he's batsh!t crazy
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Thank you Pinkdog. I'm working on detaching. Gotta get some sleep, as being too something, tired, angry or something else means I'm not on top of my game. You konw, that STOP thingy?
don't get too
Stoned
Tired
Ostentatious and
Pissed off?
I dunno, something like that...
don't get too
Stoned
Tired
Ostentatious and
Pissed off?
I dunno, something like that...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Originally Posted by sparklingeyes 
To be honest with you, it seems like you leave all the presures of decision making on his shoulders. And, he wants to be physically, emotionally, and spiritually close to you but you would rather be in control. Either you truly love him or you need to let him go.
What a pretty name.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
Originally Posted by transformyself
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
Please read this before posting about me keeping my kids safe..
Please read this before posting about me keeping my kids safe..
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: NSW, Australia
Posts: 197
Quote:
Originally Posted by sparklingeyes
To be honest with you, it seems like you leave all the presures of decision making on his shoulders. And, he wants to be physically, emotionally, and spiritually close to you but you would rather be in control. Either you truly love him or you need to let him go.
I gotta say I'm sure my head did that thing they do in the cartoons when I read that. You know, that double/tripple take head movement with sound effect???
Thank goodness LaTeeDa was on to him so fast
Originally Posted by sparklingeyes
To be honest with you, it seems like you leave all the presures of decision making on his shoulders. And, he wants to be physically, emotionally, and spiritually close to you but you would rather be in control. Either you truly love him or you need to let him go.
I gotta say I'm sure my head did that thing they do in the cartoons when I read that. You know, that double/tripple take head movement with sound effect???
Thank goodness LaTeeDa was on to him so fast
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
Originally Posted by transformyself
llillamy I LOVE this
Someone else said on one of my threads that Quack is Crack for Codies, which I also love.
Someone else said on one of my threads that Quack is Crack for Codies, which I also love.
I changed his ringtone to a quacking duck, went nc and assume everything he says is worthless...it is as dangerous as a nasty drug that ensnares and traps.
Been happily split up for 5 months now! Lifted nc for a few days so some business matters could be discussed... what a disaster.
It was a quack attack... and I immediately went nc.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
Sex was a big hook for me for a long time, but the need to be close on his end, then the switch back began to eclipse my need to be close.
I started to realize becoming intimate with him in this way was like me going on a bender or something, and I felt like I was using with an addict somehow.
That sounds so strange, but, it was true. The hangover of being with someone so willing to go through those motions then switch back to mean behavior, disrespectful behavior started to really do a number on me.
It is not a pull for me anymore, THANK GOD! because that was one of the last things I was hooking into.
I started to realize becoming intimate with him in this way was like me going on a bender or something, and I felt like I was using with an addict somehow.
That sounds so strange, but, it was true. The hangover of being with someone so willing to go through those motions then switch back to mean behavior, disrespectful behavior started to really do a number on me.
It is not a pull for me anymore, THANK GOD! because that was one of the last things I was hooking into.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: md
Posts: 208
Originally Posted by Helenlee
Quote:
Originally Posted by sparklingeyes
To be honest with you, it seems like you leave all the presures of decision making on his shoulders. And, he wants to be physically, emotionally, and spiritually close to you but you would rather be in control. Either you truly love him or you need to let him go.
I gotta say I'm sure my head did that thing they do in the cartoons when I read that. You know, that double/tripple take head movement with sound effect???
Thank goodness LaTeeDa was on to him so fast
Originally Posted by sparklingeyes
To be honest with you, it seems like you leave all the presures of decision making on his shoulders. And, he wants to be physically, emotionally, and spiritually close to you but you would rather be in control. Either you truly love him or you need to let him go.
I gotta say I'm sure my head did that thing they do in the cartoons when I read that. You know, that double/tripple take head movement with sound effect???
Thank goodness LaTeeDa was on to him so fast
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Katie, it's awright Honey. It's easy to get triggered with this stuff, and that's why I posted the reminder. In the past, I've just fought with folks who are triggered about my and my kids safety, and it always always ends ugly.
It's much easier to let the mods do it, in this case use the sticky. A good reminder for everyone, including myself :ghug3
I got up today, and immediately left for work. He's home until 3 with the kids. Big big boundaries.
Hope, I'm glad you ID'd yourself. Now I can properly credit you
Yes! This!
I'm still physically attracted to him at times, but there's an immediate stop to it, like when you try to start the car and the starter suddenly stops. It's unmistakable and a real gift. Hopefully I can end the cycle now, because it's INSANE, truly. The closeness followed by his rage and resentment towards me. Not fun anymore people. Not what I want in my life.
And Sparklyeyes, I'm not exactly convinced your my husband either. My initial thought is that you're brand new and have no idea what's going on here and have no reference for recovery.
Not sure what you're looking for here at SR but this is a magnificent, SAFE place for all.
