Need Some Alanon-ers Help, Please!
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Join Date: May 2008
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personally speaking, I believe that I do not have to tolerate abusive toxic people. I end relationships with people like those. My Mother is controlling and abusive and as a middle aged adult, I chose to stop all contact with her. I'm happier and a much better person for having made that choice. No one sucks the life force out of me. However, I have always successfully financially provided for myself.
To add: When you held these high profile positions in the past, did your parents still financially support you?
Also, in answer to one of your questions "How would God want us to act?" I believe God wants us to take care of ourselves. Isn't it said "God helps those who help themselves". That isn't from the Big Book. The BB was never my bible.
And one more thing, religion and the preaching of such is not what this forum is about. Just seems to me that your posts are becoming more and more about God and your perceived notion of what you think God wants.
To add: When you held these high profile positions in the past, did your parents still financially support you?
Also, in answer to one of your questions "How would God want us to act?" I believe God wants us to take care of ourselves. Isn't it said "God helps those who help themselves". That isn't from the Big Book. The BB was never my bible.
And one more thing, religion and the preaching of such is not what this forum is about. Just seems to me that your posts are becoming more and more about God and your perceived notion of what you think God wants.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Stockton CA - USA
Posts: 88
Originally Posted by gerryP 
No one sucks the life force out of me.
That's a key factor in my issue.
To add: When you held these high profile positions in the past, did your parents still financially support you?
No. I always supported myself. But I was drinking to cover up the truth and when that got too troublesome I put that down. That is when I began to feel exhausted and had to stop working. I can't even explain what it is like to drag onesself around beyond the help of coffee for years on end.
Also, in answer to one of your questions "How would God want us to act?" I believe God wants us to take care of ourselves. Isn't it said "God helps those who help themselves". That isn't from the Big Book. The BB was never my bible.
The BB and the Bible are 2 separate books, but the principles in the BB are based on the old and new testament. And yes - it's about taking care of myself but also following principles like love, patience and tolerance. Tolerance is the one I see people having the most trouble with today.
And one more thing, religion and the preaching of such is not what this forum is about. Just seems to me that your posts are becoming more and more about God and your perceived notion of what you think God wants.
That's a key factor in my issue.
To add: When you held these high profile positions in the past, did your parents still financially support you?
No. I always supported myself. But I was drinking to cover up the truth and when that got too troublesome I put that down. That is when I began to feel exhausted and had to stop working. I can't even explain what it is like to drag onesself around beyond the help of coffee for years on end.
Also, in answer to one of your questions "How would God want us to act?" I believe God wants us to take care of ourselves. Isn't it said "God helps those who help themselves". That isn't from the Big Book. The BB was never my bible.
The BB and the Bible are 2 separate books, but the principles in the BB are based on the old and new testament. And yes - it's about taking care of myself but also following principles like love, patience and tolerance. Tolerance is the one I see people having the most trouble with today.
And one more thing, religion and the preaching of such is not what this forum is about. Just seems to me that your posts are becoming more and more about God and your perceived notion of what you think God wants.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Stockton CA - USA
Posts: 88
Originally Posted by anvilhead
hold up a sec...you just got here to SR, you claim that at 46 to be fully supported by your parents for the past 7 years, you state your father is controlling and your mother abusive, you have not worked or lived on your own for years, you state how sick THEY are, and then post here telling others what THEY should be doing? how THEY should forgive, this business of tolerance and spirituality?
God brings me everything I need. sounds like your parents are the ones doing that. they can't really control you unless YOU allow it. not really sure what your point is.............?
God brings me everything I need. sounds like your parents are the ones doing that. they can't really control you unless YOU allow it. not really sure what your point is.............?
And yes - I think we all already said the obvious that needs to happen. Thank you all for helping me see it. But of course I had to do my own writing this morning.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
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Posts: 88
I guess we can all help each other.
I think we all know there is a war of egos going on out there today. Someone has to cease fighting. We in 12-step fellowship are God's elect and He is counting on us to level our Pride and do that.
He cannot do for us what we CAN do for ourselves (like me going to live in a shelter if I need to in order to be free) but we have to do our part too.
Detaching with love, anyone??????????????
I think we all know there is a war of egos going on out there today. Someone has to cease fighting. We in 12-step fellowship are God's elect and He is counting on us to level our Pride and do that.
