Wife has checked into Rehab
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 1
Wife has checked into Rehab
Well after two years of me riding a roller coaster of emotions and suspecting hidden alcohol drinking my wife found the end of the road. Literally Rolled her vehicle in the middle of the day. Guess what we found in the car BEER. We have had some resent attempts at tring to get her the help she needs locally with counseling and doc,s. she went 27 days and fell off the wagon it obviously has not worked. We have decided to pay for a private clinic with a mandatory 6week enrollment. Away from all the distractions at home and her ability to manipulate us. As much as she wanted to do it on her own this VERY near death experience has hopefully got her to recognize she needs help. We are all hoping for the best. I have a lot of feelings of guilt for allowing her to drive that day knowing she could stop and buy booze at any time. And now not being the one to take her to rehab. Once i knew she was ok i left the hospital and she was released two hours later, her mom took her home to her house and then to rehab the next day. Two days in. I miss her dearly. And can't stop thinking of her.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Ringer)) - Welcome to SR, though I'm sorry for what has brought you here. First of all, I'm glad no one was seriously injured when she wrecked. As far as the guilt? Let it go. When an A (alcoholic/addict) is determined, it's practically impossible to stop them unless you tie them to a chair or something. This is something SHE did, not you.
She got to rehab - it's not your responsibility to get her there. You have feelings, too, and it's going to be hard, but you need to focus on what YOU want, how YOU feel, and work through that. This is a great place with a lot of ES&H (experience, strength and hope) from people who have walked in your shoes. If you read around other posts, you will find you are not alone.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
She got to rehab - it's not your responsibility to get her there. You have feelings, too, and it's going to be hard, but you need to focus on what YOU want, how YOU feel, and work through that. This is a great place with a lot of ES&H (experience, strength and hope) from people who have walked in your shoes. If you read around other posts, you will find you are not alone.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Dear Ringer, it is perfectly understandable that you miss her. We miss anyone that we are invested in and spend our daily life with.
Gosh, I miss my animals when I am gone from home for the night! LOL. The first few days are the worst. Staying very busy is your best bet. Distraction.
Maybe now you will be able to turn your thoughts to what you will need to do for your own support. She will be going through changes after rehab---especially the first year.
The best thing for you would be to seek out alanon for yourself.
Keep posting here. We understand and you will not be alone.
dandylion
Gosh, I miss my animals when I am gone from home for the night! LOL. The first few days are the worst. Staying very busy is your best bet. Distraction.
Maybe now you will be able to turn your thoughts to what you will need to do for your own support. She will be going through changes after rehab---especially the first year.
The best thing for you would be to seek out alanon for yourself.
Keep posting here. We understand and you will not be alone.
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
Im so sorry to hear this.
Alcoholism hit me pretty hard in the gut and the heart too!
Keep on reading, educate yourself on alcoholism and keep on posting
on here. It helps!!! - If you can find a Alanon class close to you
I would suggest you make it to every meeting that you can.
You can google Alanon online and find classes near you.
My x did rehab 2 times, - 1st time 28 days, 2nd time 90 days,
along with a million AA classes. - Until he was ready to stop drinking
No one could stop him
Thank Goodness, I learned that I did not cause it nor did I open up
the bottle and throw it down his thoart. He is an adult. It was his choice
not mine.
Rehab is just a step, it's not a cure - So buckle up! - Find a Alanon
class - You will need it. Dont mean to sound harsh or bossy, it's just
I wish someone would of really pushed me to go, when I was early
on in the game. It is a program for YOU!!!! - So you can get better
in your head and heart. I know, living with an active alcoholic, it
made me think alot of weird, sad, confused, dark, upset, mad feelings!
I knew, I needed help - I wouldnt change it for the world.
Best free class, I have ever been too in my life
My heart goes out to you!
Alcoholism hit me pretty hard in the gut and the heart too!
Keep on reading, educate yourself on alcoholism and keep on posting
on here. It helps!!! - If you can find a Alanon class close to you
I would suggest you make it to every meeting that you can.
You can google Alanon online and find classes near you.
My x did rehab 2 times, - 1st time 28 days, 2nd time 90 days,
along with a million AA classes. - Until he was ready to stop drinking
No one could stop him
Thank Goodness, I learned that I did not cause it nor did I open up
the bottle and throw it down his thoart. He is an adult. It was his choice
not mine.
Rehab is just a step, it's not a cure - So buckle up! - Find a Alanon
class - You will need it. Dont mean to sound harsh or bossy, it's just
I wish someone would of really pushed me to go, when I was early
on in the game. It is a program for YOU!!!! - So you can get better
in your head and heart. I know, living with an active alcoholic, it
made me think alot of weird, sad, confused, dark, upset, mad feelings!
I knew, I needed help - I wouldnt change it for the world.
