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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 14
New to this
My wife drinks a bottle of wine a day, sometimes more but always everyday. This has increased over the last year or so, she had a gastric bypass 4 years ago, abstaining initially but increasing to this daily level. She started getting angry at night when drinking, and I wouldn't join in or encourage her drinking. Because of this she has left, and wanting a divorce no one can see why!
She has left and has dropped all her old friends and has new young ones all 10 years younger and she is going out a lot more often. All old friends dropped.
I attend al anon and am detaching since she left 6 months ago, but am worried how this will progress. To everyone else, she is doing well, looks good and is performing well or should that be functioning.
Any advice greatly received.
Thanks
She has left and has dropped all her old friends and has new young ones all 10 years younger and she is going out a lot more often. All old friends dropped.
I attend al anon and am detaching since she left 6 months ago, but am worried how this will progress. To everyone else, she is doing well, looks good and is performing well or should that be functioning.
Any advice greatly received.
Thanks
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Sussex, England
Posts: 945
Hi Left. Welcome 
I don't know... sometimes you have to find your own bottom to get back up again. Thats what I did... you are doing the best thing by detaching I think. Maybe she will see sense, maybe she won't.
She may just be having a mid-life crisis or re-living her youth due to her weight loss.
Keep yourself happy... thats your priority. Take care x
I don't know... sometimes you have to find your own bottom to get back up again. Thats what I did... you are doing the best thing by detaching I think. Maybe she will see sense, maybe she won't.
She may just be having a mid-life crisis or re-living her youth due to her weight loss.
Keep yourself happy... thats your priority. Take care x
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Salt Lake City
Posts: 2
I am in the process of writing a book on this phenomenon. It was recently supported by yet another study by Dr. Wendy King which documented that it isn't all bariatric surgeries that increase alcoholism... but rather this alarming increase in alcoholism is only happening in the patients that had a particular procedure that bypasses the duodenum and upper jejunum (the Roux-en-Y procedure). I will hazard a guess that is the procedure your wife had? What I am writing about is that this surgery, because of the extreme malabsorptive component that was poorly understood by surgeons, is causing behavioral changes from long-term nutrient depletion. If you read about people's behavioral changes from vitamin depletion such as pellagra, beri beri, pica/pernicious anemia, hypomagnesemia, etc., it isn't a stretch to consider that by surgically altering the body's ability to absorb specific nutrients it would affect behavior. They have actually coined a term, "bariatric beri-beri" now.
It isn't only alcohol that is a problem - it is also substance abuse (particularly meth in teens where this surgery is on the rise), depression and suicide. There are also medical issues such as peripheral neuropathy that are on the rise.
But it is a complex behavioral situation. There are a multitude of things going on. The person loses a tremendous amount of weight rapidly, starts feeling good about themselfs and is getting lots of positive feedback from others - often feeling a sense of euphoria (that first 6-10 months is typically referred to as the "honeymoon period"). But around that time is when any nutrient reserves have probably been depleted and they are literally 'running on fumes' if you consider a gas tank analogy. This happens so very slowly it is likely they don't even realize what is happening. But symptoms of being deficient in some of these nutrients include restlessness, insomnia, aggression, agitation, belligerence, cravings for strange food....These are just some.
Now add in, that with each passing month... alcoholic beverages are actually more potent to your wife. She gets drunker faster... stays drunk longer... and takes longer to sober back up. At 3 months it's bad...at 6 months it worse.
That's the bad news. It's likely your wife will not be in her right mind to be able to make the right decision. For now, she is getting emotional support that reinforces her behavior from these "friends". But what will likely happen, is that she will be become less stable and these "new" friends will not stand by her as she deteriorates. She will probably begin to feel worse...still not know why and begin to drink more at night.
She probably feels great now, but if you or she would like copies of some of the research I've found.... or some recommendations to replenish those lost nutrients, feel free to email me.
Al Anon is a great recommendation.... at this point, there is little you can do.
It isn't only alcohol that is a problem - it is also substance abuse (particularly meth in teens where this surgery is on the rise), depression and suicide. There are also medical issues such as peripheral neuropathy that are on the rise.
