Originally Posted by
majool 
i think the reason i continue is the fear that i can't do it on my own. Earn money, look after my kids, keep a home etc - all the stuff that millions of people do every day - but i don't believe i am good enough to do it myself.
I believed the same thing for many years! When I finally left my EXAH, I had an 8-year-old daughter (not his).
With the exception of two serious relationships, I have been on my own and raised two daughters since the late 80's.
Was it hard? Yes. Were there times I cried and thought I just couldn't keep going? Yes. The amazing thing was that taking it one day at a time, even 5 minutes at a time if necessary got me through all those years.
I got help where I could get it like applying for daycare assistance through social services. There were times I had to go to the food bank to make things stretch.
I worked any job I could get to put food on the table and pay the bills. I worked in a welding shop for a year. I washed dishes at a restaurant for 3 years.
I got continuing education in when possible. I attended tech school in 95 to get my certification in computer programming. I took college classes when I could, and finally enrolled full-time at the age of 50 to get 2 associate degrees.
There is no greater satisfaction in looking back and seeing just how far I have come, all the adversities I managed to get through, and I'm a pretty "alright" gal these days!
The biggest blessing I have had all these years is my
circle of support through AA/NA and Alanon (I'm also a long-term recovering addict/alcoholic). Those are the people who kept me going, who saw the growth in me long before I did.
I understand your fear. That fear paralyzed me for many years.
I believe in you. I hope you come to believe in yourself!
Sending hugs of support from Kansas!
