new friend and family.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 2
new friend and family.
I am a child of an alcoholic father who was abusive verbally and at time physically. He stood by as I told him his friend was molesting me, and did noting - he did not want to loose his drinking buddy. He still sufferes from alcolholism.
My most recent adventure is leaving my boyfrien of 5 years with whom I have a 3 year old daughter. He has always had a liking to alcohol he had recieved 2 DWIs and quit drinking for a year. He claimed to have learned how to handle this. He started drinking again after a year at first casually. As of more recent he has been drinking nearly every weekend to the point of not knowing where he is. Everytime we are to go out I always end up cutting my night short to take care of him cause he can hardly pronounce his name. He has always had this picking on me attitude which intensifies when he is drinking.
The last incident was me leaving to go 3 hours out of town. He was to drop our daughter off at grandmas and he was just going to plan a party with his buddies for an upcoming bachelor party. He told the grandparents that he would be picking her up at the lastest by 1130am. He never came. I called him at noon on my way after starting my 3 hour drive. He had been sleeping.
I was informed that he walked out of his friends house - never to be found that night when his two friends went looking for him. He informed me that he wandered and got lost in the 5 block walk from his buddies house to our house - and ended up sleeping on a porch of a complete stranger. Weve had many conversations on his drinking and he always says he thinks he is going to quit. However, there is always an excuse- a friends wedding, birthday, etc. I have loved this man since the minute I saw him. I gave him a week to decide if he wants to get his life together while keeping me and his daughter in his life. I know I made the right decision, but its breaking my heart for my daughter. I swore I would never raise my children in an enviorment like this. Where do I go from here?
My most recent adventure is leaving my boyfrien of 5 years with whom I have a 3 year old daughter. He has always had a liking to alcohol he had recieved 2 DWIs and quit drinking for a year. He claimed to have learned how to handle this. He started drinking again after a year at first casually. As of more recent he has been drinking nearly every weekend to the point of not knowing where he is. Everytime we are to go out I always end up cutting my night short to take care of him cause he can hardly pronounce his name. He has always had this picking on me attitude which intensifies when he is drinking.
The last incident was me leaving to go 3 hours out of town. He was to drop our daughter off at grandmas and he was just going to plan a party with his buddies for an upcoming bachelor party. He told the grandparents that he would be picking her up at the lastest by 1130am. He never came. I called him at noon on my way after starting my 3 hour drive. He had been sleeping.
I was informed that he walked out of his friends house - never to be found that night when his two friends went looking for him. He informed me that he wandered and got lost in the 5 block walk from his buddies house to our house - and ended up sleeping on a porch of a complete stranger. Weve had many conversations on his drinking and he always says he thinks he is going to quit. However, there is always an excuse- a friends wedding, birthday, etc. I have loved this man since the minute I saw him. I gave him a week to decide if he wants to get his life together while keeping me and his daughter in his life. I know I made the right decision, but its breaking my heart for my daughter. I swore I would never raise my children in an enviorment like this. Where do I go from here?
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Welcome to SR, mncopeing. I am sorry for your situation that brought you here, but glad you found us. Be sure to read the stickies at the top of our forum home page - lots of great information there.
The best advice I received early on was to follow through with my word, regardless of what he did. If you gave him a week to decide, then at the end of the week - do what you said you would do. If you said you'd leave, then go find another place to stay for a while.
You can't make him stop drinking, I know you know that. But you can set boundaries for what you can and can't live with. Leaving him in charge of your child is dangerous, that would be a great boundary to start with.
What do you feel like you can do if this week passes and he is still drinking and choosing not to seek any kind of recovery?
The best advice I received early on was to follow through with my word, regardless of what he did. If you gave him a week to decide, then at the end of the week - do what you said you would do. If you said you'd leave, then go find another place to stay for a while.
You can't make him stop drinking, I know you know that. But you can set boundaries for what you can and can't live with. Leaving him in charge of your child is dangerous, that would be a great boundary to start with.
What do you feel like you can do if this week passes and he is still drinking and choosing not to seek any kind of recovery?
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