Mephant2004

Hello, I am 19 years old and currently dating a 22 year old alcoholic. He has alcoholism in his family and is in rehab trying to get help for his problem. We have had a rocky relationship for the past two years because of his drinking and I am trying to support him as much as I can. This is his second time in rehab because he relapsed two weeks ago. I am hurt every time he drinks because of what it does to our relatonship and we are so happy when he is sober! He also has a 3 year old daughter which has lived with us in my home before he went back to rehab. I am young and in love and need advice to help understand this situation. I am not sure if I can handle any more heartbreak from him or from giving up on him.

fourmaggie

your so young, and have a good life ahead of you...this is a serious/choatic disease he has...

please read up on alcoholism and the effects
then please find an AL ANON meeting...this will help you understand more what is going on...

makes you feel you are going nuts eh?...
recovery is for him, and recovery in al anon is for YOU....

he needs to do what HE needs to do...

3C's
you did not cause this
you cant control it
and there is NO cure

please find an al anon meeting...

wicked

I am sure that at 19, I would be unable to make a decision too. But, I was also drinking alot by then, and nothing mattered to me but getting that warm detached feeling I could get from being drunk.

He is 22 years old and has been to rehab twice, and you are caring for his daughter from another relationship?

I have a 19 year old daughter, and I would tell her to remember:
You are only 19. Your boyfriend has a chronic disease. It is good that he is seeking help, but not good (IMO) that he left his responsibility (daughter) with you.
Where are his parents?

Please support him by getting strong yourself. Please go to AlAnon meetings, you will meet many people in different stages of relationships with addicts. You will learn so much and gain insight about your relationship.

19, with a ready made family, and a very big problem, it just seems like way too much way too soon for you. Just my opinion.

Beth

I hope your boyfriend gets it this time.

blwninthewind

Keep reading....

then get that kid to safety and get the hell out.

I am dead serious. You're starting a cycle that you will spend the rest of your life trying to free yourself from ...and not quite know how....
You may be in love...but love yourself more and save yourself before you get even further in this relationship.

Jane86

Mephant, you remind me of myself at 19.

While my then-boyfriend wasn't an alcoholic, he had other issues and was mentally ill which caused him to lash out at me and be very emotionally abusive. Our relationship was a very rocky one and while there were good times, there were those times when we would plummet and I would feel helpless. It was a bad relationship, I didn't even realise until after I left him. I would rationalise his behaviour and tell myself that when he was good, he was really good and that it made up for the bad times. He was also a few years older than me.

The most important person in life is YOU. You're not here to serve anyone else, to be a doormat, a financial/emotional resource for someone. You're here to get yourself through life as unscathed as possible, and hopefully to experience enjoyment and happiness along the way. You can't choose your family, that's a fact. But you CAN choose who you spend your life with.

TakingCharge999

There is also Ala-teen

I judged those groups before until I went to one and it was very helpful, and made me see my alcoholic EX in a different way.

In AA groups I started to dimension alcoholism. I had underestimated it.

I know the feeling of not knowing if you can deal with the emotional rollercoaster.

This disease is chronic, even if he recovers there will always be the danger of relapse and the chaos once again.. I did not want to keep walking on eggshells, all my life.