bpd and ptsd and omg
box of chocolates
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
bpd and ptsd and omg
Any family of or alcoholics with ptsd or bpd(borderline) ?
How did drinking impact your drunk?
Were the symptoms of bpd and ptsd worse when drinking? If so how?
And does this make recovery more difficult? When/how did you know that aside from the drinking you/they had other issues? And what made them decide to seek help?
Ah was diagnosed with ptsd years ago and bipolar disorder (although a few months ago I ran across borderline personallity disorder and I can say that I dropped jaw as he matches with atleast 7 signs of bpd) he has not been diagnosed professionally but I think if he opened up to a therapist theyde see the what I see. Imo or I'm delusioned lol
is it common for an addict to be upset about these diagnoses ?
Ie to be upset that there is something qoute "wrong with them"? Have you had experience with an addict who pulled away from recovery because they don't want to be "sick" and be the one with the problem?
I am a looonnng time sufferer of anxiety disorder and ocd diagnosed extremely young but knowing that I'm not crazy and there's a name for what I experience I would think my ah would want the same thing but that may be the addiction speaking . He mopes about his problems instead of embracing them (even just reading that I'm like duh!...he's drinkimg to forget his problems) does recovery help one to embrace the issues inside? What are the success rates for dual diagnosis ?
How did drinking impact your drunk?
Were the symptoms of bpd and ptsd worse when drinking? If so how?
And does this make recovery more difficult? When/how did you know that aside from the drinking you/they had other issues? And what made them decide to seek help?
Ah was diagnosed with ptsd years ago and bipolar disorder (although a few months ago I ran across borderline personallity disorder and I can say that I dropped jaw as he matches with atleast 7 signs of bpd) he has not been diagnosed professionally but I think if he opened up to a therapist theyde see the what I see. Imo or I'm delusioned lol
is it common for an addict to be upset about these diagnoses ?
Ie to be upset that there is something qoute "wrong with them"? Have you had experience with an addict who pulled away from recovery because they don't want to be "sick" and be the one with the problem?
I am a looonnng time sufferer of anxiety disorder and ocd diagnosed extremely young but knowing that I'm not crazy and there's a name for what I experience I would think my ah would want the same thing but that may be the addiction speaking . He mopes about his problems instead of embracing them (even just reading that I'm like duh!...he's drinkimg to forget his problems) does recovery help one to embrace the issues inside? What are the success rates for dual diagnosis ?
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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At 14, my mom took me to a private psychologist to have me evaluated for ADHD/ADD. She could have had me evaluated by the school system, but I was so stubborn about it at the time (I didn't want my peers to know I had a "learning problem"). Furthermore, because I was so adamant about NOT having anything "wrong" with me, I hyper-focused my way through the test and the psychologist told my mom I didn't have ADD. But the only person I fooled was myself, and later on in college surrendered and got tested again, and was honest. Life had caught up with me.
I didn't want to have ADD as a teen. Why? The whole pressure to fit in, for one thing, and also the only "exposure" I'd had to anyone with officially diagnosed legitimate ADD, were those who also had, in addition to ADD, severe developmental and mental disabilities. Nowadays things are changing, and there are more people out there with "stuff", whatever it may be, but when you learn that you yourself might have/be something, and it's not very well represented in your day to day life, you don't want to be anything close to that. In my own experience, the only people I saw who were known to be ADD were the mentally ******** kids in the self contained classes. Actually no, scratch that: they weren't ******** but they were borderline ******** or as the school system called it, "slow learners". Many of these slow learners were also being treated for ADD, so of course the "mainstream" kids would always say, "oh, s/he's not ********, s/he has ADD" so you can understand why I didn't want that "label" as a teenager, right? Try applying the same scenario to bpd.
I apologize in advance if I offended anyone with my use of the word "********" but I didn't know how else to make my point. Also, my mom is a special ed teacher (ironic, I know) so that's how I know about the special ed kids coming into school and they take medication for ADD and who knows what else.