Please take some time to read the stickies posted at the top, especially the one I posted in this thread about how to post. Your post to me is way off Girl, we don't talk to each other here like this, accusing and blaming. We help each other in recovery. If that's not what you're looking for, you may want to reconsider your participation here.
Here, I'll help:
It’s time to post - again - the right way to be a participating member of SR.
DO's and DON'Ts
Do: Remember how you felt when you first got here. Don't tell other people what they should be doing. Instead, share what YOU did or didn't do and how that worked for you.
Do: Remember that you had to learn your own life lessons in your own time. Don't belittle or degrade or shame someone else. Many people here are already living in a toxic or abusive situation. They hear it enough at home. They don't need to hear it here as well
Do: Post your questions & thoughts. Don't go back and pull up the last 20 posts that another person wrote just to point out to her again what she's doing wrong.
Do: Share from your own experience, strength and hope. Don't take everything personally. If a comment or situation triggers you, think about it. Walk away if you have to. Report the post to the moderators if you must. If we are all sharing from our own experiences and NOT sniping at one another, there won't be so much conflict here.
Do: Share what has helped YOU in your own recovery. Don't presume to know what someone else is thinking or put words in someone else's mouth. Give each person a chance to express themselves freely. Many of us work out our thoughts and plans while we are speaking
Do: Be encouraging and supportive. Don't be mean or insulting ...Do I really have to explain this one?
Do: Be Patient. Don’t put your recovery timetable onto someone else. Each of us does this in our own time, at our own pace.
Do: Express your concern, if necessary, in a kind and gentle manner. Don't repeat yourself over and over again. It doesn't work. It isn't effective with your A's, and it's not effective here. Learn to say what you need to say and say it once, maybe twice. If you say it more than that you're trying to manipulate and control the outcome.
Do: Remember this is a big place with a lot of diverse personalities. As they say in the closing of most Al Anon meetings: Take what you liked and leave the rest. And, take a break, take a walk, take whatever time you need away if you’re tempted to blast or flame someone else for what they wrote. If you’re sharing from your own ESH and not sniping, there won’t be so many conflicts.
Do: Remember to be gentle with yourself and others
DO remember to laugh. It's OK to have a sense of humor. It's ok to laugh at some of the absurd things going on in your life. Laughing can take away some of the power the situation has over you, and certainly can relieve some of the pain. Don't let the unpleasant circumstances rob you of your joy, or of your ability to laugh.
Do remember that a large majority of people on this forum are currently in physical danger from their addicted / alcoholic partner, even though they don't share that on the forum. Do remember that these people need to feel safe and welcomed -first and foremost- and only after you have earned their trust for many months will they be receptive to suggestions and gentle direction. Don't assume that just because you benefited from tough love that others will also benefit.
We are going to be more proactive in making sure this is a safe and welcoming place for all. We mods will do our part. Thank you for doing your part.
Respectfully,
Cats
Forum Mod
It's much easier to let the mods do it, in this case use the sticky. A good reminder for everyone, including myself :ghug3
I got up today, and immediately left for work. He's home until 3 with the kids. Big big boundaries.
Hope, I'm glad you ID'd yourself. Now I can properly credit you
That sounds so strange, but, it was true. The hangover of being with someone so willing to go through those motions then switch back to mean behavior, disrespectful behavior started to really do a number on me.
It is not a pull for me anymore, THANK GOD! because that was one of the last things I was hooking into.
It is not a pull for me anymore, THANK GOD! because that was one of the last things I was hooking into.
I'm still physically attracted to him at times, but there's an immediate stop to it, like when you try to start the car and the starter suddenly stops. It's unmistakable and a real gift. Hopefully I can end the cycle now, because it's INSANE, truly. The closeness followed by his rage and resentment towards me. Not fun anymore people. Not what I want in my life.
And Sparklyeyes, I'm not exactly convinced your my husband either. My initial thought is that you're brand new and have no idea what's going on here and have no reference for recovery.
Not sure what you're looking for here at SR but this is a magnificent, SAFE place for all.
Please take some time to read the stickies posted at the top, especially the one I posted in this thread about how to post. Your post to me is way off Girl, we don't talk to each other here like this, accusing and blaming. We help each other in recovery. If that's not what you're looking for, you may want to reconsider your participation here.
Here, I'll help:
It’s time to post - again - the right way to be a participating member of SR.
DO's and DON'Ts
Do: Remember how you felt when you first got here. Don't tell other people what they should be doing. Instead, share what YOU did or didn't do and how that worked for you.
Do: Remember that you had to learn your own life lessons in your own time. Don't belittle or degrade or shame someone else. Many people here are already living in a toxic or abusive situation. They hear it enough at home. They don't need to hear it here as well
Do: Post your questions & thoughts. Don't go back and pull up the last 20 posts that another person wrote just to point out to her again what she's doing wrong.
Do: Share from your own experience, strength and hope. Don't take everything personally. If a comment or situation triggers you, think about it. Walk away if you have to. Report the post to the moderators if you must. If we are all sharing from our own experiences and NOT sniping at one another, there won't be so much conflict here.
