lillamy

I've spent significant time with my significant other today. And I'm in awe at how blissfully happy a normal relationship makes me. Like when I talk about how my parents will need help moving out of their house -- where my AXH would say, "You've been saying that for years, and it hasn't happened; you only use that as an excuse to go visit them and get away from me," my normal man says, "I will come with you if you want me to. That is such an emotionally draining thing that it might be good for you to have someone with you. I'm offering, but if it's something you feel you would rather do alone, I will understand."

When I tell my normie friends things like this, they look bored and go, "And?"... but to me, it's amazing. Actually having a person in my life who doesn't foist himself upon me but offers to be supportive. A person who like me has the ideal of a relationship where you are like two pillars holding up the same roof -- you both have to be equally strong and independent to do it together.

Why am I telling you this?

Because when I was with my AXH, I was convinced I would never have this in my life. I was convinced that I would either have the neverending trauma and drama of being married to an addict, or I would be alone.

And finally, I decided alone was by far the superior alternative.
I still think alone is better than together with the wrong person.
But together with the right person isn't bad either. But if it ends, if we go our separate ways, I will still be better off than I was with an addict.

So there is hope. Even if you are an old fart like me. That's all.

lizatola

You're not an old fart, LOL! It's so good to hear this positive message from you. I need this kind of hope. I don't know if I can find that kind of support or peace with my AH right now, but I know that the future is always brighter if I continue to work on myself. Thanks for sharing!

webber1

thankyou - fnd it uplifiting to hear

im 40 and feel that all hope is gone to meet a "normal" partner.. Thats what 5 years with a AH does to your self worth..

wicked

I am 53 now, and really for the first time, I don't feel the need for a man around.
I have a long distance boyfriend right now, and it works well now, if it doesn't then I am sure the world will keep turning.

I am at ease. It attracts people. I like it. big grin.

Beth

angrywife

I want to be alone, because I don't ever want to experience heart break and pain like this again, ever.

tabatha

How nice to hear how things have worked out for you. To have a partner who is actually supportive and thinks of your needs as being important as opposed to the A's self centered life around alcohol is pure heaven. It seems you broke the cycle of choosing partners and I'm happy for you that you were able to see how nice it is to be with a normie.

wanttobehealthy

Reading this post made me so happy; happy for you, happy for your kids, hopeful about the future for my girls and I etc.... I fwd'd it tommy email and have read your post many times since you shared it. It's so positive & healthy and I can't think of anyone more deserving of all the peace and happiness you expressed in your post. Thanks for sharing it!

irishtom

relationships and alcohol are soo difficult.just learning

theuncertainty

I'm so happy to read this from you, Lillamy. And at the same time, the green-eyed monster is peaking up from around the back of my chair.... I guess I need to go back and keep working on myself regarding this and Catspajama's thread on "I want what they have"

Really, all I feel like doing is jumping up and down and stamping my foot like I did when I was little. "I want it NOW!" Mom says I didn't do it often, but when I did, I was an incredibly stubborn pain in the derriere. Yep, I understand her take on it now as I try to rein my stubbornness in.

So happy for you and almost daring to be hopeful. Thank you :ghug3

lillamy

I think part of the equation is that he knew me inside and out for so many years already -- so I was able to trust him from the get-go. And I think that was what I needed.

And then he is patient. Very. And able to gently nudge me when I fall back into my codie ways and trying to "help" AXH with things that he should be figuring out on his own.

I'm close to 50. And I never thought I would ever be in a relationship ever again. Ever. Ever. Ever.

m1k3

Lillamy,


It is always good to read a success story.

I am very happy for you. You have always been a big help to me and someone who's posts I always looked forward to reading because there was almost always a lesson in there for me.

Thank you and ((((HUGS))))

Your friend,

Tuffgirl

Thanks for sharing this with us, lillamy.

It's reassuring to know that there may come a day when I don't feel like I am walking around with a bullseye on my back and a sign that reads "dump your insecurities here". That instead I can feel safe and valued in a relationship.

Until then...I remain happily alone! ; )

FindingJoy

Thanks for your post. I was just having some lonely thoughts as I sir here on my couch alone again. Will I ever have that healthy amazing partner? It scares me.

I have turned it over to my higher power tonight that life will unfold naturally in my best interest.