Glad I had no expectations
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 225
Glad I had no expectations
Today is my birthday. It's been a sad one as I've spent it alone. Well, not completely alone, at least I have my animals and their unconditional love. I figured my A would not remember even though I dropped a couple hints this past week. This is the first time that he has not made or ordered me a cake, or had some kind of gift for me. I didn't expect a cake this year, or much of a prsent. But he knows I like chocolate, I had this small expectation that he might have bought me a chocolate bar on his latest trip to the store to buy booze. But no, nothing from him today. The only good thing about this is I figured he would forget and I would get nothing from him. So in that, I was not disappointed. But it still hurts.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
I won't say "Happy Birthday".
I will say, I am sorry that a special person on their special day was sad.
That is not OK.
So I say, May every day of your life bring you closer to the peace and happiness and serenity that you deserve.
Keep seeking, and figuring it out.
:day6
8
I will say, I am sorry that a special person on their special day was sad.
That is not OK.
So I say, May every day of your life bring you closer to the peace and happiness and serenity that you deserve.
Keep seeking, and figuring it out.
:day6
8
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
On my last birthday, my x told me he wanted to spend the night with me, I told him I wanted to be alone, he insisted, he bought me flowers, a gift, a card, a cake, i never opened the card, the gift or shared the cake with him, he screamed at me all night, verbally abused me, before I was even showered and dressed he started on me. I wish I had gone with my gut.
I swore the next day i would never spend a special day with him, a birthday, thanksgiving, chrismas, valentines day, none of them. And I haven't.
I feel sad for you, it's not right. Go get yourself something chocolate, please do it.
love to you Katie
I swore the next day i would never spend a special day with him, a birthday, thanksgiving, chrismas, valentines day, none of them. And I haven't.
I feel sad for you, it's not right. Go get yourself something chocolate, please do it.
love to you Katie
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
I am glad your animal friends were there with you.
I gave up many years ago about my birthday, or I gave up expecting any one else to care.
So, I do what I want on my birthday.
Get my own present, cake and ice cream.
No chance of me forgetting.
Beth
I gave up many years ago about my birthday, or I gave up expecting any one else to care.
So, I do what I want on my birthday.
Get my own present, cake and ice cream.
No chance of me forgetting.
Beth
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 18
I am so sorry you have been made to feel this way on your day. Like others said- go get yourself something, even if its just a chocolate bar. It might be too late today but very soon do something for you- a present, or anything that will make you happy. I have been through countless holidays (brithdays, christmas, new years) where I have been screamed at and verbally abused and broken up with for no reason. I wish you peace and happiness in this year ahead.
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 433
Happy birthday from me-- you are not alone!
My birthday last year was absolutely horrible. The worst of my life. My AX did nothing for me and it ended with me in tears, I was so hurt. This year, I intend to have a much better time!
My birthday last year was absolutely horrible. The worst of my life. My AX did nothing for me and it ended with me in tears, I was so hurt. This year, I intend to have a much better time!
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 47
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! You ARE CARED ABOUT HERE!!!!!!
Even though we know we can't expect ANYTHING from our A's, there is always the hope....
My exABF did the same thing on my birthday in Feb. No card, actually said he was too hungover to get one. Like he couldn't get it the day before. Then made fun of me for being upset.
So I spent my birthday with a friend. Better than staying home with my hungover ABF.
I feel for you that the one person who SHOULD recognize and celebrate you on your birthday, is not there for you. But always remember, it is NOT about you. It is about the alcohol. Do something special for yourself
You are special and deserve someone who remember your birthday every single year!
Even though we know we can't expect ANYTHING from our A's, there is always the hope....
My exABF did the same thing on my birthday in Feb. No card, actually said he was too hungover to get one. Like he couldn't get it the day before. Then made fun of me for being upset.
So I spent my birthday with a friend. Better than staying home with my hungover ABF.
