wicked

And now, my signature really takes the cake.

I was in treatment mode. I rescued, used my skill to get him to see how his wife was treating him and the kids (especially the kids) as pawns on a chessboard. He was deeply depressed and mentioned suicide, I told him I would call the cops. He dropped that, but made me his best friend and we talked all the time. I am aware of it now, but it was some powerful mojo being the only person he could trust.
All that stuff about homesteading and living a simple life was just talk. He can't do it. He cannot even stop talking to his ex-wife. I hope I keep my head out of my ass when he calls or emails.
HP, help me take the high road please.
Thank you all,
Beth

Bluebonnet1

I just keep hoping it will make us that much smarter next time. I'm blessed to have a good career, so I keep picking the fools that don't have their act together because I can afford everything. It's like I'm willing to lower my standards and accept the burden because I'm so obsessed with that "dream life". Nevermind that you smoke pot all day and play video games instead of acting (xh), or drink and become a jerk, all while trying to build your own business (xabf). As you long as you love me unconditionally, I'll sacrifice everything. NOT ANYMORE!

Xabf is insisting he can still achieve that dream life. Just hope he knows that I'm pursuing mine in the meantime!!

Thumper

I'm determined - no more dreams, wishes, or promises. I will live right here in today. No more talks of tomorrows and plans for futures.

TakingCharge999

Aww ..

Well we have to live here (on Earth) more... you can still go to Paris or wherever you wish, and create plans for yourself..

HUGS

mmk11

The phrase I havent been able to get out of my head for months: "sometimes love isn't enough." I completely identify with your message and really thankful that you shared. Knowledge is a far better mental state than oblivion, as painfully numbing as it is for me right now. I could still be beating my head against the wall out of frustration that my relationship is less and less what I want, but fighting for it all the same. Now, at least I am aware that I'm dealing with an insidious disease that causes erratic behavior that indeed has nothing to do "with me."

wicked

Oh you bet TC.
I can do it myself. It's funny, we are both eligible for a VA loan (home loan guaranteed by the US government-good stuff here) and he said we should use mine.
Of course it would be mine. If we share, he would have to break out his own loan and get into debt with me.
No, dont want to get into debt with me. Just let me do it all baby. I will do it all.
Then will you love me? Then will you stay? LOL.
It is better with just me on the loan, because it will be me who decides who stays and who goes. Yep. I have training to keep all interceptors out.

Beth

mattmathews

When men plan, the Gods laugh.--Yiddish proverb

Shadydeal

Thank you everyone for taking the time to share! It helps me to see I am not alone in the disappointment and rejection. I know this but reading helps me. It's tough to let go even tougher when you really believed the BS and tried so hard. But there does come a time to let go of that person so we are free to find a health relationship. Sure is tough! Feel pretty disappointed but I know surely this too shall pass! Probable help when I stop kicking myself. Finally the tears don't fall....amen

Tuffgirl

"Pipe dream" is a good term for it. I have called this phenomenon my "living between hope and a fantasy" time period. I too believed the words and overlooked the lack of action until I couldn't overlook it anymore. It was a painful wake up call to realize the things I was promised, the things I believed in, were not reality.

Oh well...lesson learned...albeit a painful one. Now I know to gauge a person not by their words, but by the actions that follow those words. Makes relationships much more simple.

Summerpeach

The only times I had hopes and dreams was with my ex of 11 yrs. We were working hard towards our business and saving to build a home etc.....but he was not an addict, but very much not a "doer" for many things.
I was pretty naive then (in my 20's)

With the 3 men I was with after him, well they were all working good jobs, had responsibility, but they did only what they had to, so never once did I place any of my hopes and dreams into them. I would catch myself doing it, but then stop myself and think "if this guy drives around all year with winter tires, can't clean out his trunk, can't do his income taxes for the last 5 yrs and is an addict, why would he have the will to plan a life".
Probably why I never lived with any of these men.

It was me, I stayed, I knew I would never have anything I ever dreamt of with these men, but I think at that point, I let my dreams go believing I could never have them and some days, still do.
I'm ok with where I am today and what I have.....still want my dreams, but if I want them that bad, I will stop being with people who are not capable of even changing their bed sheets once every 3 months ;-)

Great thread, thanks for sharing.