sadwife

Well it seems like the slips are getting more frequent. 2 in the last month that I know about. AH says I can be disappointed, sad, scared,etc, but not mad, because he can't help himself. (Maybe it's an AA thing?) So I am just supposed to say OK today will be better. I really got mad last time and even started yelling while he was still drunk. Some times I can handle it better than other times. How many times does AH have to slip to realize that he can't drink. Is this going to be a lifetime of slips and recovers. Oh well guess I am just feeling sorry for myself. I thought he would be one of those people who stop and never have another drink in their life. Guess not. Thanks for listening.

jojo

Sadwife -

Since alcoholism is a progressive disease, generally each "slip" or "relapse" or lets call it what it really is - a planned drunk - is worse than the one before. I don't know of any way to tell if your AH will be one of the ones that is able to stay away from the booze for life or not. What you need to decide is if you are willing to take the chance that he will be one of the lucky ones. You need to decide if you can live your life waiting for the other shoe to drop. I pray that your family is among the ones that find a way through this terrible disease. I'm sorry that I am not writing in a more positive vein but we are going through the same thing here and I'm pretty sure that my husband is beyond hope for finding the right path. I'm seriously looking at taking a different fork in the the road. He is such a sweet man when sober but with each succeeding relapse he becomes meaner and uglier and I think that it might be time to save myself and pray that God will watch out for him.

Hugs, Jo

sdp

Can't help himself? Sounds like a cop out to me.

You don't sound too good-- I know- I am in a bad place myself. I can recognize it!!
I have no words of wisdom for you, tho. my A refuses to acknowledge he even has a drinking problem.

I had a good weekend tho, took the kiddies to Navy Pier.. Spent too much money, and ran into my brother from Phila on the El, on his way to Midway. Shockerino.

bookworm

hugs to you, sadwife,
I'm in a similar situation - G stopped for about a week and last night was passed out on the couch when I get home from work. It's hard to avoid that sinking feeling. We had such a lovely week together and that's what I'm trying to concentrate on right now but one of these days I know that I'm going to have to make a big decision. I still have a lot of work to do on myself and on understanding this malady.
Look after yourself, sadwife, keep smiling through the gritted teeth!
HugZ
Sandra

quietsins

concentrate on you.. work the steps.. reach out to the fellowship of alanon and trust trust trust in your HP... the answers come with clarity when it is supposed to.

it may seem silly but one of the best quote i ever heard was in the movie Rudy... Rudy needed a prayer answered and the priest said... we ask for answers in our time, but they come in gods time. and i have found that to be true.

turn it all over to your HP... pray for his guidance.. and when it comes, and i promise it will come, when it comes.. you have no doubts... you just "know" what to do.

i was where you are and had to walk away... i had tried and tried and things go so ugly.. i still was making excuses.. then one day... i just knew.. i would never go back, i would never be in that place again, and i not only found serenity in my decision, i felt at peace with the detachment i practiced up to that point.

i wish for you peace, joy and happiness.. good luck and keep venting.. it helps

sadwife

Thank you for all your thoughts. It's nice to know that there are others who understand me. It's not so nice that so many of us are in pain because of a loved ones problem. I will be strong, if all of you will promise to be strong also. Have to sign off. I always feel better when I know you are all out there and surviving this horrible disease. Take care of yourselves!!

Dazimae

Sad Wife, I am sorry and feel the pain you feel. My AH decided 4 weeks ago to stop after almost killing himself with a .31 alchol level The Doctor and I both thought " this is is bottom" Well guess what it wasn't I know he has heard over and over " This is a disease and you will have a few drinks during your process" SO now that is an excuse he uses. An alcholic will find any excuse, the kids are hard to handle. work was hard, I had the shakes, and so on..... I am so new to this whole process and have no words of wisdome for you just compasion. I also have a great man, cooks cleans, does laundry,works has always been the bread winner, was a great father when off the booze. and loves me unconditionaly so I thought. guess there was one condition.
I keep hearing the I can't do it myself story BUT no stpes in getting help, you know the we don't have the money, who will support you while I;m gone well.... let me tell you I have faith in my God that he will provide.
I have learned the more he thinks about stoping the more the thinks about drinking if that makes sence. It is fighting demonds in his mind. Spiritual warfare if you may,
I have looked for a "straight answer myself" I want to be married to this man and I want to grow old with him but there is not enough room for all 3 of us..... I have 4 children I will have to raise alone not that I am not now......
anyway I am babeling.... You are at the right place I find peace coming here and a calmness, not that I do not get angry or have anxiety attacks while he is on the " slip" I like the Planned drunk better.. but I have to learn how to help myslef. Good luck sad wife and know you are NOT alone.

sadwife

Wow, thanks for the thoughts. You really made me feel better. Hope you have a great day.

Dazimae

Well sadwife, here I am again.... AH got loaded yesterday only 1 week into counseling and again I hear the " I think I hit rock bottom this time." I say if you are still looking down at the ground you are ok. I have to say this to you I have learned in only a short time coming here how to just detatch * still learning to control* but to not say out loud the things that I am saying in my head.That gives me a peice of mind it still makes me angry,hurt,upset,still gives me anxiety attacks and I still argue with him about how he treats the kids. But My feelings are unknown. He knows where I stand and what my boundires are.. about the only thing I feel bad about is what he has chosen to give up. the amount of time he spend on drinking or thinking about drinking is good quality time he is wasting.
I think as long as there is excuses in this world.. you know how life just dont go your way so lets get drunk to "deal" there will always be an excuse to slip. Hope all is going ok with you.

matters

All the time wasted on drinking is so hard to watch. Seeing how other people have nice homes and money to buy the things they want. But I know that I am blessed with many things as well.....my three beautiful children is some of those. I will continue to work on ME and better up that part of my life because that is something that I do have control of!!!!!