Is it codependent to respond to posts?
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 145
Is it codependent to respond to posts?
This forum is a miracle in my life. For the first time ever, I'm gaining a little bit of understanding of the world of alcoholism and addiction. I have read hundreds if not thousands of posts without commenting. Only fairly recently have I started responding to posts made by other members. Now this is bothering me: is it codependent to respond to posts? It's very helpful to ME to share what little bit I do know with others. I'm finally achieving a small measure of peace. But, how do I know that what I say is helpful, and isn't just me being codependent? The suffering on this forum is almost too much to bear. If each of us helps one other person, it's worthwhile, right?
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 253
Originally Posted by LuvMySis 
If each of us helps one other person, it's worthwhile, right?
moment...
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
You know what I find? That I often have an urge to tell people what to do.
That's often not helpful -- unless it's something tangible and helpful, like "Maybe you could check out the new Al-Anon family group that has started doing lunch meetings downtown?"
I know the responses that told me what to do, when I first came here, made me feel the same way my first counselor did: I told him "I didn't come here to exchange ONE man's controlling behavior and telling me what to do for ANOTHER man's doing the same thing." I felt when people told me to leave, they were trying to control me. (In reality, they were giving solid advice based on their own experiences, but it took me time to realize that.)
What always helps me is other people's stories about how they handled things.
That's often not helpful -- unless it's something tangible and helpful, like "Maybe you could check out the new Al-Anon family group that has started doing lunch meetings downtown?"
I know the responses that told me what to do, when I first came here, made me feel the same way my first counselor did: I told him "I didn't come here to exchange ONE man's controlling behavior and telling me what to do for ANOTHER man's doing the same thing." I felt when people told me to leave, they were trying to control me. (In reality, they were giving solid advice based on their own experiences, but it took me time to realize that.)
What always helps me is other people's stories about how they handled things.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 91
If my emotional status is dependent on my advice being respected, acted on, and successful in achieving the desired result, then yes.
If my emotional status is internally and independently motivated and not regulated by the emotional status of the poster whose message I'm responding to or their (or other posters) reaction to my advice, then no it is not codependent.
Is there a gray area? Certainly.
If my emotional status is internally and independently motivated and not regulated by the emotional status of the poster whose message I'm responding to or their (or other posters) reaction to my advice, then no it is not codependent.
Is there a gray area? Certainly.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
how do I know that what I say is helpful, and isn't just me being codependent?
I don't know if your posting is just you being codependent or not. Is your sharing enabling someone else to continue in their own sick thinking and behaving? Are you dependent on me being dependent on you? Or do you just like to have your voice heard? Or post in the hopes that someone will benefit? I do know that I have at times become overwhelmed by the sheer number of newcomers who post on SR with the same exact stories, and the same exact pain and suffering. But I know we all NEED to talk about this stuff and share what we've been through, what has worked for us and what has not, and what we have learned.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: North West, England
Posts: 500
I post in the hope that my ES&H can help someone else. I go to meetings and share in the hope that my experience can help save someone else from hitting the horrendous rock bottom I had to. But I also post because talking helps me, sharing in meetings helps me, being heard and having my feelings validated helps me. My sponsor shares her ES&H with me and quite often knowing that she GETS me is enough. Knowing I'm not crazy or insane and im actually pretty normal.. That's all good. I hope I can do that for others too once in a while.
I try my best to avoid telling people what to do; in cases concerning domestic violence and/or children I find it very hard.
I try my best to avoid telling people what to do; in cases concerning domestic violence and/or children I find it very hard.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Originally Posted by fourmaggie
I hate the disease...it SUXs
Just saw my best friend who is an alcoholic. God bless her soul she is in a bad place. But I love her anyway.
I agree with everyone else - posting and sharing your ES&H is one thing. Sharing stories, resources, perspectives, etc. is not codependent. Telling others what to do and then getting invested in your position is.
I want so badly to FIX MY FRIEND so she can be my friend again. That's codependency.
:codiepolice
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 61
Hopefully your response will help others, but it is also to help yourself. Human beings are social animals and we have the need to be heard and validated. This forum is a wonderful, invaluable source. Please keep posting- everything you type does not need to be pearls of wisdom.
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