I didn't want to have ADD as a teen. Why? The whole pressure to fit in, for one thing, and also the only "exposure" I'd had to anyone with officially diagnosed legitimate ADD, were those who also had, in addition to ADD, severe developmental and mental disabilities. Nowadays things are changing, and there are more people out there with "stuff", whatever it may be, but when you learn that you yourself might have/be something, and it's not very well represented in your day to day life, you don't want to be anything close to that. In my own experience, the only people I saw who were known to be ADD were the mentally ******** kids in the self contained classes. Actually no, scratch that: they weren't ******** but they were borderline ******** or as the school system called it, "slow learners". Many of these slow learners were also being treated for ADD, so of course the "mainstream" kids would always say, "oh, s/he's not ********, s/he has ADD" so you can understand why I didn't want that "label" as a teenager, right? Try applying the same scenario to bpd.
I apologize in advance if I offended anyone with my use of the word "********" but I didn't know how else to make my point. Also, my mom is a special ed teacher (ironic, I know) so that's how I know about the special ed kids coming into school and they take medication for ADD and who knows what else.
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I was in recovery for an eating disorder when I met and married my qualifier.
I have learned that what I want and need is not always translated into someone else struggling with an addiction, PTSD etc.
For me that kept me in the loop de loop of crazy for awhile. I could not picture not wanting help and to make changes. Just because you do does not correlate that someone else does.
I have learned that what I want and need is not always translated into someone else struggling with an addiction, PTSD etc.
For me that kept me in the loop de loop of crazy for awhile. I could not picture not wanting help and to make changes. Just because you do does not correlate that someone else does.
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I believe my Wife has PTSD from an abusive relationship she was in. And yes, it comes out with ferocityy when she drinks too much.
She even admits she might have PTSD, but refuses to get help with that, or the fact she will, on occasion, admit she has 'alcoholic tendencies'. (Note: they are more thanjust tendencies).
Good Luck.
C-OH Dad
She even admits she might have PTSD, but refuses to get help with that, or the fact she will, on occasion, admit she has 'alcoholic tendencies'. (Note: they are more thanjust tendencies).
Good Luck.
C-OH Dad
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I should also say that when I have attended open AA meetings I have heard many stories of people in sobriety doing the work on their inner demons (in addition to the alcohol).
For me this helped me to see the difference in what my loved one was saying (at times) regarding wanting recovery, and actions to make it different.
That was the hardest part for me though. Accepting that just because I wanted recovery did not mean that he would. Honestly I still think I am struggling with that today two years later.
For me this helped me to see the difference in what my loved one was saying (at times) regarding wanting recovery, and actions to make it different.
That was the hardest part for me though. Accepting that just because I wanted recovery did not mean that he would. Honestly I still think I am struggling with that today two years later.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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I was involved with a girlfriend with BPD. Make sure you understand what you are facing please. I'm out of relationship for a year now, barelly survived and still an emotional mess.
Seek BPD family web site!!!!!! Eggshells walking for a lifetime can be hell
Seek BPD family web site!!!!!! Eggshells walking for a lifetime can be hell
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Originally Posted by choublak 
What are these "inner demons"?
My own personal "inner demons" were my inability to be important in my own life, I have some stuff around guilt regarding the religion I was raised with, many issues around my family of origin, and a significantly stunted emotional development that I covered up with my own addiction issues. I stuffed (literally and figuratively) feelings that they fermented and when I finally let them come up they were bigger and worse than if I had the skills to deal with them then.
The best way I think of my inner demons though is the infection of a wound. I could not begin to heal until I had cleaned out all of the infection. I tried to years to heal the wound without cleaning it out first, just like I tried to put on a smile that all was okay without addressing my own inner demons.
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I,ve been thinking what to reply to this and the only thing I could come up with is
"RUN" if you can.
"RUN" if you can.
Originally Posted by thislonelygirl
Any family of or alcoholics with ptsd or bpd(borderline) ?
How did drinking impact your drunk?
Were the symptoms of bpd and ptsd worse when drinking? If so how?
And does this make recovery more difficult? When/how did you know that aside from the drinking you/they had other issues? And what made them decide to seek help?
Ah was diagnosed with ptsd years ago and bipolar disorder (although a few months ago I ran across borderline personallity disorder and I can say that I dropped jaw as he matches with atleast 7 signs of bpd) he has not been diagnosed professionally but I think if he opened up to a therapist theyde see the what I see. Imo or I'm delusioned lol
is it common for an addict to be upset about these diagnoses ?
Ie to be upset that there is something qoute "wrong with them"? Have you had experience with an addict who pulled away from recovery because they don't want to be "sick" and be the one with the problem?
