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Sharing a funny; AH's comment

Old 02-16-2013, 08:34 AM
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Sharing a funny; AH's comment

Last night I was heading out to a great Al Anon meeting. Very big AA, AlaTeen, and Al Anon groups on Friday night that pack out every room in this particular location. I had already been to 2 meetings earlier in the week including on Valentine's night.
AH and our son were playing ping pong and I walked by the table saying, "Ok, guys, I'm heading out to my meeting. See you guys around 9."

AH, "Have fun at your PARTY!", which he said with a bit of a snicker and had a smirk on his face.

Me: "It's not a party, it's an Al Anon meeting. See ya."

Then, I got to my meeting. I saw my friends, I had people hug me whom I didn't even know knew me. I saw a friend cry when she spoke, after telling me last week that she never cries. We got a good laugh about this one afterwards. I ran into my sponsor and set up a meeting for this weekend. I laughed at some of the comments when folks shared, I cried with some of them, and I hugged and loved lots of people. So, to me, that Al Anon meeting was a PARTY! Ah will never know what these things feel like until he walks through the doors of AA or Al Anon(or other recover program) himself. That's too bad, because I felt awesome when I was driving home last night.

As for his 'recovery'; he is working on his anger issues with a therapist but unfortunately, he is not addressing the drinking. I'm really working hard to NOT focus on him these days(of course, I don't succeed all the time but hey, progress not perfection, right?). I find so much more peace and serenity in searching for my own answers and I've finally come to the realization that whether our marriage makes it or not doesn't matter. I'll be OK and so will our son. I'm staying with Ah because we've managed to make things work on the surface and we get along well, for the most part. I haven't made any promises nor set any expectations on him. Whatever he's choosing to do to better himself is all on him. I think my new mantra is HANDS and THOUGHTS off, because if I don't get my thoughts off of him I won't be able to get myself straightened up, right?
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Old 02-16-2013, 08:50 AM
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Thanks for sharing Lizatola. You will be ok.

Your post makes me further understand that struggling with acceptance and feeling the pain of not being able to help our loved ones are part of a much bigger life with moments of fun and happiness.

My prayers for you on your journey and for your family.

Sue
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Old 02-16-2013, 09:15 AM
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Got that right Lizatola.



Originally Posted by lizatola View Post
Last night I was heading out to a great Al Anon meeting. Very big AA, AlaTeen, and Al Anon groups on Friday night that pack out every room in this particular location. I had already been to 2 meetings earlier in the week including on Valentine's night.
AH and our son were playing ping pong and I walked by the table saying, "Ok, guys, I'm heading out to my meeting. See you guys around 9."

AH, "Have fun at your PARTY!", which he said with a bit of a snicker and had a smirk on his face.

Me: "It's not a party, it's an Al Anon meeting. See ya."

Then, I got to my meeting. I saw my friends, I had people hug me whom I didn't even know knew me. I saw a friend cry when she spoke, after telling me last week that she never cries. We got a good laugh about this one afterwards. I ran into my sponsor and set up a meeting for this weekend. I laughed at some of the comments when folks shared, I cried with some of them, and I hugged and loved lots of people. So, to me, that Al Anon meeting was a PARTY! Ah will never know what these things feel like until he walks through the doors of AA or Al Anon(or other recover program) himself. That's too bad, because I felt awesome when I was driving home last night.

As for his 'recovery'; he is working on his anger issues with a therapist but unfortunately, he is not addressing the drinking. I'm really working hard to NOT focus on him these days(of course, I don't succeed all the time but hey, progress not perfection, right?). I find so much more peace and serenity in searching for my own answers and I've finally come to the realization that whether our marriage makes it or not doesn't matter. I'll be OK and so will our son. I'm staying with Ah because we've managed to make things work on the surface and we get along well, for the most part. I haven't made any promises nor set any expectations on him. Whatever he's choosing to do to better himself is all on him. I think my new mantra is HANDS and THOUGHTS off, because if I don't get my thoughts off of him I won't be able to get myself straightened up, right?
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Old 02-16-2013, 10:23 AM
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Addressing his anger issues without the alcoholic drinking will likely prove to be ineffective. While intoxicated or coming off a bender and hungover can increase a persons anxiety/anger 10x fold. I don't believe your husband as ever even expressed an interest in stopping drinking. The program of recovery is for people "who want it not for people who need it." It's great that you working a program & finding out how helpful it is.
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Old 02-16-2013, 11:36 AM
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Originally Posted by Justfor1 View Post
Addressing his anger issues without the alcoholic drinking will likely prove to be ineffective. While intoxicated or coming off a bender and hungover can increase a persons anxiety/anger 10x fold. I don't believe your husband as ever even expressed an interest in stopping drinking. The program of recovery is for people "who want it not for people who need it." It's great that you working a program & finding out how helpful it is.
He's expressed an 'interest' but refuses to get real help. He wants to white knuckle it which never goes over well. I already know he drank while traveling this past week. Nothing I can do about it. The anger and passive aggressive behavior have been with him all his life even for the 15 years of NOT drinking that he had under his belt. It's been the biggest reason I'm having difficulty with him even now. His snarky comments drive me crazy. Last week he called me an enabler when I helped my son with something. Funny how I'm an enabler when I help my son but I'm not an enabler when I do things for AH. Just part and parcel of being an A, I guess.
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Old 02-16-2013, 07:14 PM
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his snarky comments is that he is looking for a reaction from you...

I was wondering if you son was going to AL ATEEN?
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