How ALCOHOLISM shocked my SOBER WORLD....
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Honolulu
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How ALCOHOLISM shocked my SOBER WORLD....
I first met my now stxab 2 years ago....I did not realize at first that he had a drinking problem, but I do recall little red flags coming up all the time with his erratic behavior. I shrugged it all off and convinced myself it was just a passing phase or other....sometimes telling myself I was just imagining things.
We moved in together and within 2 weeks, I saw the monster he was as a drunk. He was jealous, possessive, overbearing, completely selfish, a pathological liar...and so much more! I did not even recognize the man I fell in love with and since I was not much of a drinker, more of a social drinker, I did not think anything of it until the abuse started.
By this time we were so dependent on each other, we did everything together, we worked together, made money together, spent 24 hours together, day in and out....I constantly complained about the drinking but never pushed the issue to the point of causing a fight. (Not yet anyways.)
I come from a very religious background and have learned early on that when someone is not in their right mind, do not provoke them. I became the classic enabler....being neutral, withdrawing when he tried to pull me into an argument....reminding him of his drinking problem but not lifting a finger to stop him.
I became pregnant with our first child and he seemed very happy about it, even going so far as to hide his drinking from me. He became overprotective and it lasted a few months that I thought he was sober. It was an act...he couldn't last more than 2 weeks! He hid his bottles, cans and whatever else he could hide from me.
The abuse continued where he would accuse me of everything under the sun....and at certain times he would actually have long hours of discussions with me about the future. He constantly told me that when he is not drinking he would hear voices in his head telling him all kinds of negative things, and he needed to keep himself busy at all times or he would go crazy.
I didn't understand but I supported him in everything he was trying to do....
I loved him and actually believed he would change for me and the baby. At least it seemed like he was trying....but the abuse escalated and his crazy behavior came back, he went right back to drinking and this time I was fed up. (Of the abuse) As for the alcohol, I was still learning about the disease.
I started to fight back to his abuse, and I left him several times. Only to have him come begging and pleading for me to come back, making all sorts of promises that he will change and we will have a great future together. I kept falling for it....I truly believed in my heart that he could change.
When he was sober, he was the perfect man for me....but as soon as he got drunk, he became a monster I did not recognize, nor did I like being around him. I immediately made friends with people we met and told every single one of them about his problem, which they already knew. Many of them tried to help me because I was very responsible and they knew about the baby.
I really had no where to run that far from him since my family was in another state thousands of miles away and he ruined every job I had independently from him by showing up and stalking me. We worked together but he somehow manipulated the situation to where I was completely dependent on him financially.....
After 9 months of living with him in a hellish existence, I finally made my plans of leaving the state a reality. With the help of my 19 yr old daughter and a few close friends, I made it to the airport and left him, while other friends distracted him.
I gave birth to our son in another state and had no contact with him for about 2 months. He started calling me up drunk and belligerent to cuss me out for leaving him, other times to beg for forgiveness, and so on and on...
He found his way to me and wanted to see our son. I told him I would bring him to see him but did not want to have anything to do with him...Big mistake!!! We ended up together again and this time he played the father role perfectly for about 5 months. He was very helpful with the baby and did things that showed me he changed.
He drank a little wine to help him sleep but nothing more....In time it started to escalate, subtly....He kept telling me that he had it under control and started making every excuse as to why he deserved a drink. Everything was falling into place, etc.
I forgot to mention he was a high functioning alcoholic, one that seemed really intelligent to the world but had the worst demons I have ever seen! He was a very hardworker and could do almost anything, from framing a house to electrical wiring, plumbing, roofing, concrete work, and he also fixed car engines....He was enrolled in a very prominent University for Mechanical Engineering, but the alcohol was ruining everything!
Soon enough he landed a big job, working at some woman's house, she had so many problems with her house, her yard, it was an endless list of things. Anyways, at this job, I was tied up with our baby so I was not able to go with him like I always do. I always work along side him, handing him his tools, cleaning up his work area, etc....We worked very well together, it's what kept us together.
The woman was giving him more and more work, and she was also buying him and his crew alcohol on the job. It started so slowly, I almost did not seeing it coming! He started coming home late every night, then showering, eating late dinner and making any and every excuse to leave again.
I talked to him about it and he got offensive, even started trying to bribe me with spending time with me the night before he went out all night! He was meeting up with this woman!
