Keeping my space with my AExB
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 78
Originally Posted by dandylion 
mv6348, I so clearly remember the break-up with someone that I was very much in love with. To say that I was crushed is an understatement. The grief would come in waves and I would feel physically ill. Still, I had a very responsible job and had to "pull myself together" to function at work, as I was the support of my three children. I knew that I couldn't afford to let the grief totally consume me. I had played the album "PURPLE RAIN". by Prince, while crying in my room, that the kids took the tape and hid it behind the couch!
The thing that helped me the most when the "Waves" of longing came was this: I made a list of the most hurtful interactions that had happened in the relationship and put them on a 3 X 5 card that I carried on my person at all times. Reading the list would completely change my mental state---usually within 30 seconds. I honestly feel that that list saved my life. The irony? Now, so many, many years later, I cannot really recall what I thought was so great about him! But, then, I have grown soo much since then and I am much more self aware.
You might want to give it a try---nothing to lose, right?
Time is your friend. It will get easier. Time and focusing on yourself.
dandylion
The thing that helped me the most when the "Waves" of longing came was this: I made a list of the most hurtful interactions that had happened in the relationship and put them on a 3 X 5 card that I carried on my person at all times. Reading the list would completely change my mental state---usually within 30 seconds. I honestly feel that that list saved my life. The irony? Now, so many, many years later, I cannot really recall what I thought was so great about him! But, then, I have grown soo much since then and I am much more self aware.
You might want to give it a try---nothing to lose, right?
Time is your friend. It will get easier. Time and focusing on yourself.
dandylion
I will try it! Thanks!
One thing that has help me is just write emails that I never send.
This work as a source of venting. Whenever I am down, I just re read them.
:/
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 237
Originally Posted by mv6348
Yeah. In my case he is a functional alcoholic so he has a great job, he is a great man, we rarely fought , and it was more of alcohol being his escape. However he is in alcoholic and I just have to accept it. Ugh!
I'm having a low night tonight but I know it's been better so I think maybe it yoyos back and forth - bit like two steps forward, six back...
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 78
Originally Posted by Anon12
I'm having a low night tonight but I know it's been better so I think maybe it yoyos back and forth - bit like two steps forward, six back...
Usually my weekends are the hardest. During the week I am busy with work.
One thing I found is to always look forward to something and that way my mind stays busy.
I know they say time heals, but I dislike how is passing by so slow. I mean it is all relative.
Hang it there!
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Henderson, NV
Posts: 35
I am really grateful to read eveyones posts.....I am a recovering codependent and just 16 days of NC with my XRAH / BF..(haha went back after the divorce).
I didn't have the denial, but I swing back and forth between the depression and the anger.
He moved to CA, so not much chance of seeing him thank goodness. And I blocked him from my phone, so no contact there.
But the urge to look him up on FB and get into his email (he hasn;t changed that password) is HUGE!!
I have fanasties in my head that he'll get better, pop up one day and all will be right with the world. Then I have to say out loud.....what is wrong with him and how sick he is IN DETAIL, then my thinking corrects itself, usually.
I'm in Al-Anon, Coda and I have Melody Beatty's books on Co-dependency as well. These all help.
I know he is sick, but I miss him still. I am really grateful to the part of me that keeps those boundaries intact. I think reading about and understanding that co-dependents have big issues with boundaries is what is helping me keep them.
Good luck to you!! Hang in there!!!
I didn't have the denial, but I swing back and forth between the depression and the anger.
He moved to CA, so not much chance of seeing him thank goodness. And I blocked him from my phone, so no contact there.
But the urge to look him up on FB and get into his email (he hasn;t changed that password) is HUGE!!
I have fanasties in my head that he'll get better, pop up one day and all will be right with the world. Then I have to say out loud.....what is wrong with him and how sick he is IN DETAIL, then my thinking corrects itself, usually.
I'm in Al-Anon, Coda and I have Melody Beatty's books on Co-dependency as well. These all help.
I know he is sick, but I miss him still. I am really grateful to the part of me that keeps those boundaries intact. I think reading about and understanding that co-dependents have big issues with boundaries is what is helping me keep them.
Good luck to you!! Hang in there!!!
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 32
Originally Posted by mv6348
...he is angry at me because I told his mom the truth and she confronted him. Of course, he is attacking the attacker because he got "caught". I know he will eventually come to his senses. He always does that, but still he is an alcoholic and he will continue to be in that cycle of relapses. (
How are you now?
Originally Posted by aliveforme
I have fanasties in my head that he'll get better, pop up one day and all will be right with the world.
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