pattyG

I haven't posted in awhile...it seems I have taken small baby steps to extract myself from my 4year relationship. She moved out in June after our son was born. I refused to let her back this Fall because nothing had changed. i know she loves the kids but is too f*cked up in the head to look out for their best interests. She venomously hates my best friend who is really like my family. Today she accused me of bugging the car, house and downloading her phone info to someplace I could search it. (because "I knew too much")I told her i was done, it was over. I didn't want to be with her anymore. i feel okay right now. The issue I'm having is the kids. They do see her as their other parent, she has been there all their lives. I do know she loves them. We had always agreed to Tue/Thur/Sun visitation in the event we broke up. Not overnights. I am willing to stick with that since it occurs at my house. The issue i have is she is attempting to control me by demanding that no one come to the house those times when she is there. i have 14 rental properties my best friend is my life line, she works on them...I can't meet this request. I had a Xmas party i am planning on taking the kids too Sun, so I asked her to switch days...she is mad. After much texting she agreed. I now feel guilty but am trying to let that go.

betterthanbefor

I know this story! Sadly, your ex sounds a lot like a person who is bitter & allowing jealousy over your close friend & your moving on get the better of her. I bet she's very hurt & angry about the break up & manipulating you is her only way to hold on. If she's not your kids biological mother then it's all up to you & you make all the visitation choices. She should know better not to try & burn any bridges between you guys cause it will make thing very ugly in the future. Especially if you get into a new relationship one day & you've completely moved on.

Pelican

Your original agreement didn't include who could be around during visits, right?
These visits occur in YOUR home, right?

You have the right to say NO to her request. It is your home, not a private rental to accomodate her visits.

No. It is a complete sentence. You do not have to explain your reason.

Sorry that you are having to still deal with alcohlic drama.

pattyG

Thank you both for responding. I have been reading the other posts and decided to call the woman's abuse hotline for help. I spoke to a wonderful woman there that pointed me in the right direction. She adviced me to send my ex a certified letter, detailing out the boundaries, that the relationship was over and that i could no longer tolerate her paranoid accusations or abuse. I need to ask that she only communicate via email with me and give things some time/space. If she continues I can then get an order of protection. I don't think i mentinoned it here but she has 2 handguns and a concealed weapons permit.

FireSprite

Wow, concealed weapons is a scary thing to have to consider. I'm so glad that you reached out for help & found some useful information.

Tuffgirl

Hi PattyG,
Not only is this great advice for documentation purposes if further legal help is needed, but it also allows you to document this for yourself. I hope you keep a file or journal and can go back and read this stuff during those times when you feel vulnerable.

I do appreciate the desire to keep things somewhat "normal" for the kids sake. Just be careful. Active addicts can be unsafe and unpredictable.

Peace,
~T

betterthanbefor

That's great that you're moving forward like that! I know so many men & woman that just put up w/the abuse & manipulation of an ex for years! But not you, you're stronger than that
Hope it all works out for all of you.