What is going on? is it alcohol or just him?
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
"His majesty the child..." is how I've heard alcoholics referred to. They isolate and don't want conversation to get in the way of their drinking. This is typical alcoholic behavior....question is what do you plan to do?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 12
Being debt free as a delay tactic - probably, i will admit it.
I have been through one marriage break up (my ex ran off with my best friend) and I know I can survive but I also know how messy it can be.
My eldest daughter is in the final 18 months of high school so to do it now would be very bad for her.
If I wait 12 months we dont have to sell anything becuase we will own it all. I have worked damn hard for 10yrs to get the things we have and I will be blowed if I will have him set fire to it or anything stupid like that just because i say enough is enough. He was a VERY spoilt only child. He is a spoilt brat of an adult. If I go and nothing changes for him or we sell assests that we own and he gets a cash cut instead of just paying off a debt then I KNOW it will make my walking away and easier. I am thinking of it as, I am leaving but here is a BIG box of ice creams, knock yourself out! It isnt even abou the money, it is about being able to walk away in peace.....does that make some sort of sense???
I shall keep a diary, I had not though on that! you guys are so helpfull!!!!
Also a question, how do you tell their parents? I mean they are on the other side of the world and his dad hasnt seen him in 3 years and his mother 5yrs. How do you even begin to explain? he is their son and no one likes to be told their kids are horrible so just how do you do it?
Thanks again for your help guys, I really appreciate it!!!
I have been through one marriage break up (my ex ran off with my best friend) and I know I can survive but I also know how messy it can be.
My eldest daughter is in the final 18 months of high school so to do it now would be very bad for her.
If I wait 12 months we dont have to sell anything becuase we will own it all. I have worked damn hard for 10yrs to get the things we have and I will be blowed if I will have him set fire to it or anything stupid like that just because i say enough is enough. He was a VERY spoilt only child. He is a spoilt brat of an adult. If I go and nothing changes for him or we sell assests that we own and he gets a cash cut instead of just paying off a debt then I KNOW it will make my walking away and easier. I am thinking of it as, I am leaving but here is a BIG box of ice creams, knock yourself out! It isnt even abou the money, it is about being able to walk away in peace.....does that make some sort of sense???
I shall keep a diary, I had not though on that! you guys are so helpfull!!!!
Also a question, how do you tell their parents? I mean they are on the other side of the world and his dad hasnt seen him in 3 years and his mother 5yrs. How do you even begin to explain? he is their son and no one likes to be told their kids are horrible so just how do you do it?
Thanks again for your help guys, I really appreciate it!!!
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Are they also the grandparents or are your kids from a previous relationship? If they are the grandparents they have rights in certain states, even visitation rights. You should consult a lawyer on that one. If they are not the grandparents, he is a grown man you have no obligation to tell his parents anything.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 12
The youngest is our child. I would NEVER stop them from being part of their grandchilds lives. I have very successfully maintained a VERY good relationship with my eldest daughters grandparents (my ex's parents). I have always believed that grandparents are a very important part of our lives.
It is jsut that they live so far away and have no real idea of what he has become so how do I even begin to tell them?
It is jsut that they live so far away and have no real idea of what he has become so how do I even begin to tell them?
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
If I wait 12 months we dont have to sell anything becuase we will own it all.
as for his parents, i don't think you have to tell them anything, other than you want them to be part of the children's lives....people divorce all the time...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 12
Just an update. I have started a diary. When I write down the amounts it is amazing! I am also writing moods, like, abusive language, degrading remarks etc to go along with it.
Last night I had to go out with the eldest and I got in at around 9pm. He had drunk 6 beers, a whole bottle of wine and a LARGE bourbon and coke mixer. His words were slurred and he said cruel and nasty things about the characters on our fav TV programme of all things....???
I just DONT understand the attraction of becoming so disgusting every night. His eyeballs are yellow most of the time from lack of liver function I guess. It wouldnt matter if the Dr told him to give up or die, I dont think he could.
In answer to your last question, if we pay off everything but the house, which we are close to then he can afford to keep the current home, I will use its equity to get myself something and nothing has to change for him. Or we can sell, take our cuts, and run. That is what will make it easier. He wont loose anything, it will stay the same for him and that will make it more acceptable for him. Without it the whole process, which will be messy and difficult as it is because of course it will be all MY fault for being a loose women, will be MUCH MUCH worse.
Last night I had to go out with the eldest and I got in at around 9pm. He had drunk 6 beers, a whole bottle of wine and a LARGE bourbon and coke mixer. His words were slurred and he said cruel and nasty things about the characters on our fav TV programme of all things....???
I just DONT understand the attraction of becoming so disgusting every night. His eyeballs are yellow most of the time from lack of liver function I guess. It wouldnt matter if the Dr told him to give up or die, I dont think he could.
In answer to your last question, if we pay off everything but the house, which we are close to then he can afford to keep the current home, I will use its equity to get myself something and nothing has to change for him. Or we can sell, take our cuts, and run. That is what will make it easier. He wont loose anything, it will stay the same for him and that will make it more acceptable for him. Without it the whole process, which will be messy and difficult as it is because of course it will be all MY fault for being a loose women, will be MUCH MUCH worse.
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