Scared/Confused
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1
Scared/Confused
My A has been sober for one year after being hospitalized in ICU for low sodium due to chronic back pain/drinking to numb the pain. He was never abusive, mentally or physically, always went to work, careful to never get a DUI, never went to bars to drink and drink of choice was hard liquor. He was basically "checked out" when it came to family, but he figured he didn't have a problem because he provided for the family. Ha!
When he was hopsitalized, I told them to detox him and I told him the marriage was over unless he stayed sober. After being hospitalized for 4 days, he came home with Ataxia (damage to part of the brain that affects walking), as a result of too much alcohol. He was told he "might" recover "if" he stayed sober or it could be permanent damage to the brain.
After three months, he recovered from the Ataxia and it scared the hell out of him. After being an alcoholic for over 15 years, he has detoxed once and stayed sober. However, he will always have the chronic low back pain and is currently on oxycodone through a pain management doctor with intermitent injections in the low back.
He has always liked the taste of beer but as long as I can remember never used beer to get drunk. He started drinking the hard stuff when he was 18. In the end it was straight vodka. Beer has always been his social drink so nobody knew he had a drinking problem. After a few months of being sober, he started drinking the non-alcoholic beer. He liked the taste but hated the price. Recently he has started drinking beer. However, it takes him three hours to drink one as I monitor it very closely. Sometimes he actually dumps half of it out because it's warm. He knows my concerns with this but assures me it isn't for the alcohol, he just like the taste.
Can anyone relate to this? I am very confused?
When he was hopsitalized, I told them to detox him and I told him the marriage was over unless he stayed sober. After being hospitalized for 4 days, he came home with Ataxia (damage to part of the brain that affects walking), as a result of too much alcohol. He was told he "might" recover "if" he stayed sober or it could be permanent damage to the brain.
After three months, he recovered from the Ataxia and it scared the hell out of him. After being an alcoholic for over 15 years, he has detoxed once and stayed sober. However, he will always have the chronic low back pain and is currently on oxycodone through a pain management doctor with intermitent injections in the low back.
He has always liked the taste of beer but as long as I can remember never used beer to get drunk. He started drinking the hard stuff when he was 18. In the end it was straight vodka. Beer has always been his social drink so nobody knew he had a drinking problem. After a few months of being sober, he started drinking the non-alcoholic beer. He liked the taste but hated the price. Recently he has started drinking beer. However, it takes him three hours to drink one as I monitor it very closely. Sometimes he actually dumps half of it out because it's warm. He knows my concerns with this but assures me it isn't for the alcohol, he just like the taste.
Can anyone relate to this? I am very confused?
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Well, possibly he is drinking the hard stuff and the beer is a ploy to throw you off the track. I don't know, my exabf, said he was drinking Mountain Dew and it really was Tilt, a
high caffine beer that was the same color as Mountain Dew....took me awhile to figure that out. Kept watching his actions, spoke for themselves, the Mountain dew was a red herring.
So, all I can say is "Watch His Actions" forget his words.
high caffine beer that was the same color as Mountain Dew....took me awhile to figure that out. Kept watching his actions, spoke for themselves, the Mountain dew was a red herring.
So, all I can say is "Watch His Actions" forget his words.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
Please make yourself at home by reading, posting and venting as much as needed. We are here to support you.
It seems confusing to me that someone who enjoys the taste of beer takes 3 hours to finish one 12 oz beverage. If someone preferes the taste of Coke over Pepsi, do they take 3 hours to drink it?
What does your gut tell you? I'd listen to my gut and watch his actions.
I learned a lot about how alcohol affects the entire body of alcoholics by reading "Under the Influence". I read excerpts from the book here at SR. I learned how alcohol is one of the few chemicals that can pass the blood/brain barrier.
I mention the book to let you know something I learned: alcohol is alcohol to the body of an alcoholic. It triggers an unhealthy reaction no matter if the alcohol came from beer or vodka.
Here is a link to the excerpts from "Under the Influence":
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Please make yourself at home by reading, posting and venting as much as needed. We are here to support you.
It seems confusing to me that someone who enjoys the taste of beer takes 3 hours to finish one 12 oz beverage. If someone preferes the taste of Coke over Pepsi, do they take 3 hours to drink it?
What does your gut tell you? I'd listen to my gut and watch his actions.
I learned a lot about how alcohol affects the entire body of alcoholics by reading "Under the Influence". I read excerpts from the book here at SR. I learned how alcohol is one of the few chemicals that can pass the blood/brain barrier.
I mention the book to let you know something I learned: alcohol is alcohol to the body of an alcoholic. It triggers an unhealthy reaction no matter if the alcohol came from beer or vodka.
Here is a link to the excerpts from "Under the Influence":
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: NY
Posts: 67
When my XABF broke up with me for the first time (after a huge family drama during Christmas, when I told his mother that his son was an alcoholic in hopes of finding help and support), exactly one year ago, he admitted he had a problem and said he could stop drinking...
He went dry for a few months. He needed to prove to his whole family that I was crazy, that he was no alcoholic. "Look, mom!!! 30 days and not a beer!... i'm fine!!! 50 days and not a beer!!! WOULD AN ALCOHOLIC BE ABLE TO DO THIS??? NO!!!"
