Emotional Rollercoaster
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 6
Emotional Rollercoaster
My 2 yr anniversary was New Year's Eve. When I married my best friend, soul mate, better half, etc.. it was forever. We've known each other for 16 years and have been together for 8. I knew when I married him he had a substance abuse problem. And I know better, but I chose to marry him anyway, thinking I could stand by him and love him no matter what happens. After all, he knows the best and worst of me, and chose to marry me. Unconditional love is what we promised each other. Well, I never expected him to want to divorce me and blame me for his drinking and alcohlic choices. But that is exactly where I am right now. His unconditional love had a clause that he failed to share with me, which is he will love me unconditionally until it no longer works for him or requires him to be responsible and accountable to our marriage. He has started not coming home after work until sometimes 4:00 AM and is so drunk that when he gets up to go to work he is still drunk. He is drunk most days of the week. I am terrified he is going to kill himself or someone else while driving drunk. Do I report him to the DMV and his employer? I am so angry, hurt, frustrated, sad, the list can go on and on. I don't want this divorce. At times it seems he doesn't either. He is happy and loving one minutes and the next he is full of anger and anxiety and depression that he attributes to me. He says he loves me but I am not worth the stress. The stress he refers to is the accountability I expect of him to our marriage. I have decided to see an attorney to protect myself in the event he files for divorce as he says he is. I know this is the smart thing to do, but I can't help but feeling I am not holding true to my vows by doing so. It's an emotional roller coaster I wish I wasn't on. It kills me to have him want to love me one minute, then have him tell me the next he regrets it, and that it won't happen again because I think it means everything is OK. He still talks with my family and goes to their homes or outings and acts like there is nothing wrong. But as soon as we leave, he acts like he hates me and subjects me to emotional abuse. I am so sick and tired of hearing how his drinking, not going to work and depression and anxiety is all my fault. I feel like I have lost my identity and I am clinging on to any shred of hope I get from him that he doesn't want to end our marriage. If one of my friends came to me and told me her husband was doing all these things and not respecting her and their marriage my advice would be to kick him to the curb and force him to accept his consequences. Why can't I do this?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 609
Its overwhelming. I am separated from AH for 8 months and it hurts. You have to take it day by day. That is the only way to health. Anything else is too overwhelming. Unfortuntely we cannot control our husbands. Remember he is ill, deep in his addiction and they have to make the choice for themselves.
Focus on yourself. You have to! Use this forum as much as possible. Go to therapy, alanon and your higher power. Work the steps! It hurts I know but it will get easier. You wonder how you could be so wrong because you had such connection, committment, etc. you cant think of what was only what is now. Ive learned most in dealing with my AH I need to look at his actions and not his words.
Take care of yourself.
Focus on yourself. You have to! Use this forum as much as possible. Go to therapy, alanon and your higher power. Work the steps! It hurts I know but it will get easier. You wonder how you could be so wrong because you had such connection, committment, etc. you cant think of what was only what is now. Ive learned most in dealing with my AH I need to look at his actions and not his words.
Take care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 230
Oh Amy. Big hugs.
It is a hard spot to be in. I was with my STBXAH for 13 years. At the end, it was a lot like the situation you've described. Family visits where things seemed good only to be berated minutes after we left. I struggled for a long time with ending our marriage. I felt so guilty for the first while until I looked at it as a contract. We both made promises in that contract. I had held up my promises, but he hasn't held up his.
I think you will find the lack of accountability and blame shifting to be a pretty popular trait among active alcoholics. To this day, STBXAH continues to feel the disintegration of the marriage was my fault even though he had a girlfriend.
One of the first things that was recommended to me when I came to this forum, was melody beattie's book codependent no more. I have found it to be an invaluable resource.
Sending you happy thoughts.
It is a hard spot to be in. I was with my STBXAH for 13 years. At the end, it was a lot like the situation you've described. Family visits where things seemed good only to be berated minutes after we left. I struggled for a long time with ending our marriage. I felt so guilty for the first while until I looked at it as a contract. We both made promises in that contract. I had held up my promises, but he hasn't held up his.
