trying to survive
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trying to survive
Been dealing with effects of alcoholism for more than sixty years, first my father then my husband, pain and depression so severe life hardly worth living, want to escape pain above all, want to find a life with non abusive mate, what is the chance that can happen at my age?
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Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Oma...
Statistically speaking, I have no idea what the chances are. But I have seen it happen for another friend who is older than you.
It sounds like you are fed up with your mate, but don't want to risk leaving because you're afraid there will not be someone else in your future. Well, that's a risk at any age. Only you can decide if life with an abusive man is better than perhaps having no man at all.
Please find an al-anon group in your area. You need to find a way to be happy that doesn't depend on your spouse. Do something... SOMETHING.. that you like to do today. Please stay here with us, and also visit the nar-anon page. There are good people around here.
And welcome.
Smoke
Statistically speaking, I have no idea what the chances are. But I have seen it happen for another friend who is older than you.
It sounds like you are fed up with your mate, but don't want to risk leaving because you're afraid there will not be someone else in your future. Well, that's a risk at any age. Only you can decide if life with an abusive man is better than perhaps having no man at all.
Please find an al-anon group in your area. You need to find a way to be happy that doesn't depend on your spouse. Do something... SOMETHING.. that you like to do today. Please stay here with us, and also visit the nar-anon page. There are good people around here.
And welcome.
Smoke
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Join Date: Sep 2001
Posts: 17
(((OMA)))I to grew up in a home with a alcholic father so I can understand your pain.My husband however has never drank and I am so thankful for that.We do have a son who can't seem to live without having to drink and it has been a living hell trying to cope with this.I'm not qualified to tell you how to handle what you're going through with your husband but I will say you need to start thinking about your own well being.It sounds like your husband may never change but if I were you I would make the most of my life.Take care of you because you do have control over your own life and your husband has to want to change.Don't give up on yourself.You are not alone. (((HUGS)))
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Oma,
I concur with Smoke. Please try to go to an Alanon meeting. I, too, was suicidal and quite depressed. You may want to see if you need anti-depressants. I only say this because I know it's kind of hard to get started helping yourself when you're (physically) depressed. I've had alcoholism looming over my entire life. My brother died in 1984 at 27, I was 20. I didn't even begin to deal with it until 14 years had passed. My other brother almost died and is now in treatment. My dad's a drinking alcoholic and is 72. I can only guess how my mom feels, she doesn't say much. My boyfriend was getting very emotionally abusive and has just gotten out of treatment. He's been acting very confused, and I've been very confused - so I'm FINALLY taking steps to help myself. I initially was so angry when I went to my first Alanon meeting that I didn't go back for a long time. Big mistake -or maybe it was God's plan all along. I've recently started going back and I can't stress how much it has helped. You can't have your problems solved overnight, but it's a good, solid start. It's so easy to get started, there are so many good people out there that have gone through the same things we're going through. And they will be there for you. I've seen people of ALL ages at meetings. It breaks my heart to hear of someone suffering and not getting any help. Please try. Good thoughts going your way. I don't know if you're spiritual or anything, but know that my prayers are with you!
Peace,
Mindybadger
I concur with Smoke. Please try to go to an Alanon meeting. I, too, was suicidal and quite depressed. You may want to see if you need anti-depressants. I only say this because I know it's kind of hard to get started helping yourself when you're (physically) depressed. I've had alcoholism looming over my entire life. My brother died in 1984 at 27, I was 20. I didn't even begin to deal with it until 14 years had passed. My other brother almost died and is now in treatment. My dad's a drinking alcoholic and is 72. I can only guess how my mom feels, she doesn't say much. My boyfriend was getting very emotionally abusive and has just gotten out of treatment. He's been acting very confused, and I've been very confused - so I'm FINALLY taking steps to help myself. I initially was so angry when I went to my first Alanon meeting that I didn't go back for a long time. Big mistake -or maybe it was God's plan all along. I've recently started going back and I can't stress how much it has helped. You can't have your problems solved overnight, but it's a good, solid start. It's so easy to get started, there are so many good people out there that have gone through the same things we're going through. And they will be there for you. I've seen people of ALL ages at meetings. It breaks my heart to hear of someone suffering and not getting any help. Please try. Good thoughts going your way. I don't know if you're spiritual or anything, but know that my prayers are with you!
Peace,
Mindybadger
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Re: trying to survive
sometimes we get so caught up in our alcoholic spouse's lives that we forget about us. i lived with alcoholism for 20 years now and when i look back i missed out on so much that I wanted to do for me. the ah never did what i wanted. we always did things around him. i feared getting a job because i wouldn't be there to monitor his drinking. do you think they think about us in this way. they couldn't care less. one day i woke up and said 'hey what about me'. i left my ah. it was hard, very depressing but as i worked on myself and went to alanon and learned about alcoholism, it got easier. now i do what I want. buy what i want. sometimes by myself i go places. its lonely but a lot better than living with alcoholism. with my ah i had to stop and think:is it just the drinking or is it his other qualities i have to deal with. if my ah was more supportive, loving, caring, helpful around the house and kids, financially stable .... i would have made a choice to work with him and stay together, but unfortunately he wasn't any of that so it made my choice easier to leave him. i would you suggest looking at the whole picture not just the alcohol.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 29
Re: trying to survive
Oma, the people that answered your post said it best. I just want to add that I don't believe age has anything to do with the chances of you improving your quality of life, or finding a mate that is non-abusive. It happened for my Mom, who is in her 70's. She lived a very hard life for many years and is very happy now. Just a note of encouragement, don't give up and don't give in to someone else's craziness. I've found a lot of emotional support here on this website. Is there any way you can start concentrating more on you? I'm certainly no expert, I just understand the pain and wish I could help you feel better.
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