I am a looonnng time sufferer of anxiety disorder and ocd diagnosed extremely young but knowing that I'm not crazy and there's a name for what I experience I would think my ah would want the same thing but that may be the addiction speaking . He mopes about his problems instead of embracing them (even just reading that I'm like duh!...he's drinkimg to forget his problems) does recovery help one to embrace the issues inside? What are the success rates for dual diagnosis ?
How did drinking impact your drunk?
Were the symptoms of bpd and ptsd worse when drinking? If so how?
And does this make recovery more difficult? When/how did you know that aside from the drinking you/they had other issues? And what made them decide to seek help?
Ah was diagnosed with ptsd years ago and bipolar disorder (although a few months ago I ran across borderline personallity disorder and I can say that I dropped jaw as he matches with atleast 7 signs of bpd) he has not been diagnosed professionally but I think if he opened up to a therapist theyde see the what I see. Imo or I'm delusioned lol
is it common for an addict to be upset about these diagnoses ?
Ie to be upset that there is something qoute "wrong with them"? Have you had experience with an addict who pulled away from recovery because they don't want to be "sick" and be the one with the problem?
I am a looonnng time sufferer of anxiety disorder and ocd diagnosed extremely young but knowing that I'm not crazy and there's a name for what I experience I would think my ah would want the same thing but that may be the addiction speaking . He mopes about his problems instead of embracing them (even just reading that I'm like duh!...he's drinkimg to forget his problems) does recovery help one to embrace the issues inside? What are the success rates for dual diagnosis ?
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he has not been diagnosed professionally
I have two kids with a PTSD diagnosis. One is under treatment and recovering, the other refuses and is... NOT doing well.
If you suspect any kind of trauma-induced or other mental disorder, and your SO does not want to seek treatment, you have a choice between putting yourself in danger or putting yourself at a safe distance from this person.
It sounds to me like you are trying to find excuses for him, so that there is an explanation for why he is behaving like he is. Or so that you have an excuse to stay with him even though your instincts are screaming "RUN!" because you can't run from a sick person, that would be selfish and rude... oh WAIT! I'm not talking about you here. I'm talking about ME. I spent 20 years finding explanations for why my AXH was the way he was. He had a bad childhood, his parents were abusive, his first love cheated on him, every boss he ever had was a jerk, he had some disorder or other that some therapist 25 years ago may have mentioned might fit some of his behaviors...
After 20 years, I got to the point where I realized it didn't matter if he was possessed by demons or had a brain tumor the size of an orange -- I was done exposing myself to his bad behaviors.
Whether it is alcoholism or mental illness or a strange rash, one thing I've learned about people is that you can't make them seek help if they don't want to. What you can do is decide how much of the crazy (or rash) you want to have spill over onto your life.
So that's the question someone here asked me, that I'm now passing along: If nothing changes, if this is the way your entire future will look -- do you still want it? Or would that prospect make you want to make other plans for yourself?
box of chocolates
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
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No I don't think there is an excuse for any of the bad behavior....not when he hasn't looked for any way of getting help. Really I would understand more if he sought recovery and was sober but considering he is still drinking...I find his problems easy to blame on him.
Even if with ptsd or any other issue drinking is only going to make it worse. I have actually told him this...that I don't blame him for having the problems but I can blame him for not addresing them after all drinking alone effects his life and our relationship and if he has any mental health issues or inner demons drinking them away doesn't fix anything just makes it worse. I have severe anxiety....it physically hurts me in normal situations because of it but I don't self medicate. Even though he's his own person I don't understand allowing alcohol to make a bad situation worse.
So no I don't excuse it at all...am just not sure if those mental disorders are diificult to treat along woth the self medicating and if someone has experience with it. Its hard for me to truly grasp mental disorder with alcoholism as I am not an addict.
Even if with ptsd or any other issue drinking is only going to make it worse. I have actually told him this...that I don't blame him for having the problems but I can blame him for not addresing them after all drinking alone effects his life and our relationship and if he has any mental health issues or inner demons drinking them away doesn't fix anything just makes it worse. I have severe anxiety....it physically hurts me in normal situations because of it but I don't self medicate. Even though he's his own person I don't understand allowing alcohol to make a bad situation worse.