I finally decided it was time to draw the line! He chose to cheat on me and our little family for his alcohol and this woman? I decided right then and there that it was over and I was going to take my stand and deal out whatever punishment was coming to him.
He called me the next morning with some crappy excuse and I told him nicely to come get his things and get the hell out of my life. He didn't come home till later, and when he did he had this guilty look all over his face, but I was serious and knew it was going to be a fight!
He showered, and left again....he came home 2 hours later...woke up our little son and then he passed out on our bed. I picked his pocket because I noticed he was hiding his cell phone. I took the car keys and found the cell phone. I checked it and there it was, his text messages and his call log back and forth with this woman.
I walked into the house, handed our little son to my 22 yr old daughter. She was sleeping over. I went into the bedroom, slapped him so hard, he woke up in a panic asking what was wrong? I told him to get the f**** outta my house and called him every foul thing in the book!
He was embarrassed in front of my daughter, he kept trying to deny it as he dressed himself. I ran outside, hid the car keys under the house and also hid the cell phone.
He stormed out of the room, I already had his bag packed and I threw it out the door, and told him to get out! He ran around the diningroom table screaming at me to give him the car keys and I told him I don't have it, he probably lost it while he was drunk??? lol
He attacked me, pulling my hair and pushing me to the ground. I rolled over and tried to get away from him. My 22 yr old daughter came from behind and picked his feet off the ground, holding him in a head lock and telling him not to touch me because I am pregnant.
He stopped in shock that she was strong enough to control him. He sobered up and tried to explain to her that I am a liar, but I kept messing with his mind, telling him he is delusional....I told my daughter to call the police.
The police came and I told them he assaulted me and my daughter was witness to it. Right in front of our little baby he did this to me. The police handcuffed him and he turned to me begging me not to do this to him...
I spoke to him in our native language and told him in no uncertain terms that I no longer him, he is an alcoholic and the moment he cheated on me and abandoned us for someone else is the last straw...and I will never take him back ever!
Come to find out he had a prior arrest record so they kept him in longer than usual....his bail was $2k. (I had never called the police on him until now) As soon as he got out, he was ordered to stay away from me and my children until the court date which is set for June.....
I am rebuilding my life, and have no intention of every taking him back.
His words are all lies and I will never trust him again...ever! I gave him everything I had in me to tolerate his disease! I have been researching it for 2 years now, and although I made many mistakes in dealing with him, I rarely ever let him think it's okay to treat me badly! I was not going to stand for it nor am I going to accept it as normal behavior!
Right now he calls me from blocked numbers at least 2x a day, but does not say one word.
Frankly, I am glad he is out of my life and I do not have to worry if he got into an accident or where he is at! I am now 3 months pregnant with our second child, but it is no reason to hang onto to him.
I couldn't stop him from drinking and I never tried to...I wanted him to figure it out for himself, but unfortunately it won't be with me or our children. He is on his own and I can truly say, "Good riddance"...I warned him it was his last chance and I reminded him not to mess up our relationship, but he chose his alcohol over our relationship, so I chose my life with my son over him!
I just hope I have the strength to move on without falling for his sad sob stories.....I do have a soft spot for him, but after learning about alcoholism, I refuse to be with a man who may kill himself from his drinking. It's better to learn to live without him now than to end up suffering more later for something he chose to do!!!!!
We moved in together and within 2 weeks, I saw the monster he was as a drunk. He was jealous, possessive, overbearing, completely selfish, a pathological liar...and so much more! I did not even recognize the man I fell in love with and since I was not much of a drinker, more of a social drinker, I did not think anything of it until the abuse started.
By this time we were so dependent on each other, we did everything together, we worked together, made money together, spent 24 hours together, day in and out....I constantly complained about the drinking but never pushed the issue to the point of causing a fight. (Not yet anyways.)
I come from a very religious background and have learned early on that when someone is not in their right mind, do not provoke them. I became the classic enabler....being neutral, withdrawing when he tried to pull me into an argument....reminding him of his drinking problem but not lifting a finger to stop him.
I became pregnant with our first child and he seemed very happy about it, even going so far as to hide his drinking from me. He became overprotective and it lasted a few months that I thought he was sober. It was an act...he couldn't last more than 2 weeks! He hid his bottles, cans and whatever else he could hide from me.
The abuse continued where he would accuse me of everything under the sun....and at certain times he would actually have long hours of discussions with me about the future. He constantly told me that when he is not drinking he would hear voices in his head telling him all kinds of negative things, and he needed to keep himself busy at all times or he would go crazy.