I think you will find the lack of accountability and blame shifting to be a pretty popular trait among active alcoholics. To this day, STBXAH continues to feel the disintegration of the marriage was my fault even though he had a girlfriend.
One of the first things that was recommended to me when I came to this forum, was melody beattie's book codependent no more. I have found it to be an invaluable resource.
Sending you happy thoughts.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as often as needed. We are here to support you.
I have heard it said that addicts don't have relationships ~ they take hostages instead. The relationship is not a relationship of mutual support.
Why can't you let go of an unhealthy relationship? It may be magical thinking ~ I had magical thinking. I wanted to believe that *this* time would be different. This time he won't lash out with his words. This time he will keep his promises. The next time was always going to be better in my mind. In fact, my reality was the cycle kept repeating. I kept playing my part over and over which allowed him to keep repeating his patterns as well.
I learned more about my part in the cycle by reading here at SR, attending Alanon meetings, and reading self-improvement books like "Codependent No More".
At the top of each forum section, there are Sticky Posts. Stickies are permanent posts that contain some of our stories and loads of wisdom. Here is a link to one of my favorite stickies ~ it helped me as I followed each of the steps:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as often as needed. We are here to support you.
I have heard it said that addicts don't have relationships ~ they take hostages instead. The relationship is not a relationship of mutual support.
Why can't you let go of an unhealthy relationship? It may be magical thinking ~ I had magical thinking. I wanted to believe that *this* time would be different. This time he won't lash out with his words. This time he will keep his promises. The next time was always going to be better in my mind. In fact, my reality was the cycle kept repeating. I kept playing my part over and over which allowed him to keep repeating his patterns as well.
I learned more about my part in the cycle by reading here at SR, attending Alanon meetings, and reading self-improvement books like "Codependent No More".
At the top of each forum section, there are Sticky Posts. Stickies are permanent posts that contain some of our stories and loads of wisdom. Here is a link to one of my favorite stickies ~ it helped me as I followed each of the steps:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Hi Amy - I felt some of what you felt when thinking about separating from AH - promises are hard to break. Vows are hard to break. But reality is your AH breaks his vows all the time. "Love, Honor and Cherish" - AH is not upholding those things. I believe it is the "sickness and health" part that is most difficult. Its not your responsibility to suffer because AH is choosing to be sick and unhealthy and in my opinion that is also breaking his vows to you.
As far as contacting his employer or the DMV - I would contact an employer if AH's job could adversely affect the lives of someone else while intoxicated - such as a nurse, doctor, or operating machinery etc. I would bet they are already aware he has a problem as those that we work with daily see(and smell) far more than we think they do.
I hate drunk drivers - literally hate them. Only one night did my RAH in relapse leave here intoxicated to drive somewhere and I didn't call on him though I prayed he would get a DUI. It would be hypocritical for me to say "You should call". I suppose it would be the level of intoxication that would make my decision there - ultimately there is nothing you can do to stop it or assure that just because you call they will find him before something bad happens. For me driving drunk was a boundary line not to be crossed and that night was the end of the beginning for more than just the driving - the next day was when I said I am done with this s**t. He took my car and that means it would have been my insurance and my responsibility for his actions which could have destroyed my life. He has been in recovery coming up on 3 months and is still not allowed to drive my car and thankfully doesn't want to.
Please keep in mind what can happen to you if he gets in an accident while driving drunk and protect yourself accordingly.
Sorry you are going through this (((((hugs))))).
As far as contacting his employer or the DMV - I would contact an employer if AH's job could adversely affect the lives of someone else while intoxicated - such as a nurse, doctor, or operating machinery etc. I would bet they are already aware he has a problem as those that we work with daily see(and smell) far more than we think they do.
I hate drunk drivers - literally hate them. Only one night did my RAH in relapse leave here intoxicated to drive somewhere and I didn't call on him though I prayed he would get a DUI. It would be hypocritical for me to say "You should call". I suppose it would be the level of intoxication that would make my decision there - ultimately there is nothing you can do to stop it or assure that just because you call they will find him before something bad happens. For me driving drunk was a boundary line not to be crossed and that night was the end of the beginning for more than just the driving - the next day was when I said I am done with this s**t. He took my car and that means it would have been my insurance and my responsibility for his actions which could have destroyed my life. He has been in recovery coming up on 3 months and is still not allowed to drive my car and thankfully doesn't want to.
