witharealwinner

Hello everyone. I've been visiting this site off and on since I was able to get my abf out of the house via a PFA (restraining order) in June. Since he left, life is wonderful, and my kids and I don't miss him in the least.

He has not seen the twins since July (no big surprise, he's still not working or paying child support, and his car broke down, so he has no money to get his car fixed) which is nice only in the sense that I don't have to worry about the babies when they are with him.

However, since we have 2 year old twins together, he is allowed telephone contact with them and I have to be in touch with him because of that.

Last night, he called me at 1250am, again 9 mins later, then 2 mins after that, and 1 min after that. He made 4 calls that I did not answer, but I was def. thrown into a panic b/c of this. I know he was drinking and probably wanted to start something with me. I called the shelter this morning for advice and the lady I spoke with told me that while he did violate the pfa it would be hard to prove it was him b/c he left no message (he could say it was one of his friends that called and not him). The police told me I could talk to the court and try and file an "indirect criminal contempt."

SO, my question is, the next time he does this, SHOULD I answer it so that I know it's him and can actually do something about it? I figure this would be a good place to ask since I'm sure someone here has dealt with something like this before.

Also, since I'm sure he will prob call later to "talk to the babies" and he brings up his phone calls (he's done this before but not as many calls) and "apologizes" what would be the best way for me to handle that?

I'm wondering if he wanted to start something with me since we have our child support hearing coming up on Tues.

Any advice from more experienced people is greatly appreciated.

dollydo

"I'm wondering if he wanted to start something with me since we have our child support hearing coming up on Tues."

I'd say that is exactly what is going on. If he talks to you he has a chance to manipulate you. And, no, I would not answer, the way an addicts mind works he will eventually leave a
nasty or threatening message. They cannot stand not being heard and unable to control another. Keep any all messages that are pertinent to your custody and the childrens well-being.

You are doing the right thing, keep your resolve.

witharealwinner

Yep, I made a mistake during our custody hearing by letting him have the opportunity to speak with the babies on the phone. Every single time he calls them he tries to engage me in something. One time he started getting his attitude with me, telling me I need to do this or that with the babies. I don't think he wanted to chance to talk to them so much as he sees it as an opportunity to try and control me.

I was just wondering if it would do any good to "catch" him calling me. Hopefully he WILL slip up and leave a message or something.

Not that I think it will matter, b/c he doesn't seem to think any court order applies to him.

Titanic

If the court order says he is allowed phone contact with them, and he calls at a time they are or would be awake, you ought answer the first call or risk being in trouble.

witharealwinner

Titanic, I do answer it, or if I happen to miss, I call him back asap. It even says as much in the court order.

I spoke with my attorney this am, she told me that the best thing I could do would be to not answer, and see if he ever slips up and leaves a message.

Haven't heard from him since he made those calls at 1am.

NYCDoglvr

Alcoholics go to great lengths to hang on to enablers. I suggest remembering the awful things you went through while with him. Ask yourself if you want to go back there again......... Remember, denial is always perched on our shoulders, both codependents and alcoholics.

witharealwinner

I know FOR CERTAIN that I don't want to go back to that drunken loser again. The child support hearing was today. NOTHING came of it (again) because now he is trying to get social security disability.

When I mentioned about possibly taking a reduced child support amount for a short period of time in order to buy him out of the home we co-own, he said that he needs me to pay him so he can "get back on his feet and do the right thing and help me out." He has no job, has not looked since June, so no car, cannot get said car fixed because he has no money. But yet he needs me to go and get a loan which will take more money away from the kids, since he is doing nothing to support them, and give him MORE money so he can get back on his feet. More like so he can drink it all.

Pathetic. I am so glad he is gone it is not even funny. So now I have to wait even longer to see what happens with this "disability" he is trying for.