Alone
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: west coast
Posts: 1,068
If you could reframe some things, I think it could be easier for you - simple things - like consider changing your user name to something more positive - do one or two things every day that are nurturing for you - treat yourself to excellent food, for instance, take a bubble bath, get a massage . . . I know you have a lot on your plate - with work and your kids and that you are devastated by your husband's actions, but your body is DEMANDING your attention, and I don't think it can be ignored.
There have to be people who could help you - friends, relatives, church - you need a break - need to be able to sleep all day one day at least - please find a way to take care of yourself!
There have to be people who could help you - friends, relatives, church - you need a break - need to be able to sleep all day one day at least - please find a way to take care of yourself!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 609
So latest update...I am not good. I feel myself falling into depression.
I go about my day doing the right thing on the outside but my insides are so broken.
My initial post says I feel alone and resentful. I still feel that way. My separated AH makes thing so much worse. He has such a hard time with being flexible. I had dr a few times last week which I asked him to keep her longer or at a different time and with every exchange its like hatred. I dont have a family and my friends work so when there is a change in normal schedule I have no one to ask aside from him.
He acts like he cannot stand me. I dont understand it. How does the man who supposedly love me and i supported in an outpatient rehab for a year watched him divulge so many personal things, act like he loathes me? Even through my illness, hes cold and mean. This really is breaking me down. How do you get over the husband you fell in love with to realize the man that this disease has progressed to?
I talk to God a lot, consantly. Then I have these moments where I feel so pathetic. Im sitting here with a cancerous malignant tumor single parenting and taking care of what im supposed to. Hes gone. Hes moved on to the new girlfriend he cheated on me with and while theyre living it up posting pics fb of their "romance", I am left here with no support. Life feels so cruel and painful.
I know I may sound negative on here but this is my only vent. My 13 and 4 year old are so smart so I do my best to hold it together while they are awake. I can only lose it when its before they are awake and after they are asleep.
I feel beaten down and broken.
I go about my day doing the right thing on the outside but my insides are so broken.
My initial post says I feel alone and resentful. I still feel that way. My separated AH makes thing so much worse. He has such a hard time with being flexible. I had dr a few times last week which I asked him to keep her longer or at a different time and with every exchange its like hatred. I dont have a family and my friends work so when there is a change in normal schedule I have no one to ask aside from him.
He acts like he cannot stand me. I dont understand it. How does the man who supposedly love me and i supported in an outpatient rehab for a year watched him divulge so many personal things, act like he loathes me? Even through my illness, hes cold and mean. This really is breaking me down. How do you get over the husband you fell in love with to realize the man that this disease has progressed to?
I talk to God a lot, consantly. Then I have these moments where I feel so pathetic. Im sitting here with a cancerous malignant tumor single parenting and taking care of what im supposed to. Hes gone. Hes moved on to the new girlfriend he cheated on me with and while theyre living it up posting pics fb of their "romance", I am left here with no support. Life feels so cruel and painful.
I know I may sound negative on here but this is my only vent. My 13 and 4 year old are so smart so I do my best to hold it together while they are awake. I can only lose it when its before they are awake and after they are asleep.
I feel beaten down and broken.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hi Iamthird ((hugs))
I got all teary reading your posts- you are so amazing. Believe it.. you ARE amazing!
You are doing very well. I know how it feels to have no one close. I have also felt like crying at doctor offices and buying medicine and at the insurance company office and at odd moments in life. I have found it is not because I am weak. In fact it is because I have been strong too often in my life. It is not so much about not knowing how to deal with present circumstances, but the accumulation of moments in life where I have felt totally alone/unsupported.
The only remedy I have found to this is talking to God/HP and placing myself in his hands.
I support the other post - this man can't just change his mind like that, about money. I know you have many things on your plate but I hope you consider consulting a lawyer, hopefully that would ease your mind and you can let the lawyer deal with this situation.
I am in shock as to how cruel this man (using the term loosely) is and how he has treated you. Perhaps God/HP is separating you from this man so his toxicity is no longer present in your life. Please, stop expecting warm bread from the HW store. He can't give love. It looks like he does not love himself, and one can't give what one doesn't have.