Please keep in mind what can happen to you if he gets in an accident while driving drunk and protect yourself accordingly.
Sorry you are going through this (((((hugs))))).
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
I'm so sorry for all you're going through. This was me 4 short months ago. I was blamed for his drinking, his leaving and not coming home. Of course, I know not that is classic Alcoholic talk. I learned through counseling I did NOT cause it, can NOT cure it, and can NOT control it. I often thought of calling the police when he left the house drunk. But I learned that he needed to experience the natural consequences of his actions, so I didn't call. He did get into a rear end collision, although no cops came to the scene. It was enough to shake him up. I had already learned to detach from his behaviors, so he wasn't getting any reaction from me. The walls finally closed in enough that he sought help. But it was his decision.
CoDependent No More is a great book, as is The Language of Letting Go. You have to take the focus and energy off your AH. Start focusing on your own health. Find an AlAnon group near you, it's a very safe place to work through all your emotions. And keep posting here.
CoDependent No More is a great book, as is The Language of Letting Go. You have to take the focus and energy off your AH. Start focusing on your own health. Find an AlAnon group near you, it's a very safe place to work through all your emotions. And keep posting here.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: SAN FRANCISCO
Posts: 1,176
I am so sorry....
I understand the pain and frustration you feel. I thought I was committed to my axbf as well. Later on he was under the impression he could do whatever he wanted and I should have nothing to say about it, which is not my idea of a commitment. Promises were made and broken.
After I got fed up with his emotional abuse and neglect and tried to end things, he said he was leaving me due to "my problems." The day we broke up he hurled an obscenity laced tirade at me, which I'm still trying to recover from.
I loved this man dearly and wanted a future with him. I couldn't understand how he could be so cold and uncaring, he said he was in love with me and wanted the relationship to work. Alas, he wanted to drink more and that will always be the first priority in his life.
Hang in there... I wouldn't know what to do in your situation but I could not live like that way.
Yes I am lonely right now, but I keep reminding myself: "I deserve a peaceful life"
I understand the pain and frustration you feel. I thought I was committed to my axbf as well. Later on he was under the impression he could do whatever he wanted and I should have nothing to say about it, which is not my idea of a commitment. Promises were made and broken.
After I got fed up with his emotional abuse and neglect and tried to end things, he said he was leaving me due to "my problems." The day we broke up he hurled an obscenity laced tirade at me, which I'm still trying to recover from.
I loved this man dearly and wanted a future with him. I couldn't understand how he could be so cold and uncaring, he said he was in love with me and wanted the relationship to work. Alas, he wanted to drink more and that will always be the first priority in his life.
Hang in there... I wouldn't know what to do in your situation but I could not live like that way.
Yes I am lonely right now, but I keep reminding myself: "I deserve a peaceful life"
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 6
Extreme Frustration and Sadness
Every night my husband doesn't come home from work, he doesn't tell me he's not coming home, doesn't talk to me when he does comes home unless I speak to him. I ask him where he's been, he says drinking.... and eating. That's all and goes to his man cave to sleep. I feel lucky when he comes home before 4 AM. He says he drives better when he has been drinking. Why do I feel so hurt and sad by him ignoring me and mistreating me and jeaopardizing his life and the lives of others while driving drunk? He acts like he could care less about me or my feelings and what he is doing to me. The only time he really talks to me or shows any interest in me is when he wants sex. It feels like he loves me then and I am happy to be with him. I feel like I am going crazy and I'm tired of walking on egg shells. I don't want a divorce and I want to work out the issues in our marriage. But he keeps saying he wants a divorce and refuses to do anything about his drinking and says I won't have to worry anymore if he is dead in a ditch somewhere after we divorce. At times he is loving and kind, but most times he is cold, distant and completely self centered. What is wrong with me that I keep allowing this to happen? I feel like I am an idiot for standing by him and waiting for him to realize he needs help and that is the real reason he wants to give up on us. Sometimes I just want to scream!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
You my dear, are NOT an idiot.