I didn't understand but I supported him in everything he was trying to do....
I loved him and actually believed he would change for me and the baby. At least it seemed like he was trying....but the abuse escalated and his crazy behavior came back, he went right back to drinking and this time I was fed up. (Of the abuse) As for the alcohol, I was still learning about the disease.
I started to fight back to his abuse, and I left him several times. Only to have him come begging and pleading for me to come back, making all sorts of promises that he will change and we will have a great future together. I kept falling for it....I truly believed in my heart that he could change.
When he was sober, he was the perfect man for me....but as soon as he got drunk, he became a monster I did not recognize, nor did I like being around him. I immediately made friends with people we met and told every single one of them about his problem, which they already knew. Many of them tried to help me because I was very responsible and they knew about the baby.
I really had no where to run that far from him since my family was in another state thousands of miles away and he ruined every job I had independently from him by showing up and stalking me. We worked together but he somehow manipulated the situation to where I was completely dependent on him financially.....
After 9 months of living with him in a hellish existence, I finally made my plans of leaving the state a reality. With the help of my 19 yr old daughter and a few close friends, I made it to the airport and left him, while other friends distracted him.
I gave birth to our son in another state and had no contact with him for about 2 months. He started calling me up drunk and belligerent to cuss me out for leaving him, other times to beg for forgiveness, and so on and on...
He found his way to me and wanted to see our son. I told him I would bring him to see him but did not want to have anything to do with him...Big mistake!!! We ended up together again and this time he played the father role perfectly for about 5 months. He was very helpful with the baby and did things that showed me he changed.
He drank a little wine to help him sleep but nothing more....In time it started to escalate, subtly....He kept telling me that he had it under control and started making every excuse as to why he deserved a drink. Everything was falling into place, etc.
I forgot to mention he was a high functioning alcoholic, one that seemed really intelligent to the world but had the worst demons I have ever seen! He was a very hardworker and could do almost anything, from framing a house to electrical wiring, plumbing, roofing, concrete work, and he also fixed car engines....He was enrolled in a very prominent University for Mechanical Engineering, but the alcohol was ruining everything!
Soon enough he landed a big job, working at some woman's house, she had so many problems with her house, her yard, it was an endless list of things. Anyways, at this job, I was tied up with our baby so I was not able to go with him like I always do. I always work along side him, handing him his tools, cleaning up his work area, etc....We worked very well together, it's what kept us together.
The woman was giving him more and more work, and she was also buying him and his crew alcohol on the job. It started so slowly, I almost did not seeing it coming! He started coming home late every night, then showering, eating late dinner and making any and every excuse to leave again.
I talked to him about it and he got offensive, even started trying to bribe me with spending time with me the night before he went out all night! He was meeting up with this woman!
I finally decided it was time to draw the line! He chose to cheat on me and our little family for his alcohol and this woman? I decided right then and there that it was over and I was going to take my stand and deal out whatever punishment was coming to him.
He called me the next morning with some crappy excuse and I told him nicely to come get his things and get the hell out of my life. He didn't come home till later, and when he did he had this guilty look all over his face, but I was serious and knew it was going to be a fight!
He showered, and left again....he came home 2 hours later...woke up our little son and then he passed out on our bed. I picked his pocket because I noticed he was hiding his cell phone. I took the car keys and found the cell phone. I checked it and there it was, his text messages and his call log back and forth with this woman.
I walked into the house, handed our little son to my 22 yr old daughter. She was sleeping over. I went into the bedroom, slapped him so hard, he woke up in a panic asking what was wrong? I told him to get the f**** outta my house and called him every foul thing in the book!
He was embarrassed in front of my daughter, he kept trying to deny it as he dressed himself. I ran outside, hid the car keys under the house and also hid the cell phone.
He stormed out of the room, I already had his bag packed and I threw it out the door, and told him to get out! He ran around the diningroom table screaming at me to give him the car keys and I told him I don't have it, he probably lost it while he was drunk??? lol
He attacked me, pulling my hair and pushing me to the ground. I rolled over and tried to get away from him. My 22 yr old daughter came from behind and picked his feet off the ground, holding him in a head lock and telling him not to touch me because I am pregnant.
He stopped in shock that she was strong enough to control him. He sobered up and tried to explain to her that I am a liar, but I kept messing with his mind, telling him he is delusional....I told my daughter to call the police.