I know you have a lot of stuff to take care of - but "The Grief Club" by Melody Beatty, about dealing with all kinds of change, was the compassionate voice I needed when I felt in my lowest low. I can't recommend that book enough.
About work, why not ask your manager/HR for a personal day or days? surely work can wait or someone else can assist in your absence? I hope you can take a breath soon.
I got all teary reading your posts- you are so amazing. Believe it.. you ARE amazing!
You are doing very well. I know how it feels to have no one close. I have also felt like crying at doctor offices and buying medicine and at the insurance company office and at odd moments in life. I have found it is not because I am weak. In fact it is because I have been strong too often in my life. It is not so much about not knowing how to deal with present circumstances, but the accumulation of moments in life where I have felt totally alone/unsupported.
The only remedy I have found to this is talking to God/HP and placing myself in his hands.
I support the other post - this man can't just change his mind like that, about money. I know you have many things on your plate but I hope you consider consulting a lawyer, hopefully that would ease your mind and you can let the lawyer deal with this situation.
I am in shock as to how cruel this man (using the term loosely) is and how he has treated you. Perhaps God/HP is separating you from this man so his toxicity is no longer present in your life. Please, stop expecting warm bread from the HW store. He can't give love. It looks like he does not love himself, and one can't give what one doesn't have.
I know you have a lot of stuff to take care of - but "The Grief Club" by Melody Beatty, about dealing with all kinds of change, was the compassionate voice I needed when I felt in my lowest low. I can't recommend that book enough.
About work, why not ask your manager/HR for a personal day or days? surely work can wait or someone else can assist in your absence? I hope you can take a breath soon.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 577
you are showing your kids immense courage & strength dealing with your full plate sober. it's ok if they see that it's hard....you don't have to be made of stone for them. no matter what happens with any of your very difficult struggles, they can learn tons from a mother who showed them how to deal with real life struggles without getting wasted.
prayers/vibes your way, iamthird..
prayers/vibes your way, iamthird..
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
I struggled with a similar situation (though not nearly as much of a full plate).
For me the feelings were not just about the alcohol, but about the affair....and I don't know for sure but a lot of his reactions might be about the affair and have nothing to do with you at all, but his new "addiction."
Janis Abrahm Springs work really helped me (both of her books). Especially the one about forgiveness.
Keep venting.....it is not personal to me and I had to get it out when it happened. Keeping it in just made it come out in weird places.
For me the feelings were not just about the alcohol, but about the affair....and I don't know for sure but a lot of his reactions might be about the affair and have nothing to do with you at all, but his new "addiction."
Janis Abrahm Springs work really helped me (both of her books). Especially the one about forgiveness.
Keep venting.....it is not personal to me and I had to get it out when it happened. Keeping it in just made it come out in weird places.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
((( Sorry for your struggle)))
Originally Posted by iamthird 
I have lymphoma (lymphnode cancer). I have no family and I separated from AH in May and in addition to losing my husband and family, i am seriously ill.
To add insult to injury my husbands new enabling girlfriend he cheated on me with works in his payroll and benefits dept and is able to get details from ins company. I know there are hipaa rules but shes violated everything and friends with the bosses so nothing will ever happen to her. I dont have the time to devote to trying to get her fired. She has done that to me.
Its to the point ive blocked him and her because i get the hate texts...yes i made the mistake of engaging at times but I try to be better now. I just dont understand how God would allow me to be going through separation, with an alcoholic, with 2 kids to raise, having to take on this financially alone and have cancer.
I keep trying to come on here, continue with Alanon and counseling, etc...but i keep coming back to...why is this ok? Why can he just abandon me and our family in the cruelest way, move on to new girlfriend who he allows to come at me as well. Even when i try to keep it simple between us, he is rude to me. He at times drops off 4 year old daughter messy, etc. "Can you have her ready when you drop her off because I have dr right after" and he answers "because i bring her naked?"...Even about my cancer he refuses to deal with it and says his daughter doesnt have cancer i do. Uh...but it affects her!
