gma

My 47 year old daughter has been to hell and back and had decided to visit hell again, and I just don't care anymore. I don't want the drama. On the other side of it, I'm raising her children...have been for most of their lives and love them dearly. My only purpose in life is to do my best to provide the love, care, discipline, support and stability to allow my grandchildren the opportunity to grow into loving, caring, healthy, sober and happy adults.

We (me and the kids) are doing fine. As long as I can continue working AND receiving my Social Security benefits we will be okay financially. We are close to each other emotionally and have a good life together.

I love my daughter but she can't seem to rid herself of her demons and I just don't have the energy, resources, or motivation to give her anymore of me. I have given everything I can to help, and I just don't have anymore to give. It would just be easier if I never thought about her again.

I was at the grocery store this morning and they had some very nice Staghorn ferns at a nice price. I know she would like one and it aggravated me that I thought of her. I bought it and gave it to a co-worker for her birthday instead. My daughter lives in the same neighborhood as I and the children...that doesn't help alot.

Just tired. Just feels good to be able to say it somewhere.

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family gma!

I'm glad you have a wonderful home life to share with your grandchildren!

Please make yourself at home here by reading and posting as much as needed. We are here to support you!

painterman

What a good person you are, a real role model-and here's me feeling sorry for myself. Just did me good to read about your devotion, strength and tenacity. Just wish your daughter would see sense and share the work at least-but you are right, you can't live her life for her. How thoughtful to buy her the fern. Wishing you continued success.

Llareggub

Oh, this is exactly how I feel too. My husband and I have separated because of his drinking and I am finding the drama incredibly tedious now.

I am looking forward to a future free of drama. The future looks bright.

EnglishGarden

Beautiful post. Welcome to SR.

I was raised by my grandparents for four years (ages 4-8) in the Appalachian mountains, no running water, 7 people in a 3-room house, chickens and hogs and dogs and black snakes.

It was heaven.

Your grandchildren will never forget your love.

I'm sorry your AD has lost her way and her children. It's not your fault.

But I know how lonely anyone can feel when dealing with an addict in the family. So, I'm happy you found SR and hope it will give you some sanity on those days sanity is hard to come by.

gma

Thank you. I didn't realize the word is "lonely." That is often how I feel although I try desperately not to acknowlege it.

Thanks you making me feel heard, all of you.

PS My grandma raised me from 18 months to 8 years too.

LucyA

You say you don't care any more gma, but I think you do! You care about the kids you've taken on, obviously, but you still care about her too don't you?

I'm going off what happened to me and what I did, I took my nephew on, but I still cared about his dad, I just didn't realise it was OK to say that! I don't know why I thought like that, I just did.

What I did realise was that it was better to put my energy into raising my nephew than wasting it chasing after his dad.

It's OK to love the addicts, but it's also OK to leave them to their own lives and get on with our own. We can still care for them and love them from a distance, it's alright and it's healthy to do that x

Willybluedog

Welcome gma, so glad you are here.

I know god will bless you and keep you well because you are an angel here on earth.

Thanks you for stepping up to the plate and giving those babies the life they deserve.

kay6708

I'm so sorry that you have so much to deal with. It is so hard to to help people with alcoholism. My adult daughter is bipolar and an alcoholic. I had to listen to her cuss me out today and then she walked down the street to buy more vodka. I drove to where she was and she cussed more. Finally she got in the car and I drove her home. She lives with me. She has a 3 year old and I also have a 15 year old at home. Unfortunately, I've explained everything to my own daughter and try very hard to explain to my grandson, that his mom is not herself when she drinks. She drives and I had to get her car away first. This happens about once a month. She's been in and out of mental hospitals, sees a psychiatrist, and I've called the cops more times than I care to recall. If I didn't help, she would probably be on the street, because when the alcohol is more important, they will do anything and not care about any consequences. My mother was bipolar too, but nothing like my daughter. Had some bad experiences though. I pray alot. I ask any friend to help. Some cops are nice, some don't care. The hospital stays only treat emergencies and long term is up to the individual. I can't change her, but I can try to help her son, which I do. It's still very sad and I've wanted to give up a million times. I know that God helps give us all the strenth we need. Talking to those that care helps. It's not cancer or diabetes, so some people don't care. Keep talking and keep helping when you think it's right. Your grandkids are the reason. And it's ok not to care. I love my daughter but I hate her behavior. Keep it separate. And talk. It's too hard alone.

JstWhoIM

I wanted to take a moment to reply because the reverse situation is going on with me. My father and his new wife are completely disowning me and I am getting help. Their psychiatrist, Carl Hindy, author of "If this is love, why do I feel so insecure?" has not been helpful in fascilitating an interstate call. I fear that there is a divorce between my father and at least me. So while your daughter may be headed down for what you sense is "hell" again, I encourage you to have hope, or consider adopting others, like me =) I'm in my 40s, but I'll call for help and ask what you're doing on the weekends and beg for home baked cookies every time we talk. I'll stumble because I've just FINALLY been diagnosed. I'm an avid reader. So I like to read, or think that I've read more than the doctor, and who knows, maybe one day, I could be the person who could "reach" your daughter? Have faith. I'm Lisa. Here's a HUG.

JstWhoIM

I'm not an addict, but I have an eating disorder plus something else I can't pronounce that throws those who love me for loop. WE ARE LOVE-ABLE< and GMA does care about her 47 year old daughter. She's just finished being co-dependent. GREAT JOB! I'm up for adoption still =) My dad hates me, so does his gold-digging new wife. [/QUOTE]

chicory

Welcome Lisa!
I am sorry about the problems between you and your dad. perhaps time will help it to work out. I feel like your dad is going to miss out on a lot, cause you sound like a very nice person, who cares about people.

stick around, this is an awesome place. Lot of people who will understand, and be glad to share and to listen as well.
My best to you,
hugs,
Chicory