You are riding the crazytrain from hell.
You are experiencing the same emotional pain that most of here also have endured.
He is an out of control addict, and doing exactly what addicts do. There is nothing you can do or say to him that will help/fix this situation.
I can only suggest that you start taking care of YOU. Address your needs, place value on YOUR life. Reach out to friends and family. Try Al-Anon.
Nothing will change, until you take the bull by the horn, get painfully honest with yourself, and begin the process of healing/helping yourself.
I understand your commitment to marriage, but marriage is a union of TWO people. He has broken his vows, he no longer honors you or his vows. This is your painful reality.
There is no magic cure here. He is simply NOT ready to stop drinking and face recovery. You keep hitting that brick wall at 100mph, and we understand, it hurts like hell, so if you want to stop the pain and hurt, you must address YOUR needs.
We will be here with you, as you sort out this troubled mess.
You are riding the crazytrain from hell.
You are experiencing the same emotional pain that most of here also have endured.
He is an out of control addict, and doing exactly what addicts do. There is nothing you can do or say to him that will help/fix this situation.
I can only suggest that you start taking care of YOU. Address your needs, place value on YOUR life. Reach out to friends and family. Try Al-Anon.
Nothing will change, until you take the bull by the horn, get painfully honest with yourself, and begin the process of healing/helping yourself.
I understand your commitment to marriage, but marriage is a union of TWO people. He has broken his vows, he no longer honors you or his vows. This is your painful reality.
There is no magic cure here. He is simply NOT ready to stop drinking and face recovery. You keep hitting that brick wall at 100mph, and we understand, it hurts like hell, so if you want to stop the pain and hurt, you must address YOUR needs.
We will be here with you, as you sort out this troubled mess.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
It's not personal although I know how personal it feels all too well. When we come between an addict and their DOC (drug of choice) - their DOC will win out every time. His brain chemistry has changed. He may look and sound the same, but his brain function is not.
Start working on you and work the program you wished he would. I am sorry you are hurting but there is hope for you and you are worth it.
Start working on you and work the program you wished he would. I am sorry you are hurting but there is hope for you and you are worth it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 6
I feel like I am going crazy sometimes or that my AH is trying to make me loose my mind. He tells me repeatedly he wants a divorce. He rarely comes home from work, doesn't tell me he isn't coming home, doesn't answer my calls and won't call me back, comes home between 2 - 4 AM drunk. I text him or leave him a note when I leave. He tells me he doesn't care what I do, where I go or who I am with. I left last night to go run errands and I didn't text him or leave a note. I got home at 8:30 pm and he actually came home. He had the nerve to comment on me not telling him where I went and that why am I bothered by him doing it when I do it too? OMG.. I lost it and told him to quit screwing with my mind. I didn't even think he was coming home and was shocked to even see him and I was gone for 2 hrs. He sweetly said he isn't trying to screw with my mind. I'm so sick of his mind games and I want to strangle him sometimes. He blames me for everything and says I'm the one holding up the divorce because I don't want it and won't talk to him about it. I told him several times I don't want a divorce and want him to get help with his drinking but if he wants out he wants out and to let me know when he wants to talk. I got comps for selling our home and told him about that too and he didn't want to talk about it because he was having fun partying and it was a weekend. Now he is blaming me because nothing has been done about it yet?? I just don't understand his scrwed up thinking and I am tired of him playing these mind games.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Orem UT
Posts: 312
Originally Posted by Amy12 
I feel like I am going crazy sometimes or that my AH is trying to make me loose my mind. He tells me repeatedly he wants a divorce. He rarely comes home from work, doesn't tell me he isn't coming home, doesn't answer my calls and won't call me back, comes home between 2 - 4 AM drunk. I text him or leave him a note when I leave. He tells me he doesn't care what I do, where I go or who I am with. I left last night to go run errands and I didn't text him or leave a note. I got home at 8:30 pm and he actually came home. He had the nerve to comment on me not telling him where I went and that why am I bothered by him doing it when I do it too? OMG.. I lost it and told him to quit screwing with my mind. I didn't even think he was coming home and was shocked to even see him and I was gone for 2 hrs. He sweetly said he isn't trying to screw with my mind. I'm so sick of his mind games and I want to strangle him sometimes. He blames me for everything and says I'm the one holding up the divorce because I don't want it and won't talk to him about it. I told him several times I don't want a divorce and want him to get help with his drinking but if he wants out he wants out and to let me know when he wants to talk. I got comps for selling our home and told him about that too and he didn't want to talk about it because he was having fun partying and it was a weekend. Now he is blaming me because nothing has been done about it yet?? I just don't understand his scrwed up thinking and I am tired of him playing these mind games.