I feel for you that the one person who SHOULD recognize and celebrate you on your birthday, is not there for you. But always remember, it is NOT about you. It is about the alcohol. Do something special for yourself
You are special and deserve someone who remember your birthday every single year!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: California
Posts: 693
Happy Birthday Akalacha. It sucks and hurts that he didn't do anything for you. I've had a few similar birthdays, and I know how painful it is. Part of me at some level almost *wanted* him to forget because then I could really feel like the downtrodden victim (not saying that's you, just me). I finally realized that self love also includes loving oneself on one's birthday. So now I buy myself a present and make the whole week special, treat myself a little and have some fun. Yeah, I know it's not quite the same as having your significant other celebrate you....but do your best. What can you do to make your birthweek a good one? It's not over yet....!!!
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 271
My XAB was sober and in recovery on my last birthday but still lied and manipulated. Causing chaos at a beautiful resort...where he ripped his tee shirt off like he was the Hulk after I called him out in his lie and didn't just go along with HIS way. FUUUUUUN!!!!
So it was a blessing that he didn't remember because an active addict will ALWAYS bring chaos. You may be sad but you have some peace. Please get yourself ur favorite ice cream flavor or cookies...a good movie...PJs....and a huge dose of self love. Easier said than done I know.
So it was a blessing that he didn't remember because an active addict will ALWAYS bring chaos. You may be sad but you have some peace. Please get yourself ur favorite ice cream flavor or cookies...a good movie...PJs....and a huge dose of self love. Easier said than done I know.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 225
Yes, I was a little bit sad to be forgotten, but as others pointed out at least I had a peaceful day with no drama and that's worth a lot. Earlier today I was actually thinking like ady gil said -¨Well, if I don't celebrate my birthday I don't think I should have to be a year older.¨ So I'm going to stay the same age I was on my last birthday. Thanks to everyone for all the lovely wishes.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 202
Oh akalacha sorry you had a tough time on your b-day. Belated congrats - regardless of what your A thinks/doesn't think, it is a day for you to celebrate being in this world, and knowing that some day your world will be a happy place again.
Birthdays have always sucked in my house too. For a few years AH completely over-compensated for being a sh*** husband by going completely over the top and spending a fortune.
Last year, as his illness had progressed so much, I figured it would be a non-event. I shipped myself off to my family & friends for the weekend, and surrounded myself with people who care about me. AH had begged me to come home a bit earlier on the Sunday so he could bring me out to dinner. What did I do? I fell for his BS, and came back late Sunday afternoon to find him passed out in his own pi** on the couch, with an unsigned card (manky cheap one from the local crappy shop) beside him.
Someone remind me why 16 months later I'm still there????????????
Birthdays have always sucked in my house too. For a few years AH completely over-compensated for being a sh*** husband by going completely over the top and spending a fortune.
Last year, as his illness had progressed so much, I figured it would be a non-event. I shipped myself off to my family & friends for the weekend, and surrounded myself with people who care about me. AH had begged me to come home a bit earlier on the Sunday so he could bring me out to dinner. What did I do? I fell for his BS, and came back late Sunday afternoon to find him passed out in his own pi** on the couch, with an unsigned card (manky cheap one from the local crappy shop) beside him.
Someone remind me why 16 months later I'm still there????????????
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 202
Originally Posted by ady gil 
If it helps....My AH has not remembered our anniversary in years...the sad part is I quit caring a couple years ago because I wasn't into celebrating something that had sucked my soul dry anyway. Oh...that reminds me we have another one coming up - oh yay. *thud*
We have the opposite in our house. I completely refuse to acknowledge our anniversary. I have accepted for nearly 4 years (nearly married 5) that getting married was the single biggest mistake I have ever made, and I hate our anniversary because of this. AH never forgets it - he uses it to try to emotionally manipulate me into feeling sorry for him by getting me a lovey-dovey mushy card and writing a similar message every time about how things are getting better!
We will possibly still be "together" for our fifth anniversary (July), but I can guarantee that it will be the last one I ever spend anywhere near him!
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