Thumper

That sounds like a solid and smart plan.

There is a lot of gray area between just walking away and battling tooth and nail.

Hollyanne

I just want to say $50,000 is a lot!
But, lawyers are expensive too. I just recently moved out after a disastrous short lived relationship. I am pi$$ed off over not getting my hammer and level and measuring tape! lol.
It is very painful though. I can't imagine the feelings you all have gone through after marriage and children and all that. You are all better people than I!
Strong people!
I was struck by the meanness (money-wise) of my ex. Even now, it hurts.
I realize now, that he is very miserly. It killed him to spend money.
I am a bit too careless though. I don't mind someone being careful, but mean is annoying. Sorry, tangent.

transformyself

I love that you're so smart, introspective and willing to be honest with yourself. Regardless of the outcome of this divorce, you're walking away with a treasure chest of integrity.

jolinda

Well , im about to go thru the same thing as you. I put in as much as my a/h if not more into the marriage. Ive worked, did all the housework, laundry, took care of kids, cooked, did yard work , everything, when all he did was go to work. I never got payed for all the things i did myself. Not to count all the money he spent on meth and other drugs. We are making nothing off our house. So yes i believe i deserve half of his 401k.we were in this marriage togeather. Ive split half of everything we have left. And for me iys not about revenge, its about whats right. So if its about a fight, bring it on.while he was putting money in 401 , i was taking uo the slack. Thats just my opinion. And actually he agrees with me, if he didnt it wouldnt matter sorry your going thru this , i know its hard. Good luck

Thelma

I guess my question is, to you have a retirement plan of your own? If not it would be a good nest egg for you to roll over and continue to add to.
If you feel determined to go through with this maybe your atty would work on a contingency and take a third. Then again your AH may roll over when he realizes that you're not backing down and sign it over.
I understand that you don't want to be bullied anymore and yes you need to explore your reasoning behind either letting it go or moving forward. Only you can make that decision. Good Luck in whatever you decide.

MsGrace

well what a difference a day makes. Just got an email from my atty. AH was terminated from his employment yesterday.

It will likely change the entire trajectory of the settlement. And I'm so, so sad at the destruction of this human life...at his own hands. He'll never, ever get another job.

Just sick about him and for him.

MsGrace

well that is a lesson for everyone: marriage is much less about the romantic illusion in the end, and in fact is a legally binding contract. It is much more like the dissolution of a business partnership: if partners want to dissolve a business, you have to value that business and split the appreciation in it, according to the laws of your state. People get really emotional about who earned what or contributed what where, but in the end...the law is the law, and in many states it is totally irrelevant who contributed where. Better you understand that prior to a wedding, not when you try to divorce.

Better to pick wisely when marrying, and by ALL means, if you have assets prior to marriage, you are a fool to marry without a prenup.

I'm the one that got stung on my first marriage: he got all the tax free cash, I got a foreclosure and a bankruptcy. You'd think we'd learn??