Unfortunately, I too was fooled by this behavior and begged to have him back in my life, thinking I had exaggerated my initial judgement of the situation....... He began to drink soooo moderately, ONE glass of wine, because it was only fair to have good wine with a good piece of meat, ONE beer at a concert, because we were at a concert. Always only ONE drink and never for the sake of drinking, just because of the social situation. He said he didn't want to feel like a weirdo his whole life and just drink water or soda.
The more in love I fell, the more permissive I became, so slowly the ONE beer once a week, became pizza and beer on weekends, two beers per person. Next thing I knew, he had alcoholic breath again when I got home, and I knew I was screwed. One whole year went by, and there was not a single day that I would come home and not hope he hadn't been drinking....
Sorry dear, but out of personal experience, I think he is trying to fool you. My XABF drank anything silly, all of those alcoholic drinks with energy shots in them, because he said it was like drinking orange soda but with a kick to it, he learned to eat pickled jalapenos (I am Mexican) to hide his breath. I realized this right away, as nobody sits at home in front of the computer eating pickled jalapeno peppers 5 times a week!!! Then it was coffee, always ingesting some STRONG ODORED drink or food to hide the smell of alcohol. But I was no fool, the smell was always there.
Finally, 2 days before Christmas this year (just one week ago!!!) we had a huge fight, which he started over something stupid after having 3 tall boys of Beck's.....cuz his idea of pizza and beer is 2 slices of pizza and 72 Oz of beer!!!!!!!!!! My response was: sure, grab another beer and get all violent, scream and throw things around the house again. To make a long story short, I told him he was an alcoholic, 10 times i said it. He blamed me for destroying his family one year ago. Said I was crazy and he was an alcoholic but at least he had a heart, unlike me..........
Honey, don't be fooled. Half a beer will become one, will become two, will become three, will become a pint of rum, will become a living nightmare for you again. Unfortunately, you have to accept NOTHING short of sobriety. Complete sobriety...... make it stop right away, or you will get sucked in just like I did, and have to start again from zero.
Be strong, dear!!!!!!! You can do this!!!!!! Remember you didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it!! But you can make sure that you make yourself happy. I know you love him, but in my experience, when you stop caring about someone who IS UNABLE to care for you, you automatically start caring for yourself, and making sure your needs are met.
I send my best to you. Keep Calm. Take a warm water bath.
He went dry for a few months. He needed to prove to his whole family that I was crazy, that he was no alcoholic. "Look, mom!!! 30 days and not a beer!... i'm fine!!! 50 days and not a beer!!! WOULD AN ALCOHOLIC BE ABLE TO DO THIS??? NO!!!"
Unfortunately, I too was fooled by this behavior and begged to have him back in my life, thinking I had exaggerated my initial judgement of the situation....... He began to drink soooo moderately, ONE glass of wine, because it was only fair to have good wine with a good piece of meat, ONE beer at a concert, because we were at a concert. Always only ONE drink and never for the sake of drinking, just because of the social situation. He said he didn't want to feel like a weirdo his whole life and just drink water or soda.
The more in love I fell, the more permissive I became, so slowly the ONE beer once a week, became pizza and beer on weekends, two beers per person. Next thing I knew, he had alcoholic breath again when I got home, and I knew I was screwed. One whole year went by, and there was not a single day that I would come home and not hope he hadn't been drinking....
Sorry dear, but out of personal experience, I think he is trying to fool you. My XABF drank anything silly, all of those alcoholic drinks with energy shots in them, because he said it was like drinking orange soda but with a kick to it, he learned to eat pickled jalapenos (I am Mexican) to hide his breath. I realized this right away, as nobody sits at home in front of the computer eating pickled jalapeno peppers 5 times a week!!! Then it was coffee, always ingesting some STRONG ODORED drink or food to hide the smell of alcohol. But I was no fool, the smell was always there.
Finally, 2 days before Christmas this year (just one week ago!!!) we had a huge fight, which he started over something stupid after having 3 tall boys of Beck's.....cuz his idea of pizza and beer is 2 slices of pizza and 72 Oz of beer!!!!!!!!!! My response was: sure, grab another beer and get all violent, scream and throw things around the house again. To make a long story short, I told him he was an alcoholic, 10 times i said it. He blamed me for destroying his family one year ago. Said I was crazy and he was an alcoholic but at least he had a heart, unlike me..........
Honey, don't be fooled. Half a beer will become one, will become two, will become three, will become a pint of rum, will become a living nightmare for you again. Unfortunately, you have to accept NOTHING short of sobriety. Complete sobriety...... make it stop right away, or you will get sucked in just like I did, and have to start again from zero.
Be strong, dear!!!!!!! You can do this!!!!!! Remember you didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it!! But you can make sure that you make yourself happy. I know you love him, but in my experience, when you stop caring about someone who IS UNABLE to care for you, you automatically start caring for yourself, and making sure your needs are met.
I send my best to you. Keep Calm. Take a warm water bath.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
"alcoholic drinks with energy shots in them, because he said it was like drinking orange soda but with a kick to it, he learned to eat pickled jalapenos."
Yikes, someone who is pickled...eating pickled jalapenos...a double pickle con! I am always amazed at the lengths they will go through to attempt to fool us!
Yikes, someone who is pickled...eating pickled jalapenos...a double pickle con! I am always amazed at the lengths they will go through to attempt to fool us!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 31
Mine always said he loved garlic it was so healthy for you. he'd eat it whole ...told my daughter when in recovery it was to hide his breath! He also took an hour to drink a beer and also made it look like it was only one. It made me look paranoid and crazy. I swear they all read the same book on manipulation !
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