How to deal with dad??
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 6
How to deal with dad??
Hi. I have written before of my situation but I am becoming consumed with my dad. What's the best thing for me to do? He lives alone and is becoming wore... Not bathing, no appetite, really just drinking, memory getting wore and keeps messing tv up and can't ever figure out how to fix it so then I feel bad that he has nothing to watch. He is a loner. He doesn't drive. He get cab. So worried about his health and what future holds. This could go on for years! Should I just cont to be his poa and make sure bills get paid and cont to periodically go check on him. I have already done 2 detoxes and made arrangements for treatment last time and he bailed. He is soooo far gone. Just worried about him caring for himself. Any advice. What to others do when their A gets this bad.
I honestly think he only eats like 1-2 times a week. He does drink Gatorade. H hasn't showered in like 3 mo and I had to take him to get shaved and cut 2 mo ago so he hasn't saved since then. He's wasting away at the house but I've done all I know to do. I took him to hospital 4 mo ago for detox.
Sorry for the randomness of this post...
I honestly think he only eats like 1-2 times a week. He does drink Gatorade. H hasn't showered in like 3 mo and I had to take him to get shaved and cut 2 mo ago so he hasn't saved since then. He's wasting away at the house but I've done all I know to do. I took him to hospital 4 mo ago for detox.
Sorry for the randomness of this post...
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I'm sorry you are having to deal with this situation.
I think you are doing a great job of lovingly detaching and assisting with his finances. Good on you for setting up the POA while he was lucid.
I know a healthy diet is important to you, myself and our children. We eat right, exercise and attend to personal hygiene.
At this point, your father's body is no longer absorbing the nutrients of any food he eats. His body has become addicted to alcohol and it is readily absorbed by every cell of his body. Alcohol provides his caloric intake, carbohydrates and other nutrients. I learned about this process in reading "Under the Influence".
I also witnessed the body ceasing to absorb nutrients from food when my mother's cancer progressed to its end stages. It still boggles my mind and I have a hard time understanding it all.
((hugs)) to you as you try to find healthy boundaries during this time. I second the recommendation on finding resources like Hospice, elder care or other forms of assistance. Hospice may also be a resource for grief counseling to you and your loved ones.
I think you are doing a great job of lovingly detaching and assisting with his finances. Good on you for setting up the POA while he was lucid.
I know a healthy diet is important to you, myself and our children. We eat right, exercise and attend to personal hygiene.
At this point, your father's body is no longer absorbing the nutrients of any food he eats. His body has become addicted to alcohol and it is readily absorbed by every cell of his body. Alcohol provides his caloric intake, carbohydrates and other nutrients. I learned about this process in reading "Under the Influence".
I also witnessed the body ceasing to absorb nutrients from food when my mother's cancer progressed to its end stages. It still boggles my mind and I have a hard time understanding it all.
((hugs)) to you as you try to find healthy boundaries during this time. I second the recommendation on finding resources like Hospice, elder care or other forms of assistance. Hospice may also be a resource for grief counseling to you and your loved ones.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
I am sorry you are going through this!
I would like to suggest that you call "Adult Protection Services" in your dad's area and ask them to do a 'Wellness Check'. Give them all the information you can, just as you have reported here.
It is usually a Social Worker that is used to dealing with ALL types of Adults and Seniors in various stages of different issues, be those issues dementia, Alzheimers, addiction, or major depression where they are just hibernating. They are equip to do not only an evaluation, but upon deciding that the adult is incapable of taking care of themselves, finding them accommodations in in an appropriate facility.
Now, he might not be real happy about it, but if they declare him incompetent then he will have no say and will be where he has TV that works, someone that will be working on getting him to eat again and slowly, hopefully his body will start absorbing nutriments again from his food, will be bathed and kept clean (no sores and no infections), etc and slowly he might find a fellow or two to slowly become friends with.
It was only AFTER I did that for my mom (and no she was not in the throes of addiction, just seemed to give up after dad died) she finally agreed to have 'around the clock' home care in her home and about a year or so after that started, actually thanked me, go figure.
It also took a LOT of STRESS off of my Sister and myself, especially since at that time my own health was in the toilet.
So please, for your own peace of mind and possible help for your father, give them a call.
Hope that helps a bit.
Love and hugs,
I would like to suggest that you call "Adult Protection Services" in your dad's area and ask them to do a 'Wellness Check'. Give them all the information you can, just as you have reported here.
It is usually a Social Worker that is used to dealing with ALL types of Adults and Seniors in various stages of different issues, be those issues dementia, Alzheimers, addiction, or major depression where they are just hibernating. They are equip to do not only an evaluation, but upon deciding that the adult is incapable of taking care of themselves, finding them accommodations in in an appropriate facility.
Now, he might not be real happy about it, but if they declare him incompetent then he will have no say and will be where he has TV that works, someone that will be working on getting him to eat again and slowly, hopefully his body will start absorbing nutriments again from his food, will be bathed and kept clean (no sores and no infections), etc and slowly he might find a fellow or two to slowly become friends with.
It was only AFTER I did that for my mom (and no she was not in the throes of addiction, just seemed to give up after dad died) she finally agreed to have 'around the clock' home care in her home and about a year or so after that started, actually thanked me, go figure.
It also took a LOT of STRESS off of my Sister and myself, especially since at that time my own health was in the toilet.
So please, for your own peace of mind and possible help for your father, give them a call.
Hope that helps a bit.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: SERENITY
Posts: 58
Where I live if you call 911 they will go and do a "Wellness Check" Ive learned in Alanon that we need to "Let Go and Let God" When we do this our loved ones will hit bottom. When they hit bottom they may recover on their own alot better than us doing it for them. My husband did this all of the time. He would binge drink for months and months. I took care of everything. When I left the first time he didnt do it as often because no on was taking care of him. Now I am anxious on when he will binge drink again, since I moved out.
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