Tuffgirl

I hear a lot of fear in this post - fear of the unknown. Because there is no way to know the answers to any of these questions without experiencing it.

The unknown is scary. It is easier to remain comfortably miserable with our own status quo then to take a leap of faith on ourselves and change our lives to what we know, deep down inside, we deserve it to be.

So how about today, you take one thing you can change, and do it. Tomorrow, do another. And another. Pretty soon you'll be feeling some confidence! Keep a journal to write this stuff down in so you can go back and remind yourself of how you can make change happen in your life.

Start small, one step at a time, one day at a time. There's no need to tackle all of life's problem at once.

Peace,
~T

Freedom1990

I believed the same thing for many years! When I finally left my EXAH, I had an 8-year-old daughter (not his).

With the exception of two serious relationships, I have been on my own and raised two daughters since the late 80's.

Was it hard? Yes. Were there times I cried and thought I just couldn't keep going? Yes. The amazing thing was that taking it one day at a time, even 5 minutes at a time if necessary got me through all those years.

I got help where I could get it like applying for daycare assistance through social services. There were times I had to go to the food bank to make things stretch.

I worked any job I could get to put food on the table and pay the bills. I worked in a welding shop for a year. I washed dishes at a restaurant for 3 years.

I got continuing education in when possible. I attended tech school in 95 to get my certification in computer programming. I took college classes when I could, and finally enrolled full-time at the age of 50 to get 2 associate degrees.

There is no greater satisfaction in looking back and seeing just how far I have come, all the adversities I managed to get through, and I'm a pretty "alright" gal these days!

The biggest blessing I have had all these years is my circle of support through AA/NA and Alanon (I'm also a long-term recovering addict/alcoholic). Those are the people who kept me going, who saw the growth in me long before I did.

I understand your fear. That fear paralyzed me for many years.

I believe in you. I hope you come to believe in yourself!

Sending hugs of support from Kansas!

Cyranoak

...until YOU change it. YOU.

So what are you going to do to change it?

Cyranoak

redatlanta

Its such a weird thing to be imprisoned by ourselves.

It must run through my mind 100 times a day to end it with my AH. Its usually my first thought when I hear him asleep next to me in the morning. I often say to myself "next year at this time we won't be together'.

I hope you find it in you to leave - You can make it - you are doing it now.

ShootingStar1

"why the hell can't i just go now?? what is my problem that makes me constantly worry about his future, when my ONLY focus should be me and my little ones. and what if they hate me for taking them away from the dad they love? what if they choose him?? what hurts them more? this distant angry relationship, or having their lives turned upside down."

Majool, I think "this distant angry relationship" IS "turning their lives upside down".

It is interesting that when you project into the future, you see all bad consequences of your choices.

What if you, in the spirit of fair play, LOL, look into the future but only look at the good consequences?

In the end, I think the good consequences will more than outweigh the bad; you will be removing a constant source of pain, disruption, and devastation from your life and your children's life.

I wonder what it is that keeps you locked into projecting bad results if you make choices contrary to those that support and enable your husband? What are you afraid of? It might help to ponder these questions; they may be part of the key to what locks you in.

ShootingStar1