The police came and I told them he assaulted me and my daughter was witness to it. Right in front of our little baby he did this to me. The police handcuffed him and he turned to me begging me not to do this to him...
I spoke to him in our native language and told him in no uncertain terms that I no longer him, he is an alcoholic and the moment he cheated on me and abandoned us for someone else is the last straw...and I will never take him back ever!
Come to find out he had a prior arrest record so they kept him in longer than usual....his bail was $2k. (I had never called the police on him until now) As soon as he got out, he was ordered to stay away from me and my children until the court date which is set for June.....
I am rebuilding my life, and have no intention of every taking him back.
His words are all lies and I will never trust him again...ever! I gave him everything I had in me to tolerate his disease! I have been researching it for 2 years now, and although I made many mistakes in dealing with him, I rarely ever let him think it's okay to treat me badly! I was not going to stand for it nor am I going to accept it as normal behavior!
Right now he calls me from blocked numbers at least 2x a day, but does not say one word.
Frankly, I am glad he is out of my life and I do not have to worry if he got into an accident or where he is at! I am now 3 months pregnant with our second child, but it is no reason to hang onto to him.
I couldn't stop him from drinking and I never tried to...I wanted him to figure it out for himself, but unfortunately it won't be with me or our children. He is on his own and I can truly say, "Good riddance"...I warned him it was his last chance and I reminded him not to mess up our relationship, but he chose his alcohol over our relationship, so I chose my life with my son over him!
I just hope I have the strength to move on without falling for his sad sob stories.....I do have a soft spot for him, but after learning about alcoholism, I refuse to be with a man who may kill himself from his drinking. It's better to learn to live without him now than to end up suffering more later for something he chose to do!!!!!
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Physical abuse is a deal breaker. He is a loser, let him go...forever, learn from this relationship. Moving in after 2 weeks, and having a child so quickly, knowing he was an alcoholic, are red flags that you created, pay attention to them in the future.
Read Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie, the stickeys at the top of this forum and cynical one's blogs.
Keep posting, it will help.
Read Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie, the stickeys at the top of this forum and cynical one's blogs.
Keep posting, it will help.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Stick to your guns. The best way not to fall for a "sob story" is not to listen to it. See a restricted number come in? Don't answer. If he leaves a message hit delete.
Good luck with your new pregnancy - so happy you left and are starting a new life for you and your children.
Good luck with your new pregnancy - so happy you left and are starting a new life for you and your children.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 87
quote ***I walked into the house, handed our little son to my 22 yr old daughter. She was sleeping over. I went into the bedroom, slapped him so hard, he woke up in a panic asking what was wrong? I told him to get the f**** outta my house and called him every foul thing in the book!
He was embarrassed in front of my daughter, he kept trying to deny it as he dressed himself. I ran outside, hid the car keys under the house and also hid the cell phone.
He stormed out of the room, I already had his bag packed and I threw it out the door, and told him to get out! He ran around the diningroom table screaming at me to give him the car keys and I told him I don't have it, he probably lost it while he was drunk??? lol
He attacked me, pulling my hair and pushing me to the ground. I rolled over and tried to get away from him. My 22 yr old daughter came from behind and picked his feet off the ground, holding him in a head lock and telling him not to touch me because I am pregnant.
He stopped in shock that she was strong enough to control him. He sobered up and tried to explain to her that I am a liar, but I kept messing with his mind, telling him he is delusional....I told my daughter to call the police.
The police came and I told them he assaulted me and my daughter was witness to it. Right in front of our little baby he did this to me. The police handcuffed him and he turned to me begging me not to do this to him... ***quote
Yes, this is a bad situation and you should probably not be together. But what you did in this situation was wrong, dishonest and unlawful.
You want him to treat you with kindness and respect, but you assault him while he's asleep, hide his keys (then insist he leave), lie about not knowing where the keys are to "gas-light" him, then call the police claiming YOU were the one assaulted.
That's just wrong.
When you start physical violence, it's not being abused... it's mutual combat.
He was embarrassed in front of my daughter, he kept trying to deny it as he dressed himself. I ran outside, hid the car keys under the house and also hid the cell phone.
He stormed out of the room, I already had his bag packed and I threw it out the door, and told him to get out! He ran around the diningroom table screaming at me to give him the car keys and I told him I don't have it, he probably lost it while he was drunk??? lol
He attacked me, pulling my hair and pushing me to the ground. I rolled over and tried to get away from him. My 22 yr old daughter came from behind and picked his feet off the ground, holding him in a head lock and telling him not to touch me because I am pregnant.
