A Breakthrough? Rock bottom?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Nj
Posts: 195
A Breakthrough? Rock bottom?
Ok so I havent written here in a while...mainly because I didnt want to tell you all that I got back together with the ABF. I put down some very hard boundaries and made it known that if he doesnt follow them im gone. I think leaving was what I needed to do though. To make him see that I am serious about this. If I said those boundaries 2 months ago it would have been laughable because I never would have stuck to them-now I will, and I made that known.
Anyway, one of my boundaries was that if he ends up in the hospital again he goes straight to rehab. However, last night I got home from dinner with a friend and was face-timing with him. Im sitting there talking about my new headphones I just bought and he cuts me off with "im checking into a rehab tomorrow" BAM. not expecting that. So I went over. He was crying and told me he is so tired of everything. He is tired of not seeing the beauty that is in this world, and not being the happy person he used to be, tired of hiding things and tired of being drunk. Just tired. I was in shock. My first response was to want to go home and tell my parents. Talk to them about how proud I was that he came to this on his own-with no push from me at all. However, I didnt say anything to anyone-his appointment is at 7pm tonight so I dont want to go chatting away when who knows what might happen throughout today. So I came here. I had to tell someone. I know you all understand and will be supportive but also be there for me if tonight he ends up deciding he doesnt need to go.
Anyway, could this be rock bottom? Maybe this will be the turning point. I'm trying not to get my hopes up...we will see.
Anyway-just needed to share.
Anyway, one of my boundaries was that if he ends up in the hospital again he goes straight to rehab. However, last night I got home from dinner with a friend and was face-timing with him. Im sitting there talking about my new headphones I just bought and he cuts me off with "im checking into a rehab tomorrow" BAM. not expecting that. So I went over. He was crying and told me he is so tired of everything. He is tired of not seeing the beauty that is in this world, and not being the happy person he used to be, tired of hiding things and tired of being drunk. Just tired. I was in shock. My first response was to want to go home and tell my parents. Talk to them about how proud I was that he came to this on his own-with no push from me at all. However, I didnt say anything to anyone-his appointment is at 7pm tonight so I dont want to go chatting away when who knows what might happen throughout today. So I came here. I had to tell someone. I know you all understand and will be supportive but also be there for me if tonight he ends up deciding he doesnt need to go.
Anyway, could this be rock bottom? Maybe this will be the turning point. I'm trying not to get my hopes up...we will see.
Anyway-just needed to share.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Perhaps it will be, who knows? All that can be done is wait and see. But yes, it sounds encouraging that he is seeing the possibilities of living a better life.
So what will you do if he doesn't go tonight?
So what will you do if he doesn't go tonight?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Nj
Posts: 195
I honestly don't know. I won't see him tonight and I leave tomorrow right after work for Texas until Sunday. I guess I will use that to think about what I want to do. I'm just hoping he is serious and it doesn't come down to that.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
prayers & positive thoughts that he allows himself the opportunity to try things another way and that you are able to continue on your own path of recovery to step back & let him & his HP work ~
pink hugs ~
pink hugs ~
box of chocolates
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
I am happy for you . for him. that is HUGE for an alcoholic to say im going to rehab thats it im tired! i wish i heard those words.
you have every reason to be proud of him and happy for yourself but i completely understand why you held off on telling everyone else as its not yet there and as a loved one of an addict we are hopeful but cautious and so we take baby steps.
you have every reason to be proud of him and happy for yourself but i completely understand why you held off on telling everyone else as its not yet there and as a loved one of an addict we are hopeful but cautious and so we take baby steps.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Nj
Posts: 195
Choublak-I guess it's more of a condition? If he didn't go straigt to rehab it was done. He doesn't get crazy drunk so sometimes I can't Even tell he has been drinking so there is no point is sayin I won't be around him while drunk. He also doesn't drink in front of me.
I spoke with him a little just now and asked how he was feeling about tonight. He said he felt good about it. He also said everything is worked out with work (he owns the business) so that is positive. I feel pretty positive because he didn't just say it to me-he told him mom, and all his employees. I'm just glad he came to te decision on his own. I was thinking of getting an intervention together but I'm glad I didn't have to force him. He has to want it
I spoke with him a little just now and asked how he was feeling about tonight. He said he felt good about it. He also said everything is worked out with work (he owns the business) so that is positive. I feel pretty positive because he didn't just say it to me-he told him mom, and all his employees. I'm just glad he came to te decision on his own. I was thinking of getting an intervention together but I'm glad I didn't have to force him. He has to want it
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Nj
Posts: 195
Choublak-I guess it's more of a condition? If he didn't go straigt to rehab it was done. He doesn't get crazy drunk so sometimes I can't Even tell he has been drinking so there is no point is sayin I won't be around him while drunk. He also doesn't drink in front of me.