How can someone just go through life being ao cold in the worst way when it was the man who was sober and just relapsed in may. Before that, we worked so hard in therapy, family counseling, intensive outpatient program. He acts like none of that existed!
I have 2 healthy kids and a great boss and job. I have a few close friends but they have their own families and cannot always stop and drop to help me.
I am so sad and beaten down. I really need some support. Help me through this.
To add insult to injury my husbands new enabling girlfriend he cheated on me with works in his payroll and benefits dept and is able to get details from ins company. I know there are hipaa rules but shes violated everything and friends with the bosses so nothing will ever happen to her. I dont have the time to devote to trying to get her fired. She has done that to me.
Its to the point ive blocked him and her because i get the hate texts...yes i made the mistake of engaging at times but I try to be better now. I just dont understand how God would allow me to be going through separation, with an alcoholic, with 2 kids to raise, having to take on this financially alone and have cancer.
I keep trying to come on here, continue with Alanon and counseling, etc...but i keep coming back to...why is this ok? Why can he just abandon me and our family in the cruelest way, move on to new girlfriend who he allows to come at me as well. Even when i try to keep it simple between us, he is rude to me. He at times drops off 4 year old daughter messy, etc. "Can you have her ready when you drop her off because I have dr right after" and he answers "because i bring her naked?"...Even about my cancer he refuses to deal with it and says his daughter doesnt have cancer i do. Uh...but it affects her!
How can someone just go through life being ao cold in the worst way when it was the man who was sober and just relapsed in may. Before that, we worked so hard in therapy, family counseling, intensive outpatient program. He acts like none of that existed!
I have 2 healthy kids and a great boss and job. I have a few close friends but they have their own families and cannot always stop and drop to help me.
I am so sad and beaten down. I really need some support. Help me through this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 284
(((((Hugs))))). Sending you thoughts of strength and hope. It's good to hear about the parts of your world that ARE good. Your kids are healthy, you have a supportive boss and a job that you like, and your friends are able to help some as well. Nurture those relationships that are positive and healthy, and allow them to nurture you right now. You deserve it.
You don't deserve the verbal abuse of your ex or the torture of looking at his FB page. Do try to stop paying attention to him and his antics. They will only upset you, and more so because you have no control over what he does or says. We do understand the frustration and the hurt. Keep sharing as needed. We're listening.
More hugs,
Fathom
You don't deserve the verbal abuse of your ex or the torture of looking at his FB page. Do try to stop paying attention to him and his antics. They will only upset you, and more so because you have no control over what he does or says. We do understand the frustration and the hurt. Keep sharing as needed. We're listening.
More hugs,
Fathom
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 609
Today is my birthday. Ive been home all day. My kids made me a cake. Staying in because I feel ill and trying to watch movies with kids.
Separated AH was drunk again last night and started more chaos. Then this morning he came by apologetic and hungover.
Now he is nowhere to be found again after a remorseful 2 hour conversation. Pain just continues!
I need someone to tell me how to face the world alone!
Separated AH was drunk again last night and started more chaos. Then this morning he came by apologetic and hungover.
Now he is nowhere to be found again after a remorseful 2 hour conversation. Pain just continues!
I need someone to tell me how to face the world alone!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Iamthird, you don't need to face the world alone.
Maybe without your chaotic disruptive destructive AH, yes.
But not alone, never alone. We are here for you, and we are many. We will be here for you and with you throughout this ordeal.
There are people in your community - real live physical presence people who will be there for you and with you. You can find them; put an inquiry out there on the wind, and they will find you.
Real people who have real compassion and empathy. People who are at a place in their lives where they can truly give. Maybe this a time for you to receive. I have been given so much in so many desperate moments, and now, when I can, I give forward. And sometimes I come here to receive again. We are real people, real souls, who reach forward to you. You are not alone.
If it is too much for you right now to deal with the rollercoaster of your AH's actions and emotions, you can take a break.
Gather your strength around you like a veil, like a bandage, like a cocoon, and don't let him in right now. Only choose what makes you feel better, what makes you feel nurtured and loved.