Get help, you will read your post back and see the crazyness...Recovery is great!.
Good luck to you!
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Nothing will change, if, nothing changes. He is abusing you, not only in words, but, in actions too.
There is a reason why you stay, it is your choice, stay and continue to be abused or leave. He is who he is, sober or not. All alcohol does is enhance his predisposition, even if he gets and
stays sober, he will remain an azzhat, an abuser.
Take some time and read the stickeys at the top of all the family & friends forums, cynical one's blog and Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie.
Keep posting, it will help.
There is a reason why you stay, it is your choice, stay and continue to be abused or leave. He is who he is, sober or not. All alcohol does is enhance his predisposition, even if he gets and
stays sober, he will remain an azzhat, an abuser.
Take some time and read the stickeys at the top of all the family & friends forums, cynical one's blog and Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie.
Keep posting, it will help.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I feel lucky when he comes home before 4 AM. He says he drives better when he has been drinking.
Do you like him?
Trust him?
Respect him?
I've been in the hell you're in now and can promise you'll survive this and one day look back and say "thank God". What made all the difference for me was Alanon and a terrific sponsor who helped me through the denial and rationalization. She gently carried me through the roughest parts of the parting. "Let us love you until you can love yourself .........." was the advice I got. Keep posting, so many of us have been where you are. Above all, try not to beat yourself up, there's no way you could have predicted this.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Bethany, Ok
Posts: 42
Originally Posted by marie1960
you my dear, are not an idiot.
You are riding the crazytrain from hell.
You are experiencing the same emotional pain that most of here also have endured.
He is an out of control addict, and doing exactly what addicts do. There is nothing you can do or say to him that will help/fix this situation.
I can only suggest that you start taking care of you. Address your needs, place value on your life. Reach out to friends and family. Try al-anon.
Nothing will change, until you take the bull by the horn, get painfully honest with yourself, and begin the process of healing/helping yourself.
I understand your commitment to marriage, but marriage is a union of two people. He has broken his vows, he no longer honors you or his vows. This is your painful reality.
There is no magic cure here. He is simply not ready to stop drinking and face recovery. You keep hitting that brick wall at 100mph, and we understand, it hurts like hell, so if you want to stop the pain and hurt, you must address your needs.
We will be here with you, as you sort out this troubled mess.
You are riding the crazytrain from hell.
You are experiencing the same emotional pain that most of here also have endured.
He is an out of control addict, and doing exactly what addicts do. There is nothing you can do or say to him that will help/fix this situation.
I can only suggest that you start taking care of you. Address your needs, place value on your life. Reach out to friends and family. Try al-anon.
Nothing will change, until you take the bull by the horn, get painfully honest with yourself, and begin the process of healing/helping yourself.
I understand your commitment to marriage, but marriage is a union of two people. He has broken his vows, he no longer honors you or his vows. This is your painful reality.
There is no magic cure here. He is simply not ready to stop drinking and face recovery. You keep hitting that brick wall at 100mph, and we understand, it hurts like hell, so if you want to stop the pain and hurt, you must address your needs.
We will be here with you, as you sort out this troubled mess.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 6
Casey's Law in Ohio - Effective 3/22/12!
Just found out there is a new law in Ohio that allows families to have loved ones committed for involuntary addiction treatment. I'm looking into this. I feel I need to do whatever it takes to help my AH. After I have exhausted all avenues of help, I will be able to move on with a clear conscience. Amy I crazy?