So no I don't excuse it at all...am just not sure if those mental disorders are diificult to treat along woth the self medicating and if someone has experience with it. Its hard for me to truly grasp mental disorder with alcoholism as I am not an addict.
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Here this is my experience with Borderline Personality Disorder.
I'm going to apologize in advance for offending anyone with what I'm about to say so please don't flame me.
I don't believe in BPD. I had a bf who had Bi-Polar Disorder and Alcoholism.
He was sober at the time we met but then he relapsed.
"Supposedly" he also had this BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER which he hadn't been officially diagnosed with because of "social stigma".
All I saw with this BPD was it was being used as a "hallpass" to do whatever he wanted and blame it on this BPD.
Unfortunately for me I didn't find out about this BPD until 6 months into our relationship when he did a manipulative suicide attempt because he wasn't happy with something I was saying to him. So when he ended up in the hospital for 2 days from an overdose and then it came out from his family about this BPD I went home and read about it, first time I'd heard about it in my life, and also found out that he regularly tries to kill himself for manipulation purposes I said SEE YA!!!
I found out on Friday that he is in jail, good place for him as far as I'm concerned.
If you guys have no kids together and even if you did and you aren't financially dependent on him what is the point of staying with him. Your life will just be hell if it isn't already if he isn;t willing to get help with ANYTHING.
I'm going to apologize in advance for offending anyone with what I'm about to say so please don't flame me.
I don't believe in BPD. I had a bf who had Bi-Polar Disorder and Alcoholism.
He was sober at the time we met but then he relapsed.
"Supposedly" he also had this BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER which he hadn't been officially diagnosed with because of "social stigma".
All I saw with this BPD was it was being used as a "hallpass" to do whatever he wanted and blame it on this BPD.
Unfortunately for me I didn't find out about this BPD until 6 months into our relationship when he did a manipulative suicide attempt because he wasn't happy with something I was saying to him. So when he ended up in the hospital for 2 days from an overdose and then it came out from his family about this BPD I went home and read about it, first time I'd heard about it in my life, and also found out that he regularly tries to kill himself for manipulation purposes I said SEE YA!!!
I found out on Friday that he is in jail, good place for him as far as I'm concerned.
If you guys have no kids together and even if you did and you aren't financially dependent on him what is the point of staying with him. Your life will just be hell if it isn't already if he isn;t willing to get help with ANYTHING.
Originally Posted by thislonelygirl
And yes I have thought ruuunnnn lol!
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Hi LonelyGirl. I finally figured out how to accept your friend request! Yay, me!! 
My AH is doing the beer-instead-of-liquor routine, too. He's not as far down the road as yours but statistics tell me he'll get there. It's frustrating as h*** watching them feel sorry for themselves as they do nothing to improve the situation and tons to make it worse. I think understanding what is wrong with them can do one of two things - it can help us buy into the self-pity routine and keep going as we are, or it can help us detach with love. It almost doesn't matter WHY they are the way they are, you know what I mean? They just are. I'm by no means good at detaching yet, but I'm headed that direction. And don't guilt yourself - you're doing the best you can.
I guess my list of priorities would be physical safety (are you and Daughter safe from physical harm?), and then mental/emotional safety (are you being verbally abused? is she learning this as a model for how families should work?). Take care of yourself regardless of him so that you can also take care of her. She needs a safe and sane parent, and it looks like you're it. I hope I don't sound like I'm giving orders! I don't know the answers for you, but taking care of yourself and her can't be bad no matter what else goes on.
My AH is doing the beer-instead-of-liquor routine, too. He's not as far down the road as yours but statistics tell me he'll get there. It's frustrating as h*** watching them feel sorry for themselves as they do nothing to improve the situation and tons to make it worse. I think understanding what is wrong with them can do one of two things - it can help us buy into the self-pity routine and keep going as we are, or it can help us detach with love. It almost doesn't matter WHY they are the way they are, you know what I mean? They just are. I'm by no means good at detaching yet, but I'm headed that direction. And don't guilt yourself - you're doing the best you can.
I guess my list of priorities would be physical safety (are you and Daughter safe from physical harm?), and then mental/emotional safety (are you being verbally abused? is she learning this as a model for how families should work?). Take care of yourself regardless of him so that you can also take care of her. She needs a safe and sane parent, and it looks like you're it. I hope I don't sound like I'm giving orders! I don't know the answers for you, but taking care of yourself and her can't be bad no matter what else goes on.
box of chocolates
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
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Originally Posted by Sueski
Hi LonelyGirl. I finally figured out how to accept your friend request! Yay, me!!