He can wait. Maybe a break will bring him to his senses; maybe it won't. That is not what is important here, right now, for you. You and your health and your serenity are paramount. You have the right to choose them. Later you can deal with your marriage and your husband. Now is for you. Candles, bubble baths, soothing music, meditation, whatever brings you peace.
I have found much peace and serenity in the six months since I left my alcoholic abusive husband. And I have lost it, and found it again. I have also found God, my Higher Power, and sometimes when I am the most despairing, I have cried out and to my disbelief, an answer has come back.
How can we help?
Would you like some of us to send you a message of hope and inspiration and caring each day? We can have a thread to do that, or we can send your private messages.
I'd be glad to do that, and I imagine others will, too.
Tell us how we can be there for you.
Take care,
ShootingStar1
Maybe without your chaotic disruptive destructive AH, yes.
But not alone, never alone. We are here for you, and we are many. We will be here for you and with you throughout this ordeal.
There are people in your community - real live physical presence people who will be there for you and with you. You can find them; put an inquiry out there on the wind, and they will find you.
Real people who have real compassion and empathy. People who are at a place in their lives where they can truly give. Maybe this a time for you to receive. I have been given so much in so many desperate moments, and now, when I can, I give forward. And sometimes I come here to receive again. We are real people, real souls, who reach forward to you. You are not alone.
If it is too much for you right now to deal with the rollercoaster of your AH's actions and emotions, you can take a break.
Gather your strength around you like a veil, like a bandage, like a cocoon, and don't let him in right now. Only choose what makes you feel better, what makes you feel nurtured and loved.
He can wait. Maybe a break will bring him to his senses; maybe it won't. That is not what is important here, right now, for you. You and your health and your serenity are paramount. You have the right to choose them. Later you can deal with your marriage and your husband. Now is for you. Candles, bubble baths, soothing music, meditation, whatever brings you peace.
I have found much peace and serenity in the six months since I left my alcoholic abusive husband. And I have lost it, and found it again. I have also found God, my Higher Power, and sometimes when I am the most despairing, I have cried out and to my disbelief, an answer has come back.
How can we help?
Would you like some of us to send you a message of hope and inspiration and caring each day? We can have a thread to do that, or we can send your private messages.
I'd be glad to do that, and I imagine others will, too.
Tell us how we can be there for you.
Take care,
ShootingStar1
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 609
Thank you Shooting Star. That is just what I needed.
I feel so crazy.
Its my birthday and I had no plans. I dont have any family of origin around. So it was just me and my children. I did cry because my 13 yr old boy and 4 year old girl made me a cake all on their own. I know I should be grateful for that and I was...i hugged them both tightly.
But Ive been in and out of tears all day. I have been on this site, in contact with friends, on phone with therapist. I journaled today so much.
It is so hard to be a single mother going through a separation with AH and facing my cancer. Last night AH called his sisters/my sister in laws who Ive kept in contact with and maintained relationships with. He gave them a drunken berating of how they are takers and I do too much for them and their children. I do, but I never complain. It was like He was trying to defend me but I didnt need him to. It made no sense to me because he is the meanest to me! He should have lectured himself! So of course they call me thinking I asked him to call which i was asleep when they called. Its just chaos and drama that he brings! This morning he seemed remorseful and I got sucked in believing he cares.
I just want to be taken care of for once in my life. Im always taking care of everyone else and Im so angry and resentful because I need someone to take care of me now. When I need that, separated AH is off with new girlfriend and it kills me. I am battling mentally. Im scared Im falling into depression and theyre going to win!
My heart is breaking and I really dont know what else to do that Im not already doing. I feel so bad because my 13 year old is doing so much more around the house then he should have to because Im ill. I cant even play with my 4 year old baby girl because Im easily tired.
Separated AH told me this morning that he knows he is unhealthy and needs help. He said he knows he needs to stop drinking. He said but when it comes down to it he doesnt have what it takes to be the man I need. I just want to scream "i have cancer. Life is short. I need help. Get your act together!"
I guess he is right but it doesnt stop my pain nonetheless.
I feel so crazy.