He cannot do for us what we CAN do for ourselves (like me going to live in a shelter if I need to in order to be free) but we have to do our part too.
Detaching with love, anyone??????????????
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,049
"We in the 12 step fellowship are God's elect and He is counting on us to level our pride and do that."
Whoa...creepy.... and such a belief that was shared by some is exactly why I left AA.
Start taking some responsibility for 'your' life, earn a living however that may be. At 46 I think it's a good time to begin. Maybe an appointment with a medical Dr. to discuss your exhaustion issues and a mental health provider. I'm thinking that doing such may get you on the right path to accomplish creating a life for yourself. JMHO.
Whoa...creepy.... and such a belief that was shared by some is exactly why I left AA.
Start taking some responsibility for 'your' life, earn a living however that may be. At 46 I think it's a good time to begin. Maybe an appointment with a medical Dr. to discuss your exhaustion issues and a mental health provider. I'm thinking that doing such may get you on the right path to accomplish creating a life for yourself. JMHO.
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
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Originally Posted by gerryP
...Whoa...creepy.... and such a belief that was shared by some is exactly why I left AA.....
And if your life is good, healthy and productive without AA, well then good on you. What matters is the destination, not the road.
Mike
Moderator, SR
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I wasn't worried Mike.
I posted "and such a belief was shared by 'some'. I realize that not all groups are misguided in the belief that the 12 step fellowship are God's elect. Forget the fact I guess that "12 step is not a religious program."
I posted "and such a belief was shared by 'some'. I realize that not all groups are misguided in the belief that the 12 step fellowship are God's elect. Forget the fact I guess that "12 step is not a religious program."
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Stockton CA - USA
Posts: 88
Look out into the world of warring individuals. You don't think God is hoping we, His little "saints" in 12-step fellowship will be part of the Solution? When no one else will come to God's supper table because they're too busy getting "ahead", all the alcoholics with their pain will show up.
I think I made it clear that I always earned a living but I made the 12 steps a priority for the last number of years. So I'm not starting, I'm returning to life, this time as one of God's little disciples.
Doctors ain't the solution. neither is getting "recovery" online.
I think I made it clear that I always earned a living but I made the 12 steps a priority for the last number of years. So I'm not starting, I'm returning to life, this time as one of God's little disciples.
Doctors ain't the solution. neither is getting "recovery" online.
Originally Posted by gerryP
"We in the 12 step fellowship are God's elect and He is counting on us to level our pride and do that."
Whoa...creepy.... and such a belief that was shared by some is exactly why I left AA.
Start taking some responsibility for 'your' life, earn a living however that may be. At 46 I think it's a good time to begin. Maybe an appointment with a medical Dr. to discuss your exhaustion issues and a mental health provider. I'm thinking that doing such may get you on the right path to accomplish creating a life for yourself. JMHO.
Whoa...creepy.... and such a belief that was shared by some is exactly why I left AA.
Start taking some responsibility for 'your' life, earn a living however that may be. At 46 I think it's a good time to begin. Maybe an appointment with a medical Dr. to discuss your exhaustion issues and a mental health provider. I'm thinking that doing such may get you on the right path to accomplish creating a life for yourself. JMHO.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
Originally Posted by gplmdyw
Ah, yes... passively-aggressively "rounding up the troops" against God.
Nice tools there:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nice tools there:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We don't know what we don't know and trust me... we don't know a lot. However, God knows all and he is sovereign and in his infinite mercy and great love He designed AA to reach out to all at WHATEVER place they are at spiritually!
Hey not everyone has arrived at where you are! And Jesus didn't go around with a big neon sign that flashed bow down and worship me or I will smite you! He went around doing good, healing and sharing for those that wanted to hear His message about the Kingdom of God.
Jesus was the complete opposite of the RELIGIOUS of the day who kept trying to kill him! When people pondered who he was and if he were the promised messiah he would pose this question:
"Who do YOU say that I AM "?
And that is the BIG QUESTION that we all try to answer about life, about God and about our own purpose.
The Jews understood what Jesus was saying (God is the Great I Am in Torah and the religious knew he was claiming divinity and that is why they sought to kill him) but the non jews did not... went right over their head. They were in a DIFFERENT place in their journey!
AA like Christianity (and MANY other religions practiced properly) are about love and attraction .... and we are on the journey to understanding, enlightenment and progress as people. When people are ready they will look for their spiritual answers and their HP and if you try to find Jesus He will find YOU!
