Becky1234

Something good has happened. For the first time EVER, I didn't contact him, I didn't say sorry, I didn't make the first move. I left him to think about things. Guess what? He actually asked to talk to me. He told me how sorry he is and has contacted a counselor. I agreed to go with him. But I did make a condition that he not move back into our home until such time as we feel the counselling is working (if it works at all).

I realise that he's still of the opinion that this is a mutual problem (and I'm willing to accept that there could be problems on both sides) and we both need help with our marriage. I'm happy that it's a small step forward.

The counselor isn't AA or even someone who deals with alcoholics or addicts specifically but he's a pastor who apparently has alot of experience in dealing in all kinds of problems. It's a start!

Friday's our first appointment.

NYCDoglvr

There's a saying: "if you take the alcohol away from a drunken horse thief you have a horse thief". When alcoholics get sober they can change but it takes many many years of dedication and hard work. He will always be an alcoholic, the only question is: active or in recovery".

I strongly suggest Al Anon. It would be terrible to get back together with him only to discovery he's the same person.

inpieces314

I would just like everyone to know, I just finished a paper on alcoholism for one of my classes. This is what I came across.

Regarding alcoholism and personality disorders, they are more prevalent. PDs are present iin 9-16% of the normal population, while in at least 45% of alcoholics, with Cluster B personality disorders being the most common by far. The two most common disorders are Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. However, it is hard to determine if an alcoholic actually has the disorder or not because a lot of the symptoms of a PD are the same as the symptoms of alcoholism (impulsivity, denial, lack of empathy, etc. etc.)

In case you wanted to know.

cricket123

Inpieces

thank you for posting that. I have been looking up BPD and trying to figure out if that is my sister. As you said it is hard to tell because I do not have any contact with her anymore and do not know how much she drinks. I do know that some of her personallity matches my husbands when he is an active drinker so... who knows. I wish her the best but I will not be in her life. (long, long story)

CelticZebra

My husband hasn't drunk for 4 years due to mess for his mental health, he was diagnosed with PTSD about 2 years back now and over the past 6-8 months his behaviour has been showing symptoms of possible BPD/dry-drunk behaviour.
Finally I made the decision and he agreed to move out of the family home at the end of the month so he can have space and lack of stress!
I can't wait, the crazy-making is getting worse and I'm on so many tablets I'm rattling now.
I feel like I am taking back my life for me and concentrating on me, my recovery, my healing and the children, the dogs, the home, my uni course and other 'normal' pursuits towards calm and happiness in this house.
I can change me and the way I think and act ONLY

Ladybird579

I found my exah worse after rehab. He never stopped drinking but he is even feel more entitled and he said he'd had assertiveness lessons with them which made him even more of a bully and nasty and even more selfish. Believe me his ability to assert himself was never an issue. It's all about him now. Always was but even worse. He will do things that are plain wrong and justify them cos his needs are first. I think rehab for him just pandered to him and never really challenged any of his thought processes. I also think he was entitled, selfish and nasty sober...way back when he was about 13. Personality comes into it. I've met some really nice alcoholics. Then there's him.