Casey's Law in Ohio - Effective 3/22/12!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
~~~~~~MAKE A DIFFERENCE!~~~~~~
Ohio Senate Bill 117 (Casey's Law for Ohio)
has been signed into law by Governor Kasich.
The law will become effective 3/22/12!
Ohio families now have a mechanism to help their
friends and family members
who struggle with the disease of addiction.
Thanks to all those who helped support this legislation!
My heartfelt thanks to Senator Seitz who took a grieving mother's request for change to heart and made something happen. I believe this legislation will help save lives. My thanks to Senator Schiavoni who co-sponsored SB117
and all those throughout the Ohio Senate and House of Representatives who supported this legislation. - Kathy Sturwold (Brandon's mom)
History
3/10/11 - Introduced by Senator Sietz
4/7/11 - Passed Judiciary Civil Justice Committee
6/21/11- Passed by the Ohio Senate
6/22/11 - Introduced to Ohio House of Representatives
9/29/11- Passed Ohio House Judiciary and Ethics Committee
11/15/11 - Passed the Ohio House of Representatives
12/15/11 - Sent to Governor
12/21/11 - Signed by Governor Kasich
3/22/12 - Law becomes effective
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Casey’s Law provides a means of intervention with someone who is unable to recognize his or her needs for treatment due to their addiction. Casey’s Law allows parents, relatives, and/or friends to petition the court for treatment on behalf of the person (over the age of 18) who is abusing alcohol and/or drugs (respondent). The treatment options available under the law can vary depending on circumstances of each individual case, and can range from detoxification to intensive treatment through recovery. The person seeking the involuntary treatment (petitioner) is obligated to pay all costs incurred in the process as well as all cost of treatment and must sign a guaranty of payment. Costs incurred can be extensive, something the petitioner should be aware of before signing the guaranty of payment.
Under Casey’s law, a person suffering from drug or alcohol abuse will not be ordered to undergo involuntary treatment unless that person presents an imminent threat of danger to their self, family or others as a result of alcohol or drug abuse, or there exists a substantial likelihood of such a threat of danger in the near future. Additionally, It must also be determined that the respondent can reasonably benefit from the treatment ordered.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Summary of SB117
(Casey's Law Section)
Ohio Revised Code
Section 3793.31-3793.39
TREATMENT FOR ALCOHOL AND OTHER DRUG ABUSE
· Allows a probate court to order involuntary treatment for a person suffering from alcohol or other drug abuse pursuant to certain specified procedures.
· Permits a person to initiate proceedings for treatment for an individual suffering from alcohol and other drug abuse by filing a verified petition in the probate court and paying a filing fee, if any, that is charged for the filing of an affidavit seeking the hospitalization of a person.
· Details what information the petition must contain.
· Gives the probate court exclusive jurisdiction to hear and determine petitions for an order for treatment of a person suffering from alcohol and other drug abuse and to order treatment of that nature in accordance with, and take other actions afforded to the court under the law regarding involuntary treatment for a person suffering from alcohol and other drug abuse.
· Requires the probate court, upon receipt of a petition and the payment of the appropriate filing fee, if any, to examine the petitioner under oath as to the contents of the petition and requires the court to take certain specified actions if, after reviewing the allegations contained in the petition and examining the petitioner under oath, it appears to the probate court that there is probable cause to believe the respondent should be ordered to undergo treatment, including scheduling and conducting a hearing to determine if there is probable cause to believe that the respondent should be ordered to undergo treatment for alcohol and other drug abuse.
· Provides that if the probate court finds upon completion of the hearing that the respondent should be ordered to undergo treatment, the court must order the treatment after considering the qualified health professional's recommendations for treatment that have been submitted to the court.
· Requires the court to order the treatment be provided through a certified alcohol and drug addiction program or by certain licensed individuals.
