seek

I think it is helpful to note these:

Monday:

Appreciations: I am well, I have one very supportive family member who is responsive and generous, I live in a beautiful environment, I have charming pets, I loved getting out in my yard and going to the beach, I appreciate the healthy food I ate today (mostly organic), I love my new car (courtesy of a drunk driver), I enjoyed catching up with my neighbor, I was nice to people in the bank (I have a bank phobia so sometimes it brings out the worst in me), I have a roof over my head and everything I need, I have a great sponsor who offers me hope.

Resentments: (The reason I thought of this thread is that I noticed I am pissed!), the people who couldn't be bothered to answer texts or emails, my fear about my grandson (causes a resentment because I blame him for putting me through this - I am powerless over being dragged into this nightmare), God for not showing up the way I want and need (big displays of love and comfort), "life" for disappointing me at this stage in the game (I am super pissed about this), my mom for not nurturing me as a child - predisposing me to relationship challenges, my mom for being so freaking happy while I am miserable and she can offer me no comfort (because she was never a nurturing mom) . . .

Now I see why I feel so bad today!

seek

The Big Book on Resentment and Forgiveness

wicked

seek,

I want to thank you for sharing.
The link to resentment and forgiveness is fantastic!

Beth

seek

Last night after I made that list, I realized I was teaming with resentment. I was furious - blaming my grandson for how I felt, basically. I went to get body work (massage) and it helped me release the resentment.

Tuesday

Resentments: Only a vague fear that my serenity will be disturbed.

Appreciations: I appreciate my sponsor who made a house call today, the bank for fixing an error they made yesterday, my dog for being so darn cute, a friend who stopped by to chat, the clerks in the stores who were nice to me, the weather for giving us some much needed rain, the critters for being so cute in my backyard, my grandson for starting an aftercare program and being so polite to me today, my higher power for giving me some serenity and lots of gifts, my house for being cozy and homey, all of the comforts I enjoy, my mom for being well, my helpers for helping me, my world for offering some peace today, the flowers in my garden for blooming and liking the rain, the wonderful dinner I enjoyed (salad, mushrooms, baked potato and yes, a glass of wine), my body for letting go of some sadness and trauma.

Tuffgirl

I have a gratitude list. And I journal my resentments when I get the time to sit down and do it - which lately seems like a rare occurrence. It is very helpful to get it all out of my head...

The link is wonderful, thanks for sharing.

seek

OMG, this was a crazy day! Yesterday was good, so I was surprised to wake up this morning feeling like ****. I had met with my sponsor yesterday and she told me to create a new habit in the morning - don't get on my computer, but make coffee and do my daily readings, and then check emails. I made two mistakes . . .the first one was getting up feeling upset . . . I found out I should have stayed in bed until I found something to feel good about (per my spiritual counselor) . . .the second mistake was that I did not turn on my computer, but I did turn on my phone - and saw an email that created a strong reaction - then I got a phone call I was not prepared for . . .If I had been more centered, I would not have had the extreme negative reactions. Later on in morning, I had an IM exchange that was upsetting . . .and this was all because I woke up in a terrible mood and did not take the time to feel my feelings and process them. I think I must have had a dream or some unconscious thought that started the negative process.

Anyway, as far as today was concerned:

Wednesday

Resentments: That I did not process my feelings, that I did one unconscious act after another, that I got super pissed at myself and at the other people who were "bothering" me or treating me disrespectfully or rudely . . . side note: During the IM conversation, I felt the person was hostile to me . . .I did not immediately react, but I noticed approximately two hours later, that I was pissed beyond belief and horribly resentful and full of rage . . .I noticed that I felt that I could not resolve things with the person (that they have leverage, that they are passive aggressive), so I felt stuck and trapped. I also noticed that I felt trapped when I woke up in the morning in a bad mood - it felt like I was imprisoned (my spiritual counselor helped me to see this) . . .and that the answer is to feel my feelings fully. My feelings are soooooo intense that I just kind of skim them - start feeling them, then shut it down because I am afraid I cannot yell and scream and carry on the way I feel would be necessary to process the feelings . . . next time I am going to see if I can try to do this instead of shutting the feelings down, prematurely.

Appreciations: That I recognized my unconscious actions, that I noticed my ego arising and making trouble, that I called my spiritual counselor and got an appointment, that I ate healthy good food (split pea soup, salad, chicken) and that I went to a meeting.

seek

Still having extreme anxiety/depression/sadness/grief.

Thursday:

Resentments: Just towards myself, which is not helpful, for being so messed up.

Appreciations: My garden, the beautiful day, the beach, the gorgeous sunset, my amazing dog, a walk and dinner with my friend, great helpers, etc.