"Dysfunctional People" This is really helping me today!
To thine own self be true.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Originally Posted by Thumper 
Can't walk away from myself though 
I have my own set of dysfunctional patterns even if I'm not reacting to, or interacting with, another person.
I can't change the past but I can change today, and *for me* that takes more then walking away from someone else or some day my kids will be on this forum venting about their crazy mama and how the dysfunction endlessly trickles down hill through the generations.
I have my own set of dysfunctional patterns even if I'm not reacting to, or interacting with, another person.
I can't change the past but I can change today, and *for me* that takes more then walking away from someone else or some day my kids will be on this forum venting about their crazy mama and how the dysfunction endlessly trickles down hill through the generations.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 266
Originally Posted by Learn2Live
I totally agree. When I first started going to Al-Anon many years ago, I was convinced that it's principles should be part of high school curriculum!
To thine own self be true.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Originally Posted by shawty80
i'd go so far as to say they need to be pushed down to the elementary level. my fifth graders were wise beyond their years when it came to drugs and alcohol...and not in a good way.
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
you're not crazy L2L - and I bet you've no idea, but your no nonsense approach to life has often and words on here have helped me hugely over the years. so I'm saying this with love:
Have you lifted this from the codependent manifesto? ;-P
wouldn't the fact that I feel responsible to "fix" a situation that is a result of another person's (repetitive) choices, more an indicator that I need to get my self into a head-lock, wrestle my attention back to my side of the street, look at minding-my-own-business and focussing on sorting out my own life?
this may or not chime with you, but I used to have a "core" belief that when a relationship disintegrated it had to be someone's fault, and therefore if it wasn't the other person's fault it was mine, and if it was my fault, that meant I was "wrong"/"broken" somehow, so I would spend time trying to convince myself that "they" were broken and to blame to prove to myself that I wasn't.
clearly bonkers.
I've written before thta I have many of the traits of an ACOA without the FOO alcoholism, but "para-alcoholic" - i dunno, are there any parents that aren't in "some way" a little dysfunctional?
Have you lifted this from the codependent manifesto? ;-P
Signs that Indicate You are Dealing with Dysfunctional People
.......
*You feel responsible to “fix” a situation that is a result of another person’s (repetitive) choices.
.......
*You feel responsible to “fix” a situation that is a result of another person’s (repetitive) choices.
this may or not chime with you, but I used to have a "core" belief that when a relationship disintegrated it had to be someone's fault, and therefore if it wasn't the other person's fault it was mine, and if it was my fault, that meant I was "wrong"/"broken" somehow, so I would spend time trying to convince myself that "they" were broken and to blame to prove to myself that I wasn't.
clearly bonkers.
I've written before thta I have many of the traits of an ACOA without the FOO alcoholism, but "para-alcoholic" - i dunno, are there any parents that aren't in "some way" a little dysfunctional?
It says even if your parents are not alcoholics but were in some other way dysfunctional, children can still be affected and learn the same survival mechanisms as children of alcoholics. They refer to us as "para-alcoholics."
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 145
Regarding teaching children about addiction . . . I remember seeing a photo of a diseased lung in elementary or junior high school. I also remember seeing the drivers education video with gory accident pictures. But I don't remember one single teacher ever telling me it's not acceptable for adults to drive me somewhere in the car while drunk. Or, if there is abuse or addiction in my home that's harming me in any way, I should tell a responsible adult about it. It just was never brought to light in any manner.
To thine own self be true.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Originally Posted by JenT1968
you're not crazy L2L - and I bet you've no idea, but your no nonsense approach to life has often and words on here have helped me hugely over the years. so I'm saying this with love:
Have you lifted this from the codependent manifesto? ;-P
wouldn't the fact that I feel responsible to "fix" a situation that is a result of another person's (repetitive) choices, more an indicator that I need to get my self into a head-lock, wrestle my attention back to my side of the street, look at minding-my-own-business and focussing on sorting out my own life?
this may or not chime with you, but I used to have a "core" belief that when a relationship disintegrated it had to be someone's fault, and therefore if it wasn't the other person's fault it was mine, and if it was my fault, that meant I was "wrong"/"broken" somehow, so I would spend time trying to convince myself that "they" were broken and to blame to prove to myself that I wasn't.
clearly bonkers.
I've written before thta I have many of the traits of an ACOA without the FOO alcoholism, but "para-alcoholic" - i dunno, are there any parents that aren't in "some way" a little dysfunctional?
Have you lifted this from the codependent manifesto? ;-P
wouldn't the fact that I feel responsible to "fix" a situation that is a result of another person's (repetitive) choices, more an indicator that I need to get my self into a head-lock, wrestle my attention back to my side of the street, look at minding-my-own-business and focussing on sorting out my own life?
this may or not chime with you, but I used to have a "core" belief that when a relationship disintegrated it had to be someone's fault, and therefore if it wasn't the other person's fault it was mine, and if it was my fault, that meant I was "wrong"/"broken" somehow, so I would spend time trying to convince myself that "they" were broken and to blame to prove to myself that I wasn't.
clearly bonkers.
I've written before thta I have many of the traits of an ACOA without the FOO alcoholism, but "para-alcoholic" - i dunno, are there any parents that aren't in "some way" a little dysfunctional?
The reason all this "dysfunctional people" stuff is helping me right now is not so that I have someone to blame for anything. But because I had NO IDEA that AXBF would do what he has done. I did not see who he really was, I was focused on who he was in the beginning of the relationship. Even his family has told me, "You do not KNOW him, you are only just starting to see who he really is." I had no clue. Because I was always focused on how dysfunctional his AXW was.
In all actuality, I do not believe in the concept of fault. I do not believe it even exists. I believe it is a psychological construct and that in the natural world, it just isn't. But thank you for pointing those things out JenT. I am going to Al-Anon and working my program, looking at myself and my FOO, and really going to work the steps this time. I have got to learn how to keep from doing this yet again.
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