Any advice now that he's in a nursing home?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 13
Any advice now that he's in a nursing home?
Hi,
I went back and read the few posts I made here about a year ago. That helped to see how far I've come.
Background - I was with ABF for 7 years, we were engaged.
He was in the hospital in 02/10 for liver failure - tried AA, but never clicked.
We lost his brother 11/11 - gunshot while drunk (34 years old). (the 3 of us were close and the 2 of them were closer than any 2 people I have ever met). My BF found him just before he passed and was with him.
I ended our relationship about 4 months ago by asking him to move out; and then moving out his stuff. We have remained in contact via phone and some short visits.
Currently - BF called 3 weeks ago and asked me to see him - I went and knew right away he was in liver failure again - we spent the night together watching tv and cuddling - it was very nice and free from stress. He checked himself into the hospital the next day. While there he signed a power of attorney for his Dad. One week ago he was moved to a nursing home. His Mom & Dad just have no coping skills left to deal with taking care of him.
He may recover, however it is unlikely. He is 37. No one will give us a time frame except for one friend I have who was one of his nurses at the hospital - she guessed 6 months.
He has good days (alert, communicative). He has not so good days (spacey, sleeping). He sleeps ALOT now.
I want to spend as much time with him as I can. I want to do what I can to make what time he has left - the best for him. I don't want to go down a slippery slope of co-dependancy, but I don't want regrets.
I currently am visiting him every day on my lunch hour and for about an hour after work. On the weekend, I took our dog with me and spent a few hours each day.
Any advice?
I took a break from Al-Anon about 4 months ago - I started back last week.
I went back and read the few posts I made here about a year ago. That helped to see how far I've come.
Background - I was with ABF for 7 years, we were engaged.
He was in the hospital in 02/10 for liver failure - tried AA, but never clicked.
We lost his brother 11/11 - gunshot while drunk (34 years old). (the 3 of us were close and the 2 of them were closer than any 2 people I have ever met). My BF found him just before he passed and was with him.
I ended our relationship about 4 months ago by asking him to move out; and then moving out his stuff. We have remained in contact via phone and some short visits.
Currently - BF called 3 weeks ago and asked me to see him - I went and knew right away he was in liver failure again - we spent the night together watching tv and cuddling - it was very nice and free from stress. He checked himself into the hospital the next day. While there he signed a power of attorney for his Dad. One week ago he was moved to a nursing home. His Mom & Dad just have no coping skills left to deal with taking care of him.
He may recover, however it is unlikely. He is 37. No one will give us a time frame except for one friend I have who was one of his nurses at the hospital - she guessed 6 months.
He has good days (alert, communicative). He has not so good days (spacey, sleeping). He sleeps ALOT now.
I want to spend as much time with him as I can. I want to do what I can to make what time he has left - the best for him. I don't want to go down a slippery slope of co-dependancy, but I don't want regrets.
I currently am visiting him every day on my lunch hour and for about an hour after work. On the weekend, I took our dog with me and spent a few hours each day.
Any advice?
I took a break from Al-Anon about 4 months ago - I started back last week.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Hi SandySue!
I'm sorry to read you are dealing with the decline of his health. This is hard for all who love him.
It is good on you for getting back into your Alanon meetings. The support network will help you today and in the future.
You asked for advice now that he has reached this stage and this situation. I don't have any personal experience with a young man being admitted to a nursing home.
My only suggestion would be to gently remind you to take care of yourself during this time. It is okay to take care of your personal recovery, your home, your family, your pets and yourself during this time.
I have experience taking care of my mother as her life ended with cancer. I was often reminded by Hospice workers to take time for myself. I think that was good advice.
Wishing you a peaceful journey.
I'm sorry to read you are dealing with the decline of his health. This is hard for all who love him.
It is good on you for getting back into your Alanon meetings. The support network will help you today and in the future.
You asked for advice now that he has reached this stage and this situation. I don't have any personal experience with a young man being admitted to a nursing home.
My only suggestion would be to gently remind you to take care of yourself during this time. It is okay to take care of your personal recovery, your home, your family, your pets and yourself during this time.
I have experience taking care of my mother as her life ended with cancer. I was often reminded by Hospice workers to take time for myself. I think that was good advice.
Wishing you a peaceful journey.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Spend as much time with him as you want - forget about codependency. Do what you want to do for him; there may not be much time left.
My friend died very quickly from liver failure, less than a month from the day she checked herself into the hospital.
My friend died very quickly from liver failure, less than a month from the day she checked herself into the hospital.
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