McKrazy

in the middle of it right now...... sinking, hate this sh**! He just pulled me in, and I dove into it! Geez....

smoke gets in my eyes

((( McTired! )))

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Can you go for a walk or something????

Hugs,
Smoke

quietsins

~hugs~ close your eyes and imagine something tranquil... ask your hp to help and know you have many friends...

McKrazy

You know, someone in a recent post talked about a term "gaslighting" and put a link to an article describing it: I just got through experiencing it. The beauty is that in my heart and head, I knew what was going on : He was trying to get me to see "his reality" as truth and it just simply wasn't. I used to start feeling a little insane when this happened. This time I just kept mentally repeating the term and it somehow gave me some comfort, I don't quite know why. While he verbally bashed at me, he would keep saying "Calm down, you're acting so irrational, why are so angry, why are you yelling....." And I was just standing there silent, feeling profoundly disappointed, we'd been having a good day, but far from angry and certainly nothing close to irrational. All of a sudden I heard all of the stuff he'd been heaping on me for years and thought, wow, it's all stuff HE feels, HE thinks, HE suffers. He's been projecting it on me, and I've actually bought into a few times and started to doubt my own perception. It's so much insanity for me........ whew, thanks guys, for letting me vent on and on and on..... but I'm tired, I'm spent, and I believe I'm done for tonight. Tomorrow's a new day, right? One day at a time.....

Lorelai

(((McTired)))
I'm so sorry you had such a rough night. I understand exactly what you are talking about with the gaslighting. There was a point - not very long ago - that I think my H could have told me the sky was green and I would have started doubting whether it was blue or not. I wanted so badly to believe him because I didn't want to think that he would use my weaknesses against me just to cover his a$$ - he loved me and wouldn't do that - right?

When I figured out what I think his motives are, it was easier for me. As long as I, someone who he thinks is smart and logical, buy into what he's saying, it makes it easier for him to believe it himself. It justifies in his mind that he is OK and is right and that, since I buy into this enough to argue the point with him, it's OK for him to keep believing these crazy things.

It was only when I started doing what you are doing and not jumping into this insanity that he seems to be confused. He is certainly pulling out all the stops trying to suck me back in but, once I realized what he's doing, I don't think that is possible anymore.

Hope you have a better day today. I'll be thinking of you & sending you strength.
L

Daffodil

(((McTired)))

For years now when anyone starts putting their insanity in my head I just repeat over and over "Just because he/she says it doesn't make it so!" I am amazed how well that works for me.

Magichappens

((McTired))
Daf's right. I like to say,"Just because someone says I'm a chair, doesn't mean their right." My A's were pretty good at convincing me I was a chair. I now know that I was conditioned all my life to believe that cr*p. For the first time I realize I don't even have to try to be a chair. I can be me, and I'm pretty cool. I love the post on Quackese, because that's what it sounds like when I don't get sucked in, and I can stay detached.......quack quack quack. Hugs, Magic

Gabe

(((McTired)))
Love and light coming your way. This is the way things are now. This is NOT the way they will stay.
Peace,
Gabe