He stopped in shock that she was strong enough to control him. He sobered up and tried to explain to her that I am a liar, but I kept messing with his mind, telling him he is delusional....I told my daughter to call the police.
The police came and I told them he assaulted me and my daughter was witness to it. Right in front of our little baby he did this to me. The police handcuffed him and he turned to me begging me not to do this to him... ***quote
Yes, this is a bad situation and you should probably not be together. But what you did in this situation was wrong, dishonest and unlawful.
You want him to treat you with kindness and respect, but you assault him while he's asleep, hide his keys (then insist he leave), lie about not knowing where the keys are to "gas-light" him, then call the police claiming YOU were the one assaulted.
That's just wrong.
When you start physical violence, it's not being abused... it's mutual combat.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Honolulu
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by EnnuiStasis 
Yes, this is a bad situation and you should probably not be together. But what you did in this situation was wrong, dishonest and unlawful.
You want him to treat you with kindness and respect, but you assault him while he's asleep, hide his keys (then insist he leave), lie about not knowing where the keys are to "gas-light" him, then call the police claiming YOU were the one assaulted.
That's just wrong.
When you start physical violence, it's not being abused... it's mutual combat.
Later on he came back and I had his bag packed and waiting. He acted like he did not hear me...so I did the one thing that I thought of in getting him out. I had to find evidence.
He hid my keys and my cell phone from me, I had a right to them since they belong to me and is under my name, I paid for them and the car is mine before he ever came in the picture. The only purpose for his use of it was for work and not for going to bars.
He was keeping me from doing grocery shopping for my kids by taking off on it every night. We had to walk to the store to buy food....He put me under a lot of stress, and I may have done this wrong, but he will have his day in court to explain himself....
The police knew I had the keys and told me I was doing the public a favor in not giving it to him to drive drunk and possibly kill someone on the road. I was honest with the police officers about the whole situation.
They did not tell me I was wrong because he could not even recall my slapping him? They gave him the chance to explain what happened but he didn't say one word to them.
I'm just glad he's out of my life.....
and Thank You to everyone for their responses.
I am still learning how to deal with all of this pressure I am under
My father was an alcoholic for 10 years and was a recovering alcohol for 40 years until his death, he never picked up another drink ever.
My mother is a Malignant Narcissist....I know I have my own issues.
I'm still learning about how to deal with life, I am 38 years old....
but alcoholism and children? I can't allow my children to go through what I went through....
box of chocolates
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
Wow. Good for you! If hes a drunk abusive cheater....I dont see any reason to mourn that loss.
Sorry for how it came to happen and I am in no way justifying his actions
But next time .....please think a little and not slap someone.
Im sure you were just very upset and shocked about the messages from this other woman
But rremember that two wrongs dont make a right.
Like him being charged with assault.....it could have easily been you had he not reacted the way he had
Or been as drunk as he had.
I hope you and your children can move forward from this and make the best decisions to do so.
We are not all perfect here (I know shocker lol) so no one is here to judge you
And feel free to post anytime you feel the need and welcome.
Sorry for how it came to happen and I am in no way justifying his actions
But next time .....please think a little and not slap someone.
Im sure you were just very upset and shocked about the messages from this other woman
But rremember that two wrongs dont make a right.
Like him being charged with assault.....it could have easily been you had he not reacted the way he had
Or been as drunk as he had.
I hope you and your children can move forward from this and make the best decisions to do so.
We are not all perfect here (I know shocker lol) so no one is here to judge you
And feel free to post anytime you feel the need and welcome.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 166
Luscious,
GOOD FOR YOU. I know first hand how hard it is to leave, especially when you have small children and are pregnant. the hormones of pregnancy can totally warp your mind and turn you into a sniveling mess. I went through 2 pregnancies with my XAGF. She spent the night with 2 other women, swore nothing happened. Frequently didn't come home and would ignore my calls. It makes you crazy. Thank God he didn't hurt you. You are right...you have to stay strong for your children. It is going to be hard to support yourself and raise 2 babies on your own but YOU CAN DO IT! I have 4 children ages 5yrs to 7 months. It is very hard but like you, i do not want them to see or hear the arguing and abuse. Be raised around the craziness of an alcoholic.
