Extremely Confused
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: md
Posts: 208
Extremely Confused
My ABF seems to somehow always get me to do what he wats or I get left at home for a couple days. He will contact me and say he will be home in a little while which means the next day. I feel like I am standing here waiting főr crumbs.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Hi,
Join the club. Except most times I wasn't even invited. He would just disappear. Would do what he wanted to do, then when he surfaced again (maybe a week or two later) would tell me that I would not have wanted to do that anyway. I never even knew what it was that I wouldn't have wanted to do. I was married for over 27 yrs., and yes, they have to have their way.
You don't have to take the crumbs, you can have the whole cake.
Something,I learned after I left him.
Join the club. Except most times I wasn't even invited. He would just disappear. Would do what he wanted to do, then when he surfaced again (maybe a week or two later) would tell me that I would not have wanted to do that anyway. I never even knew what it was that I wouldn't have wanted to do. I was married for over 27 yrs., and yes, they have to have their way.
You don't have to take the crumbs, you can have the whole cake.
Something,I learned after I left him.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Does not sound like a satisfying or fulfilling relationship to me. There's so much more to life than crumbs. There's so much more to life than sitting around waiting for someone to come home.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: md
Posts: 208
Am I being unreasonable because I didn't want his brother here at 5 am in our bedroom way hing movies? Now he is leaving to go out with his brother to see a band. I wasn't in invited. I feel crushed.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
No, doesn't sound unreasonable to me. Do you have girlfriends you can do things with? Family? Any particular people you like to be around other than him? How about Al-Anon, there should be plenty of meetings at 8:30. All you have to do is look them up, grab your stuff, and go. There will be lots of people there. How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 266
this used to frustrate the snot out of me. xabf would come home and tell me that he declined an invitation to an event because he knew that i "wouldn't want to go." i told him countless times that i would like respect enough to make my own decisions, and that i wanted him to at least give me the benefit of the doubt. more often than not, this resulted in an argument and hurt feelings on my part. and, in any future arguments that we had, he always liked to point out that i either wouldn't let him do things with his friends or didn't like to hang out with him and his friends. so crazy! and SO untrue!
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Yeah, I am accused of never doing anything fun. But I could never DO anything fun because whenever he wanted to do fun things, I prefered to stay home while he went out so I could have some peace and quiet in my own home and take care of the things I needed to take care of. It was crazy.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I saw the title of your post and was reminded of something LaTeeDa once posted about confusion. (I keep it on my desk):
"Confusion is mostly the result of magical thinking.
Reality is not very confusing at all."
Could your confusion be the result of thinking that you should be treated with respect and as an equal partner from your boyfriend ( which is normal, sane thinking in a healthy relationship)?
Yet your reality is a relationship with someone who is not healthy, normal or sane?
"Confusion is mostly the result of magical thinking.
Reality is not very confusing at all."
Could your confusion be the result of thinking that you should be treated with respect and as an equal partner from your boyfriend ( which is normal, sane thinking in a healthy relationship)?
Yet your reality is a relationship with someone who is not healthy, normal or sane?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
And he will continue to do this, as long as you ALLOW it.
Why do you think his actions are ok?
His selfish childish behavior, is his. He sounds like a spoiled brat, add alcohol and now you have a spoiled, drunken, controlling brat.
How long are you going to continue to let him dump all over you? His actions say, he is not mature enough to be in any type of relationship. He has no respect for you, his actions are truly your answer.
I sincerely wish you well........
Why do you think his actions are ok?
His selfish childish behavior, is his. He sounds like a spoiled brat, add alcohol and now you have a spoiled, drunken, controlling brat.
How long are you going to continue to let him dump all over you? His actions say, he is not mature enough to be in any type of relationship. He has no respect for you, his actions are truly your answer.
I sincerely wish you well........
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
There's nothing I can do to change him. That's just who he is. I just need to focus on my own stuff.
What are you getting out of this? Nothing it sounds like. Doesn't even sound like a good roommate situation.
So, how about starting with some Alanon and/or counseling and see where that leads YOU? This is about YOU now! not him.
Of course you are confused. That too will get better as you work on YOU.
Please keep posting, to let us know how you are doing as we do care. You know you can vent, rant, rave, scream, cry, and yes even laugh. We are walking with you in spirit.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 170
Originally Posted by sparklingeyes 
My ABF seems to somehow always get me to do what he wats or I get left at home for a couple days. He will contact me and say he will be home in a little while which means the next day. I feel like I am standing here waiting főr crumbs.
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