Best free class, I have ever been too in my life
My heart goes out to you!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: rural Germany
Posts: 311
Hi Ringer, and welcome!
My husband is also in rehab right now, and I agree that it can be a little lonely at times. But it is also an excellent opportunity to rest and recover from all the craziness and start taking inventory of myself. While he's off working on his problems, this is a chance for me to work on mine.
My husband also ended up in hospital after parking his car in the middle of our street, passing out and blocking traffic. It wasn't an accident like your partner's, but neighbours called the paramedics and I wasn't around. I knew that he'd been drinking but chose to go away and take the dogs for a walk. It was his choice to drive rather than taking a taxi or even walking the 1.5 miles to the pub. I feel no guilt at all since he's a grown man. Only he can decide what he sticks in his mouth and swallows. If I did have any control then he'd be drinking a lot of tea.
I also didn't drive my husband to rehab. I made him drive himself while I just sat in the passenger seat. This way he won't be able to say that I dragged him there.
I know it it tough at first, but after a while with some rest you will hopefully start feeling a bit better. Knowing that my husband is in rehab and not out somewhere drinking has made it a lot easier for me to sleep nights. And during the days I am starting to put my own life (and house) back in order.
My husband is also in rehab right now, and I agree that it can be a little lonely at times. But it is also an excellent opportunity to rest and recover from all the craziness and start taking inventory of myself. While he's off working on his problems, this is a chance for me to work on mine.
My husband also ended up in hospital after parking his car in the middle of our street, passing out and blocking traffic. It wasn't an accident like your partner's, but neighbours called the paramedics and I wasn't around. I knew that he'd been drinking but chose to go away and take the dogs for a walk. It was his choice to drive rather than taking a taxi or even walking the 1.5 miles to the pub. I feel no guilt at all since he's a grown man. Only he can decide what he sticks in his mouth and swallows. If I did have any control then he'd be drinking a lot of tea.
I also didn't drive my husband to rehab. I made him drive himself while I just sat in the passenger seat. This way he won't be able to say that I dragged him there.
I know it it tough at first, but after a while with some rest you will hopefully start feeling a bit better. Knowing that my husband is in rehab and not out somewhere drinking has made it a lot easier for me to sleep nights. And during the days I am starting to put my own life (and house) back in order.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Real World
Posts: 729
Wow that is great news, seriously. She is safe right now and getting help and you have time to kinda pull yourself together.
I just started Al-anon after my wife had her first lapse (1 drink) after 8 months of sobriety. It terrified both of us.
This may or may not help you. As I have been figuring out boundaries and how to coexist with alcoholism I started to seperate alcoholism from my wife. I hate alcoholism and I adore my wife. I smiled when you wrote that you miss her already. Of course you do, you should, she is your wife and adoring her is normal and good.
The reason I had to seperate the two is that when alcoholism takes control of my wife I can't ...or more appropriately, I have decided not to, deal with it. My boundary is that if alcoholism returns and takes control then it will be rehab or ...something until my wife returns. I need that boundary because absent that, I will be resentful and angry. I need to be able to welcome my wife home and let her know that I love her and missed her if she ever has another bout with drinking, I don't need to have a new list of ways that her drinking made my life miserable and scary and impossible....
Work on you. Go to al-anon, talk to us. It is helping me immensely already and again... I think it is awesome that you have 6 weeks where you can sleep at night knowing she is safe, working on you and loving and missing her so that when she gets home she comes home to a happy, healthier, loving husband who can't wait to hold her and let her know how much he loves his wife and hates the disease that attacks you both.
So with all that extra time and nervous energy, what can you get done in 6 weeks?
I just started Al-anon after my wife had her first lapse (1 drink) after 8 months of sobriety. It terrified both of us.
This may or may not help you. As I have been figuring out boundaries and how to coexist with alcoholism I started to seperate alcoholism from my wife. I hate alcoholism and I adore my wife. I smiled when you wrote that you miss her already. Of course you do, you should, she is your wife and adoring her is normal and good.
The reason I had to seperate the two is that when alcoholism takes control of my wife I can't ...or more appropriately, I have decided not to, deal with it. My boundary is that if alcoholism returns and takes control then it will be rehab or ...something until my wife returns. I need that boundary because absent that, I will be resentful and angry. I need to be able to welcome my wife home and let her know that I love her and missed her if she ever has another bout with drinking, I don't need to have a new list of ways that her drinking made my life miserable and scary and impossible....
Work on you. Go to al-anon, talk to us. It is helping me immensely already and again... I think it is awesome that you have 6 weeks where you can sleep at night knowing she is safe, working on you and loving and missing her so that when she gets home she comes home to a happy, healthier, loving husband who can't wait to hold her and let her know how much he loves his wife and hates the disease that attacks you both.
So with all that extra time and nervous energy, what can you get done in 6 weeks?
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