But it is a complex behavioral situation. There are a multitude of things going on. The person loses a tremendous amount of weight rapidly, starts feeling good about themselfs and is getting lots of positive feedback from others - often feeling a sense of euphoria (that first 6-10 months is typically referred to as the "honeymoon period"). But around that time is when any nutrient reserves have probably been depleted and they are literally 'running on fumes' if you consider a gas tank analogy. This happens so very slowly it is likely they don't even realize what is happening. But symptoms of being deficient in some of these nutrients include restlessness, insomnia, aggression, agitation, belligerence, cravings for strange food....These are just some.
Now add in, that with each passing month... alcoholic beverages are actually more potent to your wife. She gets drunker faster... stays drunk longer... and takes longer to sober back up. At 3 months it's bad...at 6 months it worse.
That's the bad news. It's likely your wife will not be in her right mind to be able to make the right decision. For now, she is getting emotional support that reinforces her behavior from these "friends". But what will likely happen, is that she will be become less stable and these "new" friends will not stand by her as she deteriorates. She will probably begin to feel worse...still not know why and begin to drink more at night.
She probably feels great now, but if you or she would like copies of some of the research I've found.... or some recommendations to replenish those lost nutrients, feel free to email me.
Al Anon is a great recommendation.... at this point, there is little you can do.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 152
Hi Left and welcome,
You are going to find a lot of support here and there are a few of us guys as well. My wife is a bottle plus a day as well. She hasnt had the medical issues your wife has had, but that doesnt matter. What it all boils down to is choices. Your wife is choosing to drink period. Drinking a bottle a day doesnt happen over night and as others will say this alcoholism is progressive and left unchecked will continue to spiral down. Over the past five years I have watched my wife be an occasional glass of wine with dinner, to last night and most nights now being passed out at 8:30 after a bottle or two. One thing you need to realize are the three C's
1. You didnt cause it.
2. You control it
3. You cant Cure it.
which once again boils down to her making the choice. good luck. Keep reading on this site, it has been a life saver to me.
grizz
You are going to find a lot of support here and there are a few of us guys as well. My wife is a bottle plus a day as well. She hasnt had the medical issues your wife has had, but that doesnt matter. What it all boils down to is choices. Your wife is choosing to drink period. Drinking a bottle a day doesnt happen over night and as others will say this alcoholism is progressive and left unchecked will continue to spiral down. Over the past five years I have watched my wife be an occasional glass of wine with dinner, to last night and most nights now being passed out at 8:30 after a bottle or two. One thing you need to realize are the three C's
1. You didnt cause it.
2. You control it
3. You cant Cure it.
which once again boils down to her making the choice. good luck. Keep reading on this site, it has been a life saver to me.
grizz
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 14
Thanks for responding, getting stronger each day which is good and reading what people write on here which keeps me sane on a daily basis.
Hi GatorGirl thanks for explanation, and you are correct on the procedure which was my suspicion. No one else thinks she has a problem and so I have to let it take it's course which is very difficult.
Difficult know what to say, still taking all of it in.
Hi GatorGirl thanks for explanation, and you are correct on the procedure which was my suspicion. No one else thinks she has a problem and so I have to let it take it's course which is very difficult.
Difficult know what to say, still taking all of it in.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 152
I didnt get the three C's right on my first post. I am sure that you could read through my mistake, but it is important enough to me to make sure that I get it right for you. The first time I saw this it made all the difference to me. You see I am a fixer. I have for years tried to fix my wife. Treading softly...walking around on egg shells. After awhile I realized I am becoming someone who I dont recognize any more. So here it is again
1. I DIDN'T cause it
2. I CAN'T control it
3. I CAN'T Cure it
And....we cant fix them
1. I DIDN'T cause it
2. I CAN'T control it
3. I CAN'T Cure it
And....we cant fix them
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
I know how it feels when you are the only one who thinks there is a problem so my heart goes out to you. What has been helping me has been to post about what I have seen and am going through here on SR. We all need our realities validated by others, especially when we are dealing w alcoholism and addiction. Keep working on you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 14
I hadn't thought about a midlife crisis but it does look that way, buying loads of clothes and technology week after week after week. Then bragging to friends and colleagues.
I'm having a great day feeling on top of the wall, and you know what I like it.
Love and blessing to all
I'm having a great day feeling on top of the wall, and you know what I like it.
Love and blessing to all
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