lillamy

You've heard that saying "I try to take one day at a time, but lately, several have been attacking me at once":?

Yeah.
That.

You know that thing you learn in a relationship with an addict where you box up your emotions and reactions and stick'em in a closet (or the attic)? I've continued doing that after I left. Not forever -- you know, just like those boxes of stuff you have the best intentions for and find 20 years later -- just until I have more strength, more energy.

Friend of mine says life works like airplanes, you got to put your own oxygen mask on first before assisting other passengers.

I've been so focused on the kids, on getting them the help they need, making sure they don't go off the rails.

I kinda forgot I had no oxygen mask on. Don't function too well without one.

I'm seeing my counselor on Tuesday and I'll be OK till then (I know how to be OK when I have to), but I'm definitely rattled and off-center and hurting. Much. And it's not that things with AXH or the kids are bad. I just finally got enough space and accidentally kicked one of them boxes open. And realized I've been avoiding more than I thought.

I just need some encouragement. Reassurance that I can do this. Because mostly, I want to get stronger boxes and rent a storage unit in Uzbekistan for this sh*t so I never have to deal with it.

Wing

Friend of mine says life works like airplanes, you got to put your own oxygen mask on first before assisting other passengers.

A very good one! Keep reminding ourself and work on our own recovery.

RECF

Feeling the same way myself today. Been writing in a notebook encouraging things, reminding myself of the most important things I've accomplished.
What is number 1?
I got myself out, I got myself safe and I have never stayed in a damaging situation.
You got your kids safe.
You got yourself safe.
That had to have taken a tremendous amount of energy and courage, but you did it!
You are strong and courageous.
Look at where you've come already.

whereisthisgoin

I happened on a Joyce Meyer show at such an appropriate time one morning - she was passionately trying to explain, "You are not what you feel. You are what you believe." That saying has given me a lot of strength when sadness kicks in.

I think she was trying to say that feelings come and go, and go around and around - but your beliefs are what is at your core. Stick to them.

I hope you have a good meeting with your counselor.

Tuffgirl

Encouragement - hmmmmmm - how about how much baggage you will lose when you finally start sorting through it all?

And its feeling more and more like spring here in the Great White North...don't know about you but I am in full-on spring cleaning mode.

Maybe now is as good a time as ever to lose some dead weight - emotionally speaking!

Hugs, lillamy!

wicked

Well, lillamy, I say to myself while breathing in and out of the oxygen mask (usually I open the window or go outside) and say......
"that was then this is now, that was then, this is now, that was then and this is now."

Of course you can do this lillamy, you have made it up to now, and passed up all those thens!

Keep on truckin'! fer sure.

Beth

:ghug3

theuncertainty

I so get this feeling, Lillamy. I'll go in on the storage unit with ya.

You can do this. You are one of the strongest women that I've met. I'm reminded that I don't need to look at all those 'boxes' at once. I also need to remember to not worry about how long it takes to go through them.

Big, big bear hugs.

SoaringSpirits

Hang in there. The analogy about the airplane and oxygen is a good one.

In the early days of my separation, I was so depressed, I took things "one hour at a time." I literally got through the day in increments of an hour.

These days, I have a list going of things that feed ME. Can you make a list? Mine includes counseling, Al Anon, time with friends and then silly things like gardening, repainting the bathroom, cleaning out closets, walking the dog, brushing my horse. When I am struggling, I revisit this list and try to do at least one item each day that feeds me. It makes me a much better parent and I am also able to deal with the sadness of my separation with more balance.

Hugs to you. You are not alone!

PS, De-cluttering and cleaning out definitely feed me, especially when I am cleaning out all the CRAP my AH accumulated because he was too busy drinking and sitting on his A** to sort through his junk.

stella27

the silver lining I have found when I accidentally trip over one of those boxes is that (just like my stacks of papers and clutter, IRL) that you can dispose of a lot of it right away.

Much of what you have in those boxes has already been dealt with - by you. If you open a box with 100 items, I bet 85 of them aren't relevant or current. And when you get rid of all that clutter obscuring the real problems or issues, the few remaining issues aren't as intimidating, and when you pack them back up, they are much lighter.

Hang in there. Deep breaths, a walk, a nap, lunch with a friend? You'll be okay.

Pelican

(((lillamy)))

Sending encouragement and support as you take a few deep breaths in your own oxygen mask. You take care of you - cuz you are worth the effort!

LifeRecovery

Lillamy-

Here in the Southwest it was the start of spring this last weekend. I got my gardening tools out and did some digging, weeding etc.

I have been struggling, feeling low energy, feeling "okay" but after all the hard work I have been doing I would really like to feel good. An analogy came to mind though for me. For my garden to grow to it's full potential I have to add fertilizer. We all know what fertilizer is made of.

When I was able to turn that onto my recovery I felt a little better. I have to wade through the BS to get to the blossoming stage. For me that muck is tucked away in my own closet with boxes. At least now most of the time I feel better as soon as I talk about the muck then wading in it for weeks at a time.

GettingBy

Lillamy... Big hugs because I understand all too well.

I've been out of the fire for a month and a half... And have started finding my emotional boxes too. What I have found helpful is to allow the feelings to wash over me, feel them and let them go. I no longer judge them as right or wrong, good or bad... They just are. Having detached from them, I find them easier to see in reality.

There was so much pain and hurt from my time with my XAH... And I no longer punish myself for feeling bad.

Hang in there... This too shall pass.
Shannon