My AH is doing the beer-instead-of-liquor routine, too. He's not as far down the road as yours but statistics tell me he'll get there. It's frustrating as h*** watching them feel sorry for themselves as they do nothing to improve the situation and tons to make it worse. I think understanding what is wrong with them can do one of two things - it can help us buy into the self-pity routine and keep going as we are, or it can help us detach with love. It almost doesn't matter WHY they are the way they are, you know what I mean? They just are. I'm by no means good at detaching yet, but I'm headed that direction. And don't guilt yourself - you're doing the best you can.
I guess my list of priorities would be physical safety (are you and Daughter safe from physical harm?), and then mental/emotional safety (are you being verbally abused? is she learning this as a model for how families should work?). Take care of yourself regardless of him so that you can also take care of her. She needs a safe and sane parent, and it looks like you're it. I hope I don't sound like I'm giving orders! I don't know the answers for you, but taking care of yourself and her can't be bad no matter what else goes on.
My AH is doing the beer-instead-of-liquor routine, too. He's not as far down the road as yours but statistics tell me he'll get there. It's frustrating as h*** watching them feel sorry for themselves as they do nothing to improve the situation and tons to make it worse. I think understanding what is wrong with them can do one of two things - it can help us buy into the self-pity routine and keep going as we are, or it can help us detach with love. It almost doesn't matter WHY they are the way they are, you know what I mean? They just are. I'm by no means good at detaching yet, but I'm headed that direction. And don't guilt yourself - you're doing the best you can.
I guess my list of priorities would be physical safety (are you and Daughter safe from physical harm?), and then mental/emotional safety (are you being verbally abused? is she learning this as a model for how families should work?). Take care of yourself regardless of him so that you can also take care of her. She needs a safe and sane parent, and it looks like you're it. I hope I don't sound like I'm giving orders! I don't know the answers for you, but taking care of yourself and her can't be bad no matter what else goes on.
for the longest time too apart of my co dependancy was that i have anxiety which made me feel guilty and that hey im not perfect and i need help so i need to be understanding of him as well. wrong. i have anxiety and its extremely hard for me day to day but i dont go to jail because of it, i dont say crazy irrational and hateful things, i dont disapear hours at a time and im not under the influence of anything where i may cause myself harm.
so im learning to detatch from the situation and my guilt.
and yes alcoholism ALWAYS gets worse...ive learned that the hard way. unless its treated before you know it the man you once loved becomes confused not only about what hes saying, whats going on but what happened the day before. time is off . it starts affecting his job, his relationships and his life all around. my ah has passed out in his car in the parking lot from being drunk, hes fallen asleep with food on himself, hes missed work, stayed up literally all night even the next morning drinking,hes missed obligations including imprtant celebrations, hes embarrassed me (by telling them things i told him about them ) etc and hes been arrested 3 x's in one month but still finds a way to be in denial of what the problem reallllyy is.
The physical/mental stress from him is why i am not with him now for me and my daughter and for him to get help (god helping he does)
I hope your ah gets help now before it progresses to this point and that every major person in his life is on the same page as you. aside from me, my ah's mother is a major influence in his life and aside from giving him 3500$ for a lawyer because of jail shes a complete enabler and when asked to please talk to him about rehab/outpatient she wants to say he just needs aa doesnt want outpatient to affect his job and blame me for his problems. sadly for her like her other son....shell keep enabling until theres no return and then cry she didnt do something. fruuuuussttrrraatted! lol and yay for accepting my friend request
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
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well i talked to him this morning and he said he was sorry (doesnt mean much if isnt getting help but nice to hear) anyhow he said hes waitirng for the clinic to call....ok gooooooddd. but ill believe it when it happens.
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I think his remaining family members will all be on board with the Alanon approach if things get worse. I know I sound like a naive person, but I'm hoping it won't get worse. I totally get what you are saying about trying to understand. But really, if I don't get to feel sorry for myself sometimes before I get on with fixing it, why is it that I'm expected to do so for him regardless of how little he does to fix it? (see? I'm feeling sorry for myself!) This stuff just s**ks.
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