Its my birthday and I had no plans. I dont have any family of origin around. So it was just me and my children. I did cry because my 13 yr old boy and 4 year old girl made me a cake all on their own. I know I should be grateful for that and I was...i hugged them both tightly.
But Ive been in and out of tears all day. I have been on this site, in contact with friends, on phone with therapist. I journaled today so much.
It is so hard to be a single mother going through a separation with AH and facing my cancer. Last night AH called his sisters/my sister in laws who Ive kept in contact with and maintained relationships with. He gave them a drunken berating of how they are takers and I do too much for them and their children. I do, but I never complain. It was like He was trying to defend me but I didnt need him to. It made no sense to me because he is the meanest to me! He should have lectured himself! So of course they call me thinking I asked him to call which i was asleep when they called. Its just chaos and drama that he brings! This morning he seemed remorseful and I got sucked in believing he cares.
I just want to be taken care of for once in my life. Im always taking care of everyone else and Im so angry and resentful because I need someone to take care of me now. When I need that, separated AH is off with new girlfriend and it kills me. I am battling mentally. Im scared Im falling into depression and theyre going to win!
My heart is breaking and I really dont know what else to do that Im not already doing. I feel so bad because my 13 year old is doing so much more around the house then he should have to because Im ill. I cant even play with my 4 year old baby girl because Im easily tired.
Separated AH told me this morning that he knows he is unhealthy and needs help. He said he knows he needs to stop drinking. He said but when it comes down to it he doesnt have what it takes to be the man I need. I just want to scream "i have cancer. Life is short. I need help. Get your act together!"
I guess he is right but it doesnt stop my pain nonetheless.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello there IamThird, and pleased to "meet" you 
Congratulations on your birthday, and on having the strength to keep going in spite of all the hardships you face. I fully understand what you are going thru. Let me tell you a little about me, so that you and I can share some ideas and suggestions about the nastiness of life.
I have a terminal disease called "autonomic neuropathy". The short version is that it slowly destroys the insides of my body. The good news is that it is slow, so I won't die right away. The bad news is that it is very painful, and very incapacitating.
I was diagnosed soon after my ex left me for 3 other guys, and I had to deal with all the paperwork, the insurance, the never ending phone calls, the apointments, the pharmacy, and on and on. Most days I get home from work and spend the rest of they day doing paperwork, all of it tyring to wrestle with companies that are supposed to help me, and are making money from "suposedly" helping me.
A couple years after that I needed surgery, which went horribly bad and I ended up in the hospital for a while and having brain surgery. I now have a cyst growing inside my brain which is causing it's own bunch of problems.
Couple years after that my doc called me up to tell me the latest MRI showed I now have an aneurysm in my brain. I guess to keep the cyst from getting lonely in that big space
So now I am dealing with that.
Along the way the meds they have been giving me caused a severe case of osteoporosis. I had just moved to the East Coast because the company I was working for was going broke and closed the shop on the West Coast. So I moved because I want to stay alive, and without insurance that wont happen, and without a job I won't have insurance.
You know how that goes.
I'm there for a year and what do you know? They closed _that_ shop and I'm unemployed again. I figured it's warmer on the West coast and I'd rather be unemployed in the warm weather so back I went.
I actually had a good day last Saturday. The whole day I felt normal. Not good, but at least I wasn't in pain, running to the bathroom, desperate for a nap, trying to remember what pill to take when. I'm going to remember that Saturday for a long time.
Having somebody to just sit with me when I feel awful, somebody to do something small like take the mail out, or pick up a gallon of milk. I would _so_ love to have somebody like that. But I don't. After 20 years of marriage she went off to chase her addiction.
What I do is I focus on small pieces of time. One small goal at a time. Sometimes it's just get the laundry in the washer. Nothing more. If I can get that done it's a win. I go back to bed and just see how long it takes the meds to kick in and if the laundry stays in the machine until tomorrow well that's just fine. It's not going to run away.
Sometimes I don't write the letters. Not now anyway. Not today. Now I just focus on keeping the body going, everything else I put off until later. Later I may feel better and if I do then I will decide about the letters. Not now.
