Keep on truckin', right?
You've heard that saying "I try to take one day at a time, but lately, several have been attacking me at once":?
Yeah.
That.
You know that thing you learn in a relationship with an addict where you box up your emotions and reactions and stick'em in a closet (or the attic)? I've continued doing that after I left. Not forever -- you know, just like those boxes of stuff you have the best intentions for and find 20 years later -- just until I have more strength, more energy.
Friend of mine says life works like airplanes, you got to put your own oxygen mask on first before assisting other passengers.
I've been so focused on the kids, on getting them the help they need, making sure they don't go off the rails.
I kinda forgot I had no oxygen mask on. Don't function too well without one.
I'm seeing my counselor on Tuesday and I'll be OK till then (I know how to be OK when I have to), but I'm definitely rattled and off-center and hurting. Much. And it's not that things with AXH or the kids are bad. I just finally got enough space and accidentally kicked one of them boxes open. And realized I've been avoiding more than I thought.
I just need some encouragement. Reassurance that I can do this. Because mostly, I want to get stronger boxes and rent a storage unit in Uzbekistan for this sh*t so I never have to deal with it.