· Provides that following an examination by a qualified health professional and a certification by that professional that the person meets the criteria for involuntary treatment, a probate court may order the person hospitalized for a period not to exceed 72 hours if the court finds by clear and convincing evidence that the person presents an imminent threat of danger to self, family, or others as a result of alcohol and other drug abuse and provides that if the hearing to be held will be held within 72 hours, the court may order the person hospitalized until the hearing.
· Requires the court to inform the person that the person may immediately make a reasonable number of telephone calls or use other reasonable means to contact an attorney, a licensed physician, or a qualified health professional, to contact any other person or persons to secure representation by counsel, or to obtain medical or psychological assistance and that the person will be provided assistance in making calls if the assistance is needed and requested.
· Provides that any person who has been admitted to a hospital under the procedure described in the prior dot points must be released from the hospital immediately upon the expiration of the time period established by the court.
· Provides that when a probate court is authorized to issue an order that the respondent be transported to a hospital, the court may issue a summons and if the respondent fails to attend an examination scheduled before the hearing, the court must issue a summons.
· Requires that the summons be directed to the respondent and must command the respondent to appear at a time and place specified in the summons and provides that if a respondent fails to appear at the hospital or examination, the probate court may order the sheriff or any other peace officer to transport the respondent to a hospital from a list specified in the bill.
· Requires each county board of alcohol, drug addiction, and mental health services on at least an annual basis to submit lists of certain specified hospitals to the clerk of the probate court in each county served by the board.
· Provides that the requirements regarding statistics collected by the Department of Alcohol and Drug Addiction Services concerning the care, treatment, and rehabilitation of alcoholics, drug dependent persons, and persons in danger of drug dependence in Ohio, the laws regarding confidentiality of a patient's records or information pertaining to the identity, diagnosis, or treatment that are maintained in connection with the performance of certain specified drug treatment programs, and the law regarding the person's civil rights and liberties apply to a person who is ordered to undergo treatment for alcohol and other drug abuse.
Casey's Law in Ohio - Effective 3/22/12!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
~~~~~~MAKE A DIFFERENCE!~~~~~~
Ohio Senate Bill 117 (Casey's Law for Ohio)
has been signed into law by Governor Kasich.
The law will become effective 3/22/12!
Ohio families now have a mechanism to help their
friends and family members
who struggle with the disease of addiction.
Thanks to all those who helped support this legislation!
My heartfelt thanks to Senator Seitz who took a grieving mother's request for change to heart and made something happen. I believe this legislation will help save lives. My thanks to Senator Schiavoni who co-sponsored SB117
and all those throughout the Ohio Senate and House of Representatives who supported this legislation. - Kathy Sturwold (Brandon's mom)
History
3/10/11 - Introduced by Senator Sietz
4/7/11 - Passed Judiciary Civil Justice Committee
6/21/11- Passed by the Ohio Senate
6/22/11 - Introduced to Ohio House of Representatives
9/29/11- Passed Ohio House Judiciary and Ethics Committee
11/15/11 - Passed the Ohio House of Representatives
12/15/11 - Sent to Governor
12/21/11 - Signed by Governor Kasich
3/22/12 - Law becomes effective
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Casey’s Law provides a means of intervention with someone who is unable to recognize his or her needs for treatment due to their addiction. Casey’s Law allows parents, relatives, and/or friends to petition the court for treatment on behalf of the person (over the age of 18) who is abusing alcohol and/or drugs (respondent). The treatment options available under the law can vary depending on circumstances of each individual case, and can range from detoxification to intensive treatment through recovery. The person seeking the involuntary treatment (petitioner) is obligated to pay all costs incurred in the process as well as all cost of treatment and must sign a guaranty of payment. Costs incurred can be extensive, something the petitioner should be aware of before signing the guaranty of payment.
Under Casey’s law, a person suffering from drug or alcohol abuse will not be ordered to undergo involuntary treatment unless that person presents an imminent threat of danger to their self, family or others as a result of alcohol or drug abuse, or there exists a substantial likelihood of such a threat of danger in the near future. Additionally, It must also be determined that the respondent can reasonably benefit from the treatment ordered.
