rdlesstraveled

thank god I am going to an ACOA/Al Anon meeting tonight.

Right now I feel as if I am walking on a tightrope.

My boyfriend is a recovering alcoholic and has been sober 41 days (bless his heart). He is active in his program and sees a therapist and talks to me.

I am a codependent and I go to ACOA/Alanon meetings. Needless to say...... the two of us will either get well together (yet separately) and will move forward together, or we will totally fall apart.

We are both walking on this tightrope. He called me last night and I did not answer (I was feeling really depressed and went to bed early, hence I missed his call). He thought that I was walking away from him and was distraught about it. We spoke this morning and I told him that I was not walking away..... and that just as I have faith in him (that he won't drink), he has to have faith in me (that I won't walk away) ( *sidenote* I have severed the relationship before when he was drinking) I have my own fears that I am battling (one of which is that he will leave me). Later on in the day (after that phone call) I sent him a text which said: you and I are dancing this slow waltz. We are holding hands and dancing, yet break apart for small increments at a time (to heal ourselves) and then dance back together. He really liked that.

Maybe we are both codependents (we are both adult children of alcoholics)??? All I know is that by God we are trying to make this work and trying to get well and I pray that this is possible.

We both have fears that one will abandon the other. I pray that we will not drown each other.

Thanks for reading

rdlesstraveled

*Sidenote* We are both trying so hard....... and it is difficult. So many old wounds are being opened for the both of us. Can two lost and pained souls help heal each other? We hope so. I know that others would say that in all probability it won't work out and that I am being a typical adult child with fantasies....... but I can't help it. The both of us can only take it a day at a time....... and there is love and an effort being made by both parties. Please pray for us.

LaTeeDa

I recommend "Getting the Love You Want" by Harville Hendrix. It is a guide for healing in the context of a relationship. I believe, if both parties are willing to do the work, it can be done.

Best to you,
L

LaTeeDa

Oh, and BTW, I should probably mention that this book is not specifically about addiction and codependence. It's about healing childhood wounds in the context of a romantic relationship. I recommended it because you mentioned both of you are ACOA, and it helped me tremendously with my ACOA issues.

L