Do alcoholics turn on others?

Old 07-05-2012, 03:50 PM
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Do alcoholics turn on others?

As with most people on here alcoholics turn on the one they love the most, when do other people or family see this? Or do they just need to open their eyes? Or does the behaviour just get too much for others to ignore?
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Old 07-05-2012, 04:08 PM
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From my experience, they seem to turn on the ones who are no longer of use to them to continue their disease process. This is often family, the ones they supposedly "love the most" because they have been the closest to the situation and maybe are no longer willing to enable them.
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Old 07-05-2012, 04:14 PM
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Just recently, a colleague of my AH asked him if he was okay...that he seemed more pensive or introspective (or something like that, I forget exactly) lately. His sister and brother in law knew he had issues for a very long time and encouraged him to get help to deal with them in a healthy way...they knew about his past substance problems and I think didn't really want to see his alcohol problem. They live in another state & have for years, so it's not terribly often that we get to see each other any more, so it was easier to ignore.

But as the problems get worse and more "sick days" happen and as there is more erratic behavior, it gets harder and harder for people to not see, unless they just have their eyes totally shut. I can't believe I didn't see it (or hell, even SMELL IT) earlier either.
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Old 07-05-2012, 04:25 PM
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My A barely talks to me these days. But he used to turn on me in the past-insulting, blaming, accusing, etc. Probably because I was the only one he had any contact with after losing all his friends. I didn't need my eyes opened, I saw it quite clearly. But over time I learned the art of detachment which has helped to save my sanity. Ironically, the more I detached and quit enabling, the less he turned on me and the more he left me alone.
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Old 07-05-2012, 04:52 PM
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A&AXBF turned on me almost overnight. He relapsed and I was the ONLY thing standing between him and the drugs and booze. One day he loved me and the next he was venomous toward me. And his family now won't even talk to me.
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Old 07-05-2012, 06:58 PM
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My AH turned on me. I came between him and his drinking activities. I had expectations for a husband to want to spend time with me but he wants to do as he pleases. I complained one too many times about him being away from home. He turned on me in an instant and our relationship hasn't been the same since. His reasons for why "we can't work" changes daily and he constantly nitpicks everything I do or say. He needs to justify his actions. Alcoholics protect their addiction to the detriment of everything else.
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Old 07-05-2012, 07:16 PM
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My exAH once told me that the only one he ever fought with about and because of his alcohol was me.

I took that on for awhile then I realized a couple of things.

1. I saw him the most after imbibing. I also saw him after the party was over when others were home or not present.

2. That this simply was not true, but I believed him because he said it. He had been kicked out of cars because of his behavior when intoxicated. He was known as drunk exAH by a variety of his friends.

3. It took me a long time (over a year of drinking, two years of knowing him) about his drinking concerns. This is someone I lived with. His family did not see him that often and/or he protected his reputation with them carefully. Just like it took me awhile to put all the red flags together, his family had a number of the flags in front of them but did not put them together for a variety of reasons.

Finally regardless of what he said (or honestly felt)
I did not cause it
I could not control it
I could not cure it

That was for the alcoholic in my life, but also how his friends and family responded to him. That is there stuff...I have enough of my own.
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Old 07-05-2012, 10:00 PM
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L2L yep I can agree with that, all was fine until I didn't want to drink or tried to stop her drinking, she left, blamed me, now divorce but I realise now it's all lies and the disease. Others are enabling her but noticing a change in behaviour I'm watching from a distance and feeling at peace.
I didn't cause it
I can't control it
I can't cure it
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