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Summary of SB117
(Casey's Law Section)
Ohio Revised Code
Section 3793.31-3793.39
TREATMENT FOR ALCOHOL AND OTHER DRUG ABUSE
· Allows a probate court to order involuntary treatment for a person suffering from alcohol or other drug abuse pursuant to certain specified procedures.
· Permits a person to initiate proceedings for treatment for an individual suffering from alcohol and other drug abuse by filing a verified petition in the probate court and paying a filing fee, if any, that is charged for the filing of an affidavit seeking the hospitalization of a person.
· Details what information the petition must contain.
· Gives the probate court exclusive jurisdiction to hear and determine petitions for an order for treatment of a person suffering from alcohol and other drug abuse and to order treatment of that nature in accordance with, and take other actions afforded to the court under the law regarding involuntary treatment for a person suffering from alcohol and other drug abuse.
· Requires the probate court, upon receipt of a petition and the payment of the appropriate filing fee, if any, to examine the petitioner under oath as to the contents of the petition and requires the court to take certain specified actions if, after reviewing the allegations contained in the petition and examining the petitioner under oath, it appears to the probate court that there is probable cause to believe the respondent should be ordered to undergo treatment, including scheduling and conducting a hearing to determine if there is probable cause to believe that the respondent should be ordered to undergo treatment for alcohol and other drug abuse.
· Provides that if the probate court finds upon completion of the hearing that the respondent should be ordered to undergo treatment, the court must order the treatment after considering the qualified health professional's recommendations for treatment that have been submitted to the court.
· Requires the court to order the treatment be provided through a certified alcohol and drug addiction program or by certain licensed individuals.
· Provides that following an examination by a qualified health professional and a certification by that professional that the person meets the criteria for involuntary treatment, a probate court may order the person hospitalized for a period not to exceed 72 hours if the court finds by clear and convincing evidence that the person presents an imminent threat of danger to self, family, or others as a result of alcohol and other drug abuse and provides that if the hearing to be held will be held within 72 hours, the court may order the person hospitalized until the hearing.
· Requires the court to inform the person that the person may immediately make a reasonable number of telephone calls or use other reasonable means to contact an attorney, a licensed physician, or a qualified health professional, to contact any other person or persons to secure representation by counsel, or to obtain medical or psychological assistance and that the person will be provided assistance in making calls if the assistance is needed and requested.
· Provides that any person who has been admitted to a hospital under the procedure described in the prior dot points must be released from the hospital immediately upon the expiration of the time period established by the court.
· Provides that when a probate court is authorized to issue an order that the respondent be transported to a hospital, the court may issue a summons and if the respondent fails to attend an examination scheduled before the hearing, the court must issue a summons.
· Requires that the summons be directed to the respondent and must command the respondent to appear at a time and place specified in the summons and provides that if a respondent fails to appear at the hospital or examination, the probate court may order the sheriff or any other peace officer to transport the respondent to a hospital from a list specified in the bill.
· Requires each county board of alcohol, drug addiction, and mental health services on at least an annual basis to submit lists of certain specified hospitals to the clerk of the probate court in each county served by the board.
· Provides that the requirements regarding statistics collected by the Department of Alcohol and Drug Addiction Services concerning the care, treatment, and rehabilitation of alcoholics, drug dependent persons, and persons in danger of drug dependence in Ohio, the laws regarding confidentiality of a patient's records or information pertaining to the identity, diagnosis, or treatment that are maintained in connection with the performance of certain specified drug treatment programs, and the law regarding the person's civil rights and liberties apply to a person who is ordered to undergo treatment for alcohol and other drug abuse.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
You will never leave with a clear conscience or stop trying to resolve his problem for him...until you work on you and start addressing your codependency issues...in addition...he will never stop drinking and seek a recovery program...until he is ready and not one minute sooner.
IMO, all you are going to accomplish by persuing this "law" is to waste alot of money, time and create more turmoil/unrest in your relationship.
Have you read the stickeys yet and cynical one's blogs, if not, I would suggest that you do so.
IMO, all you are going to accomplish by persuing this "law" is to waste alot of money, time and create more turmoil/unrest in your relationship.
Have you read the stickeys yet and cynical one's blogs, if not, I would suggest that you do so.
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