Those groups have been wonderful for me. I met a woman who had the exact same disease as I do ( nothing else, just the neuropathy ) and it was great being able to talk to somebody who _understands_. It's not the medical condition that is such a huge burden, it's that you have to be healthy and energetic and have lots of free time to fight for your medical care. I just don't have the energy, I can barely hold on to my job. If there were somebody out there who acutally cared, who actually made an effort for us terminal peeps, I might have the time and energy to take better care of my health.
You know? As tired and hurting as I am, I still would rather do it alone than _wish_ I was alone. If I let my ex back in my life things would just be worse. I really like the peace and quiet I have now. I don't want her back. Not the _whole_ package, good and bad. It would be nice if I could have just the good side of her, but that's not reality. That's just a fantasy.
Being sick is awful. Not the being sick part, but dealing with a society that shuns the ill, and fighting a system that makes more money by _not_ helping those who need it.
The good news is that I am still alive, and well enough to enjoy the sun poking thru the clouds or the smell of rain in the air. I don't get out as much as I used to, instead I go to meetings and listen to peeps share their own stories. I hang out here on SR and help keep the place clean. I've even gone out on a few dates, but that's another story.
I am sorry you are going thru this, IamThird, it is just a nightmare. I don't have any witty lines to cheer you up. I know they just don't work when everything around you is dark. What works for me is to focus on the good things immediately around me. Just today. Just this hour. Most of the time I just look at what I can do for _me_ just this one _minute_. Whether it be a cup of tea, or a peanut butter sandwich, or watch a vid on youtube. That gets me thru the minute and a few more. Maybe I go for a walk around the building I live in, it can be pretty in the evening.
Hang in there, IamThird. You will get thru today. You've got hundreds of people right here praying for you. Tomorrow you can worry about tomorrow.
Mike
Congratulations on your birthday, and on having the strength to keep going in spite of all the hardships you face. I fully understand what you are going thru. Let me tell you a little about me, so that you and I can share some ideas and suggestions about the nastiness of life.
I have a terminal disease called "autonomic neuropathy". The short version is that it slowly destroys the insides of my body. The good news is that it is slow, so I won't die right away. The bad news is that it is very painful, and very incapacitating.
I was diagnosed soon after my ex left me for 3 other guys, and I had to deal with all the paperwork, the insurance, the never ending phone calls, the apointments, the pharmacy, and on and on. Most days I get home from work and spend the rest of they day doing paperwork, all of it tyring to wrestle with companies that are supposed to help me, and are making money from "suposedly" helping me.
A couple years after that I needed surgery, which went horribly bad and I ended up in the hospital for a while and having brain surgery. I now have a cyst growing inside my brain which is causing it's own bunch of problems.
Couple years after that my doc called me up to tell me the latest MRI showed I now have an aneurysm in my brain. I guess to keep the cyst from getting lonely in that big space
So now I am dealing with that.Along the way the meds they have been giving me caused a severe case of osteoporosis. I had just moved to the East Coast because the company I was working for was going broke and closed the shop on the West Coast. So I moved because I want to stay alive, and without insurance that wont happen, and without a job I won't have insurance.
You know how that goes.
I'm there for a year and what do you know? They closed _that_ shop and I'm unemployed again. I figured it's warmer on the West coast and I'd rather be unemployed in the warm weather so back I went.
I actually had a good day last Saturday. The whole day I felt normal. Not good, but at least I wasn't in pain, running to the bathroom, desperate for a nap, trying to remember what pill to take when. I'm going to remember that Saturday for a long time.
Having somebody to just sit with me when I feel awful, somebody to do something small like take the mail out, or pick up a gallon of milk. I would _so_ love to have somebody like that. But I don't. After 20 years of marriage she went off to chase her addiction.
What I do is I focus on small pieces of time. One small goal at a time. Sometimes it's just get the laundry in the washer. Nothing more. If I can get that done it's a win. I go back to bed and just see how long it takes the meds to kick in and if the laundry stays in the machine until tomorrow well that's just fine. It's not going to run away.
