constant

OK, so things for me are good. I seem to be doing pretty well with my recovery, I don't flip my wig or loose it very often. I go about my own business and have even discussed al-anon with my husband and why I need it. I EVEN understand now that it has nothing to do with me and I have discussed it with him.

BUT: how do you teater the line of detached caring? I keep finding myself wanting to fall into the "let me take care of it" mode!!!! Granted EVERYONE in this house does MUCH more for themselves than they ever have....BUT I find myself taking responsibilities back......

I am not sure how to put it....it is hard to describe!

WHERE IS THE REASONABLE CARING LINE AND THE CROSSING OVER INTO CODIE LAND??????

Sure wish this light bulb would go off......is anyone, or has anyone struggled with this?

Constant

Gabe

I don't know where that line is. If you find it, would you let me know? Recently, my boy went to spend the weekend with his Dad. It was supposed to snow, and I packed the most Codie bag you have ever seen. They could have lived for a week off of the food and been entertained equally as long by the games and movies. It flat out never occurred to me to let Spicoli take care of whatever they would need for a snowy weekend. Or maybe it did, and I knew that he would forget most of what they needed.
Peace,
Gabe

constant

Gabe......LOL sounds like me!!! AT least I know I am not the only one that is having trouble with it......that does make me feel better!!


Thanks.....Constant

Magichappens

Does anyone get perfect? I haven't found anybody, and I can't claim a victory. I figure it's a journey. If I want to do something for someone, and it's not hurting them, I do it. If I don't want to do something, and I'm doing it, I might need to stop and ask "Why". If I'm doing something for someone and it's hurting them, I might need to take a look at my motive. Usually I'm tying to get a need met in an unhealthy way when that happens. I just try to keep it simple. Don't be too hard on myself. Us Georgia girls were raised to be crazy ya'll! XXOO, Magic

constant

That is great advice!!! I will try it.....and darn it!!! I guess I will always find myself seeking profection!!! WHEN WILL I EVER LEARN!!:bojo:

Yeah....sometimes that southern hospitality translates into hi, I am a door mat.....use me!! LOL

Constant

Scotty C

A Zen Saying- By stumbling the world is perfected.~ Sri Aurobindo

Hope this helps..........

osier59

Heres what a wise old Al Anoner taught me:

If you do something for someone that he can do for himself, you are actually HURTING and not helping. Once I let go of my sons and my A, and let them do things for themselves, life got better. Heck my kids even started making their own lunches for school! That way they knew they had something they liked and would eat (or something good to TRADE for something better)

I have learned to take care of me and let them make their own mistakes. They learn a lesson quicker and better if they do the whole thing on their own. (at least it works with teenage boys )

Hugs
O59

kwelling5737

Constant...

look inside yourself and ask why you do the things you do..

if you do them out of love....that's a wonderful and healthy thing...

there's a fine line between love and enabling for us Codies though....
for us...at least in my humble opinion...it's hard to differentiated between the two...
I think that first we have to examine our definition of love and then be able to draw that fine line between that and enabling...

tough call....

something we all struggle with....

BUT, with time....the answers will come...

I pray that they come with ease for you,

Kim