So when someone says something that offends us... think about where they are in their journey and instead of snapping or attacking think about how Jesus might respond to them.
Jesus went around healing and doing good. He treated people, even sinners and those society despised and marginalizied with deep compassion like the woman at the well ... He loved unconditionally!
And that is what I try to do. I am just another broken soul looking to the Great I AM and trying to be more like Him and be a light in darkness... hold a candle for another traveler trying to find their way.
So...peace sister... and be a bringer of peace and people will ask you what ya got cause they want some of it and THEN you tell him about your source of wisdom and love....your HP who is Jesus C!!!!!
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 602
Originally Posted by gplmdyw
How would God want us to act?
Jesus didn't mope around in his parents' house, making cabinets with his dad, saying, "I'd sort of rather go out and preach in the desert but maybe that would be too prideful of me."
You will, sadly, meet self-appointed spiritual leaders who try and convince you that the "turn the other cheek" line means letting others tread on you till your natural gifts go unused. You can try and convince yourself that being abused and depressed brings a special sort of spiritual status, but the fact is, it doesn't. If you're into JC, have a look at the bits of the gospel in which Jesus stands up for his own independence from his parents, his right to follow his own calling. No one could accuse JC of being a doormat.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
Originally Posted by akrasia
Well! *Rolling up sleeves.*
Jesus didn't mope around in his parents' house, making cabinets with his dad, saying, "I'd sort of rather go out and preach in the desert but maybe that would be too prideful of me."
You will, sadly, meet self-appointed spiritual leaders who try and convince you that the "turn the other cheek" line means letting others tread on you till your natural gifts go unused. You can try and convince yourself that being abused and depressed brings a special sort of spiritual status, but the fact is, it doesn't. If you're into JC, have a look at the bits of the gospel in which Jesus stands up for his own independence from his parents, his right to follow his own calling. No one could accuse JC of being a doormat.
Jesus didn't mope around in his parents' house, making cabinets with his dad, saying, "I'd sort of rather go out and preach in the desert but maybe that would be too prideful of me."
You will, sadly, meet self-appointed spiritual leaders who try and convince you that the "turn the other cheek" line means letting others tread on you till your natural gifts go unused. You can try and convince yourself that being abused and depressed brings a special sort of spiritual status, but the fact is, it doesn't. If you're into JC, have a look at the bits of the gospel in which Jesus stands up for his own independence from his parents, his right to follow his own calling. No one could accuse JC of being a doormat.
But I wouldn't recommend that to most 12 year olds either because they are not the messiah and things will probably go really badly for them once mom and dad catch up with them!
While we are on the subject... a little off topic but interesting none the less... Jesus had some pretty hard words on the subject of "following" and what that might look like (hate father, mother, brother etc) and he didn't sure chase after the rich young ruler and "negotiate" the whole "give away all of your wealth" thing.
That "come and follow me" thing for 11 of the original disciples meant being killed for their faith... today Jesus is big business and marketed to be whatever you want him to be... my XA liked to think of his as "Slot machine Jesus" and he fit right into his life in Vegas.
Theres a reason we have LOTS of different AA meetings where people may or may not feel comfortable and why we have almost 40,000 different Christian denominations that think each have the corner on the truth!
Scholors have been arguing the deep questions for thousands of years so I doubt we will sort them all out on SR but if the mods allow it I love these kinds of conversations when they remain pleasant and tolerant.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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I hope that you will be able to work out an arrangement with your parents that will allow you to live that life you are entitled to live. Perhaps graudally make one change at a time so that you and they can prepare yourselves to be more independent. To me, detaching with love is allowing someone the dignity of living their own life, making their own decisions, and dealing with all of the consequences of those decisions.
It is true that the 12-step fellowships of AA and Al-Anon began as Christian organizations. Now, however, in order to help as many people as possible, Al-Anon and AA use the wording "Higher Power of my understanding". However, many groups are still strongly Christian.
Personally, I am Christian. But not everyone believes in the Judeo-Christian God. It's also not required by Al-Anon or AA.
It is true that the 12-step fellowships of AA and Al-Anon began as Christian organizations. Now, however, in order to help as many people as possible, Al-Anon and AA use the wording "Higher Power of my understanding". However, many groups are still strongly Christian.
Personally, I am Christian. But not everyone believes in the Judeo-Christian God. It's also not required by Al-Anon or AA.
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