Sometimes I don't write the letters. Not now anyway. Not today. Now I just focus on keeping the body going, everything else I put off until later. Later I may feel better and if I do then I will decide about the letters. Not now.
Those groups have been wonderful for me. I met a woman who had the exact same disease as I do ( nothing else, just the neuropathy ) and it was great being able to talk to somebody who _understands_. It's not the medical condition that is such a huge burden, it's that you have to be healthy and energetic and have lots of free time to fight for your medical care. I just don't have the energy, I can barely hold on to my job. If there were somebody out there who acutally cared, who actually made an effort for us terminal peeps, I might have the time and energy to take better care of my health.
You know? As tired and hurting as I am, I still would rather do it alone than _wish_ I was alone. If I let my ex back in my life things would just be worse. I really like the peace and quiet I have now. I don't want her back. Not the _whole_ package, good and bad. It would be nice if I could have just the good side of her, but that's not reality. That's just a fantasy.
Being sick is awful. Not the being sick part, but dealing with a society that shuns the ill, and fighting a system that makes more money by _not_ helping those who need it.
The good news is that I am still alive, and well enough to enjoy the sun poking thru the clouds or the smell of rain in the air. I don't get out as much as I used to, instead I go to meetings and listen to peeps share their own stories. I hang out here on SR and help keep the place clean. I've even gone out on a few dates, but that's another story.
I am sorry you are going thru this, IamThird, it is just a nightmare. I don't have any witty lines to cheer you up. I know they just don't work when everything around you is dark. What works for me is to focus on the good things immediately around me. Just today. Just this hour. Most of the time I just look at what I can do for _me_ just this one _minute_. Whether it be a cup of tea, or a peanut butter sandwich, or watch a vid on youtube. That gets me thru the minute and a few more. Maybe I go for a walk around the building I live in, it can be pretty in the evening.
Hang in there, IamThird. You will get thru today. You've got hundreds of people right here praying for you. Tomorrow you can worry about tomorrow.
Mike
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 284
Originally Posted by ShootingStar1
If it is too much for you right now to deal with the rollercoaster of your AH's actions and emotions, you can take a break. Gather your strength around you like a veil, like a bandage, like a cocoon, and don't let him in right now. Only choose what makes you feel better, what makes you feel nurtured and loved.
Not so much kudos on your AH. Let his drama pass over you. It does not need to be your drama. His sisters have known him for a long time. They'll get over it, or they'll get caught up in his chaos. Either way, that's on them. The thing is, your AH is facing something just as serious and potentially deadly as your cancer. The difference is that you are doing everything in your power to combat your disease (kudos go to you!). And, unfortunately, his disease has rendered him more than useless for providing you support right now. No, it's not just unfair, it's completely unfair and heartbreaking.
Know that your feelings are justified and your reactions are normal. I love what ShootingStar wrote above. Snuggle in bed with your kids under a mountain of blankets. Maybe your 13 yr old would read a book out loud for you (Harry Potter is really fun to read out loud). In any case, give yourself time to focus on the warmth and love in your own household.
Hugs,
Fathom
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Central Valley
Posts: 131
My prayers go out to you. Keep strong and I hope you find each day a little better than the one before.
I can't speak to what you are going through, I am humbled by you and your strength.
I have a loving supportive husband and reasonable health.
Please take care of yourself first!
I can't speak to what you are going through, I am humbled by you and your strength.
I have a loving supportive husband and reasonable health.
Please take care of yourself first!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Birthday hugs! I know it doesn't feel like a "happy" birthday, but it does sound like you have two wonderful kids who love you very much.
I remember when I was being a selfish alcoholic mom (no abuse, no serious neglect, but not being there for my kids the way I should have), and they still thought I was the awesomest mom in the world. They were too young to know about the power of flattery.
Hope the coming year is better for you.
Hugs,
I remember when I was being a selfish alcoholic mom (no abuse, no serious neglect, but not being there for my kids the way I should have), and they still thought I was the awesomest mom in the world. They were too young to know about the power of flattery.
Hope the coming year is better for you.
Hugs,
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