The hallmark of mature love is reciprocity, in which two people have as much regard for eachother as they do for themselves. The Narcissist, in contrast, does not love in any mature, reciprocal, or nurturant sense of the word. It is all about Me. In narcissistic love, one person's Self is submerged in the service of propping up another's fragile ego. Rather than the self-transcendence of two, there is only the self-inflation of one.

Reciprocity is about give and take. Narcissists may think of themselves as givers, but they only give what they want. This is selfish giving, without recognition of what others want or need. It's really more a convoluted form of taking, self-deluded and self-inflating. If someone consistently experiences another's longing as a demand or an imposition, and responds with annoyance, distancing, or contempt, there is no reciprocity. Conversely, those who are unsure of their own worth and uncomfortable with asking or taking make their own complementary contribution to lopsided narcissistic love. Reciprocity requires self-esteem on both sides of the equation.