GOOD FOR YOU. I know first hand how hard it is to leave, especially when you have small children and are pregnant. the hormones of pregnancy can totally warp your mind and turn you into a sniveling mess. I went through 2 pregnancies with my XAGF. She spent the night with 2 other women, swore nothing happened. Frequently didn't come home and would ignore my calls. It makes you crazy. Thank God he didn't hurt you. You are right...you have to stay strong for your children. It is going to be hard to support yourself and raise 2 babies on your own but YOU CAN DO IT! I have 4 children ages 5yrs to 7 months. It is very hard but like you, i do not want them to see or hear the arguing and abuse. Be raised around the craziness of an alcoholic.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Honolulu
Posts: 3
Thanks everyone for your replies.
I am starting my life over...and people ask me if I am willing to take him back...
I know my pregnancy is making me feel all crazy and I am a mess emotionally but I also know that I've been thru this more than I care to continue.
I've already tried everything, and realize he's been an alcoholic before I met him. He has abused every single one of his ex-girlfriends....not one of them ever had a normal relationship with this man.
Every where we went together, his friends and his family all told me the same stories. At first I did not listen to them, giving him the benefit of the doubt, and of course he denied all of it. Always blaming the ex-girlfriends, he was always the victim.
Until I witnessed his psychotic behavior towards me. This man abused me many times while I was pregnant with our son.....I was never a violent person. I started hitting him back to protect my unborn baby.
He gave me black eyes, bloodied my nose a few times, and always begging forgiveness immediately after he did it.
Sometimes he would even have the nerves to blame me for his abuse. Saying that he only punched me in my face because I was ignoring him, or I didn't answer his calls. He wouldn't have pushed me if I didn't accuse him of spending all our money on booze. It was always his money and he could do with it as he pleased. His mind is so twisted.....Everything was his, and everything belonged to him....my money was his, my things were his.
I don't believe my alcoholic bf blacks out. I believe he has no control over his anger, but to some extent knows what he's done. That is what scares me.
I have turned into someone I do not like....I am always hypervigilant that he is going to attack me out of nowhere, cause a scene out of nothing.
I give up! I am about to have 2 babies and I just can't see a future caring for an adult baby along with my soon to be 2 little ones.
I don't want my son to grow up with the example of an alcoholic father, I don't want to waste another day of my life worrying or getting depressed over being alone emotionally and the constant abuse, emotional, mental and physical from this selfish man.
I would hope that people out there realize that loving an alcoholic is a lonely road....One they cannot fix. Dealing with a broken mind is frustrating and you lose yourself in THEIR addiction......
I am starting my life over...and people ask me if I am willing to take him back...
I know my pregnancy is making me feel all crazy and I am a mess emotionally but I also know that I've been thru this more than I care to continue.
I've already tried everything, and realize he's been an alcoholic before I met him. He has abused every single one of his ex-girlfriends....not one of them ever had a normal relationship with this man.
Every where we went together, his friends and his family all told me the same stories. At first I did not listen to them, giving him the benefit of the doubt, and of course he denied all of it. Always blaming the ex-girlfriends, he was always the victim.
Until I witnessed his psychotic behavior towards me. This man abused me many times while I was pregnant with our son.....I was never a violent person. I started hitting him back to protect my unborn baby.
He gave me black eyes, bloodied my nose a few times, and always begging forgiveness immediately after he did it.
Sometimes he would even have the nerves to blame me for his abuse. Saying that he only punched me in my face because I was ignoring him, or I didn't answer his calls. He wouldn't have pushed me if I didn't accuse him of spending all our money on booze. It was always his money and he could do with it as he pleased. His mind is so twisted.....Everything was his, and everything belonged to him....my money was his, my things were his.
I don't believe my alcoholic bf blacks out. I believe he has no control over his anger, but to some extent knows what he's done. That is what scares me.
I have turned into someone I do not like....I am always hypervigilant that he is going to attack me out of nowhere, cause a scene out of nothing.
I give up! I am about to have 2 babies and I just can't see a future caring for an adult baby along with my soon to be 2 little ones.
I don't want my son to grow up with the example of an alcoholic father, I don't want to waste another day of my life worrying or getting depressed over being alone emotionally and the constant abuse, emotional, mental and physical from this selfish man.
I would hope that people out there realize that loving an alcoholic is a lonely road....One they cannot fix. Dealing with a broken mind is frustrating and you lose yourself in THEIR addiction......
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