Marriage counselling meltdown.
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 137
Marriage counselling meltdown.
I hope this isn't going to be rambling, but had a bad day today.
We had another marriage counselling session this morning- and it didn't go too well. I was probably expecting too much from my RAH of 4 months from his point if view! We have been getting along quite well as long as I do not ask him any emotional questions- in fact as long as we only discuss the wet and windy weather we are having here this summer.
However his pink cloud has been gradually evaporating- and he has been getting more and more depressed. So I asked him to be honest with me about how he is feeling - I didn't think this was too much to ask after 23 years of living with his drinking.
He couldn't cope, broke down and finally admitted that he has been feeling totally worthless and self loathing underneath his pretense of my recovery is a piece of cake attitude. He has cried and totally withdrawn to bed since. So now I am feeling guilty,and in pain to see his hurt.
However, thanks to Al Anon - despite my pain I know that he will have to deal with this himself- I had been having trouble totally accepting the third step- but now I get it- I have to turn over his pain to his higher power- and await whatever outcome occurs. He spoke of having to leave us- that he could no longer live his life as it is- and as much as I love him, this time I will not beg him to stay. It is breaking my heart but my head is saying enough, stop trying to fix him- allow him the dignity to do that himself.
I hope I keep that resolve- I am so tired of being the strong one and the one fighting for our marriage.
We had another marriage counselling session this morning- and it didn't go too well. I was probably expecting too much from my RAH of 4 months from his point if view! We have been getting along quite well as long as I do not ask him any emotional questions- in fact as long as we only discuss the wet and windy weather we are having here this summer.
However his pink cloud has been gradually evaporating- and he has been getting more and more depressed. So I asked him to be honest with me about how he is feeling - I didn't think this was too much to ask after 23 years of living with his drinking.
He couldn't cope, broke down and finally admitted that he has been feeling totally worthless and self loathing underneath his pretense of my recovery is a piece of cake attitude. He has cried and totally withdrawn to bed since. So now I am feeling guilty,and in pain to see his hurt.
However, thanks to Al Anon - despite my pain I know that he will have to deal with this himself- I had been having trouble totally accepting the third step- but now I get it- I have to turn over his pain to his higher power- and await whatever outcome occurs. He spoke of having to leave us- that he could no longer live his life as it is- and as much as I love him, this time I will not beg him to stay. It is breaking my heart but my head is saying enough, stop trying to fix him- allow him the dignity to do that himself.
I hope I keep that resolve- I am so tired of being the strong one and the one fighting for our marriage.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: SAN FRANCISCO
Posts: 1,176
I'm so sorry.... do you think he would consider talking to a DR. and getting on an anti-depressant?
A lot of people drink in order to cover up their real feelings, I guess he has nowhere to hide from then now?
A lot of people drink in order to cover up their real feelings, I guess he has nowhere to hide from then now?
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