I spoke with him a little just now and asked how he was feeling about tonight. He said he felt good about it. He also said everything is worked out with work (he owns the business) so that is positive. I feel pretty positive because he didn't just say it to me-he told him mom, and all his employees. I'm just glad he came to te decision on his own. I was thinking of getting an intervention together but I'm glad I didn't have to force him. He has to want it
I spoke with him a little just now and asked how he was feeling about tonight. He said he felt good about it. He also said everything is worked out with work (he owns the business) so that is positive. I feel pretty positive because he didn't just say it to me-he told him mom, and all his employees. I'm just glad he came to te decision on his own. I was thinking of getting an intervention together but I'm glad I didn't have to force him. He has to want it
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 37
Well, I'm excited for you! Cautiously excited because i've heard that from my XABF...to the point that he told everyone he works with, got paperwork to repossess his car, put in his 2 weeks notice and had an appointment to check in...and then...he didn't go. I hope that you have a different outcome...my fingers are crossed for you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by bamboo10 
one of my boundaries was that if he ends up in the hospital again he goes straight to rehab.
Ultimatums are "if you do ABC, then you must do XYZ, or I am done."
He's a grown man and knows where the help is.
Sending you hugs of support.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Nj
Posts: 195
Ok it's an ultimatum nt a boundary. It is what it is. That's not that only thing I told himself had other boundaries such as I refuse to marry an active a. But my post wasn't really about whatt boundaries or ultimatums or whatever are. My post was about the fact that it didn't have to come down to an ultimatum. He made the decision on his own. Without me having to push. He decided that he wants it. That's what I was sharing. Ad I know it might not work or he might back out- but I'm encouraged.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
This is a very positive step for him, and I sincerely hope he follows through.
One thing, though, I don't think that Sober Recovery should be giving the impression to people like you that it isn't acceptable to stay with your alcoholic and try to work stuff out. That's your right, and you know the situation, so it's your call, and you need to be respected for that. You shouldn't feel judged or unable to post because you think people won't approve of your choice.
What people here should be doing is giving you feedback about their experiences in similar situations so that you can weigh how their experience compares to yours, and not make mistakes that you can avoid.
Just my opinion, take it or leave it.
ShootingStar1
One thing, though, I don't think that Sober Recovery should be giving the impression to people like you that it isn't acceptable to stay with your alcoholic and try to work stuff out. That's your right, and you know the situation, so it's your call, and you need to be respected for that. You shouldn't feel judged or unable to post because you think people won't approve of your choice.
What people here should be doing is giving you feedback about their experiences in similar situations so that you can weigh how their experience compares to yours, and not make mistakes that you can avoid.
Just my opinion, take it or leave it.
ShootingStar1
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 378
It's beautiful. It's a step. Even just acknowledging it is an awakening. His Higher Power speaking . . .
And you know what? I don't think anyone should ever feel "bad" or embarrassed coming here and saying they've decided to stay! That's not an act of dishonor. Many times it's the right decision. And if this has helped encouraged him to get treatment - YEA!! So hold your head up. I came back, I stayed - so glad I have!! Life isn't easy for anyone. If it's not this, it'll be something else. So this is your challenge, you and he are working through it - CONGRATS!
And you know what? I don't think anyone should ever feel "bad" or embarrassed coming here and saying they've decided to stay! That's not an act of dishonor. Many times it's the right decision. And if this has helped encouraged him to get treatment - YEA!! So hold your head up. I came back, I stayed - so glad I have!! Life isn't easy for anyone. If it's not this, it'll be something else. So this is your challenge, you and he are working through it - CONGRATS!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Nj
Posts: 195
Thank you shootingstar and others. He is at te rehab now. His appoitment was 7pm. They just took him right now (almost 830 here) hoping the admit him.... He is in good sprits though. He is still 100% happy with his decision to do this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Nj
Posts: 195
He is in. He is in good spirits and officially admitted. I know this doesn't mean everything will magically change but I am proud of him for wanting a better life for himself, for making the choice on his own to get help. Three weeks ago when I mentioned the word rehab he said "I don't see that as the solution" And completely shot it down. Now he is choosing to go himself and get help. So tonight I'm happy, I'm proud, and I'm content. I'm sad that it will be no contact for a while-but it is worth it in my opinion.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
