hardroad99

I have loved my addict for ten years, even before I knew he was an addict. I always knew he was a tortured individual and always tried to be helpful and supportive and kind. When I realized that he was not healthy enough to be in a relationship and unsure he would ever be able to his brother asked me on a date as I was a family friend. We started dating but the addict always came around to me and manipulated me into feeling bad so there was always an element of uncertainty. 2 years ago he admitted he had been addicted to meth among many other drugs and alcohol for years but that he had always loved me and wanted to get better to be with me. I was always very unsure and reluctant to make a decision in anyway but I helped him for 2 years struggle with his addiction and a lot of heartache over seeing him in the horrible shape he was in and the struggle to get sober. He finally admitted he was powerless over his addiction and went to rehab. While in rehab he called everyday and was so greatful and kind that he had me in his life. I was hesitant of his sobriety and committment too it and had completely lost myself in the two years I helped him. I had become a codependent and was terrified to make any decision in life. My relationship with brother had always been difficult but regardless of anything else he was my best friend and I was unsure whether I wanted to give that up for awhile. When I finally decided to trust his committment to sobriety and move out, knowing what an extremely long road our relationship would be he met someone in aa. He told me the relationship we had was unjustifiable and wrong on every level (which I was aware of all along). Regardless of the wrong I feel heartbroken on all levels. He tells me I was abused by an addict and just need to forget it and move on. He seems to have done this as he has jumped head first into his new relationship which he claims is phenomenal because there is no lying or deceit in it. I rationally understand all of this but my heart still hurts. Any positive advice would greatly be appreciated. I feel as if regardless of the situation I have helped someone through the hardest place in their life for them to put me in the hardest place of mine.

fedup3

I know you might not feel like it now but the addict in your life did the best thing he could do for you and that was to let you go and live a peaceful life.

SuzyMarie

I have walked in your shoes. I made my ex leave back in November. Shortly after, he met someone in AA and eventually it turned into more than friendship and it is already OVER. Logically, I know why he did what he did, it was so predictable - to me, at least - but it still felt like a slap in the face. He will never be a "better" man with anyone else or me at this point because he is not healthy and is still in active addiction. But it's not about him. Focus on you and what you can do for your own recovery. I attend Al Anon, read these message boards, read a ton of self help books, journal, etc. I am in such a better place now, I cannot even tell you.

dollydo

He did you a favor, he admitted that he had played you, accept it, move on...there is no reason to not let go.

EnglishGarden

A relationship which is built from the ground up on violation of one's principles (and you both were doing that) seems to me destined to crumble, in one way or another.

It is possible his new relationship will flame out quickly and he may come back. So it would be a good idea to now re-examine your core values and your past, and live your life from here forward based on those values you hold dearest.

That way, you have a much better chance of an honest, meaningful, happy life.

hardroad99

Thank you all for the advice. I rationally and logically know that I need to work on myself and come to terms with my actions. It was such a long road to finally get to the place where there was a possibility for it to have some kind of happy ending, not this kind of ending. It also hurts to think he has to look at his relationship as a negative thing in his past to be in a healthy place now because I did do a lot of good things for him. I also hate to think I was dumb enough to be used and manipulated for such a long time and he gets to move on and be in this happy relationship. I just have never felt such a deep love for someone.