Birdgurl

He abused his body so bad he died. He died in July and has left me with a mess...a house and car to unload, probate to deal with, his poor mom who is 80 and shouldn't have to bury her son. There are no heirs and no will.
His mom lives two states away so with no relatives.....it's me. It is like a "screw you"from the grave.

As I have been cleaning out, I have come across his emails to many hookers, flings, dating profiles on xxx websites, nasty boy emails to a college president he once dated while we were together, photos of his privates and numerous other lady privates, and word from a coworker that someone in the office was getting ready to file a sexual harassment complaint. I am so angry.

I know he stuck around while I had cancer treatments. So now I feel guilty and angry.

Sigh. Thanks for reading.

CatsPajamas

It's sad that you have to deal with all of that, BG. Have you been able to find a grief support group or some other support? It's a lot of stress to have to do all of the cleaning up and cleaning out along with sorting thru all of your feelings.

Keep on venting here. There are more than you might know who have experience to share. And we're here to listen and lend a shoulder when you need it.

Mizzuno

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. I really am. I hope that you can find some help so that you dont have to go at this alone.

ZiggyB

That really sucks. I remember when I found axbf had been looking at transexual porn on my computer, God knows what else he was doing. I hope you find some peace of mind soon...

GettingBy

I don't have any great wisdom. Just wanted to say that I'd be flipping angry too.

Feel the feelings but don't hold on to them...let them move through and out. The healing will come in time.

Lynnrae2

you have every right to be angry. I was just thinking about that today. I knew of at least 4 other women. I wonder how many I did not know about?

Rosiepetal

The only way out is through - Helen Keller

Hang in there.

MsPINKAcres

I can only imagine how heartbreaking this must be ~
as wise people have share before - please remember none of what you find has anything to do with you ~ it was about him and his demons ~ please don't allow his disease, issues and pain to destroy you with your hurt and anger ~

vent about it, seek counseling, healing and allow yourself to be free as he was never able to do ~

just my thoughts and suggestions ~

you deserve the peace

pink hugs,
Rita

BlueSkies1

Yeah, I know the feeling, although I was still married to him at the time. Well if you're gonna embrace hedonism, why not go all the way with it? YUCK.
Funny thing is, those men are always the worst lovers.

Yeah, he stuck around while you had cancer treatments. He wasn't the devil incarnate, he had a compassionate side. Life is gray, not black or white.
You sure don't have to choose to feel guilty about it though.

fedup3

Birdgurl, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this and after reading your post I feel that not so far down the road I will be writing something very similiar. I too have survived cancer and we will survive this as well. Praying that God gives you peace.

427

So very, very sorry. Loss is hard enough, on top of everything else you've been trough.... My heart goes out to you in a big way. Hope you can find someone to walk with you through this process - don't try to do it alone. Huge hugs to you.

Milly39

So Sorry for your loss and the pain you ae going though

Titanic

Don't worry, be angry.

This too shall pass.

But, for now, be angry, be very angry indeed!

Cyranoak

Alanon, if you aren't already going, can help you with this. Sorry for your pain, happy for your gain, and hopeful for your future.

Cyranoak

NYCDoglvr

I'm so sorry you're left to deal with these painful experiences. Remember, he was a very sick person. I suggest being angry at the disease of alcoholism instead.

keepingmyjoy1

I am so sorry for all you are going through. Hugs.