Do: Share what has helped YOU in your own recovery. Don't presume to know what someone else is thinking or put words in someone else's mouth. Give each person a chance to express themselves freely. Many of us work out our thoughts and plans while we are speaking
Do: Be encouraging and supportive. Don't be mean or insulting ...Do I really have to explain this one?
Do: Be Patient. Don’t put your recovery timetable onto someone else. Each of us does this in our own time, at our own pace.
Do: Express your concern, if necessary, in a kind and gentle manner. Don't repeat yourself over and over again. It doesn't work. It isn't effective with your A's, and it's not effective here. Learn to say what you need to say and say it once, maybe twice. If you say it more than that you're trying to manipulate and control the outcome.
Do: Remember this is a big place with a lot of diverse personalities. As they say in the closing of most Al Anon meetings: Take what you liked and leave the rest. And, take a break, take a walk, take whatever time you need away if you’re tempted to blast or flame someone else for what they wrote. If you’re sharing from your own ESH and not sniping, there won’t be so many conflicts.
Do: Remember to be gentle with yourself and others
DO remember to laugh. It's OK to have a sense of humor. It's ok to laugh at some of the absurd things going on in your life. Laughing can take away some of the power the situation has over you, and certainly can relieve some of the pain. Don't let the unpleasant circumstances rob you of your joy, or of your ability to laugh.
Do remember that a large majority of people on this forum are currently in physical danger from their addicted / alcoholic partner, even though they don't share that on the forum. Do remember that these people need to feel safe and welcomed -first and foremost- and only after you have earned their trust for many months will they be receptive to suggestions and gentle direction. Don't assume that just because you benefited from tough love that others will also benefit.
We are going to be more proactive in making sure this is a safe and welcoming place for all. We mods will do our part. Thank you for doing your part.
Respectfully,
Cats
Forum Mod
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
In no way did I mean harm. I just tell the truth from my own experience, 7 years of alanon
My experience in al-anon is that I don't take other peoples inventory. Not my job, besides it's bad for me to think I can asses anyone else, unless I use it to create a personal boundary, and even then I don't directly accuse strangers in the way that you did. It was, honestly, aggressive and out of context. that's why we're eyeballing you as if you're my AH. You sound like one.
I'd love to hear your story too by the way. Then we can get to know you a little better after this false start..
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 283
Originally Posted by sparklingeyes
To be honest with you, it seems like you leave all the presures of decision making on his shoulders. And, he wants to be physically, emotionally, and spiritually close to you but you would rather be in control. Either you truly love him or you need to let him go.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Somethings up, that's for sure. He's frantically texting me, emailing me. He's got all of his resentments boiling over and seems genuinely insane. I don't understand it, but am working to keep the kids safe.
Either way, I am glad that you are committed to calling the police if this gets worse or even stays the same. I know what an affect this can have on your PTSD.
(((((Transform)))))
You have come a very long way since you first joined almost 3 years ago. Your growth and change is fantastic!!!
If it becomes too hard to handle and you need to get out before the lease expires, you know you can contact your closest DV center because verbal, emotional, and mental harangues are ALSO ABUSE. It does not have to be physical abuse to avail yourself and your children of their services.
We are walking with you.
Love and hugs,
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
No you're right Laurie and he has been on his phone a lot. Thing is, I don't care. At least not right now. Thank you for the great reminder that I"m doing well too. Heck I'm doing much better than I did just a few months ago. Detachment is a miracle, really.
Good God, that sounds great to me right about now. Maybe he would run off with her again. That could be a very good solution to my problems.
Four years ago, when my AH went out and found an affair partner and moved in with her 8 blocks away shredded my heart, ability to function, tortured me. Today I think it's a pretty good solution..wow.
Good God, that sounds great to me right about now. Maybe he would run off with her again. That could be a very good solution to my problems.
Four years ago, when my AH went out and found an affair partner and moved in with her 8 blocks away shredded my heart, ability to function, tortured me. Today I think it's a pretty good solution..wow.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: md
Posts: 208
Due to my recovery, I was looking at the situation in a whole new light. I'm very upfront with my friends because I would appreciate the same honesty...golden rule. I guess Yeats of recovery gave me thicker skin.
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Due to my recovery, I was looking at the situation in a whole new light. I'm very upfront with my friends because I would appreciate the same honesty...golden rule. I guess Yeats of recovery gave me thicker skin.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by laurie6781
Correct me if I am wrong, but would he not do this when he had a new love interest, in the past? He would continue to escalate so that it was ALL your fault and gave him justification to go be with the new enabler? I may have you confused with another but I thought your AH did that.
L
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Originally Posted by sparklingeyes
Due to my recovery, I was looking at the situation in a whole new light. I'm very upfront with my friends because I would appreciate the same honesty...golden rule. I guess Yeats of recovery gave me thicker skin.
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