seek

I spend a lot of time in fear, so today I did a few things to change my negative perspective:

- I started the day with EFT (Brad Yates) on YouTube and tapped about some of my fears and also "fluffed my energy up"
- I prayed and asked for guidance
- I used essential oils to uplift my mood
- I used flower essences to change my negative vibration (the ones I use "Bach" have alcohol in them, just FYI
- I had a meeting about a loved one and though I did cry, I recovered and was able to enjoy the day (went to the beach)
- At one point I got into severe fear and was able to see how I make worse-case scenarios in my mind
- I stopped some obsessive behavior before it got out-of-hand
- I am getting ready to take a bubble bath with Lavender to calm me down

What did you do that was different than going down the path of fear and/or anger or other negative mental or emotional states?

seek

My family dynamic is very difficult these days. At the meeting yesterday, one family member was crying and then "ran away" after the meeting - another kept interrupting me and I said, "May I please finish?" twice, and now she is not returning my calls, which brings up my abandonment issues - the point is that I went to bed in not a great state and woke up in fear several times during the night - I kept praying for miracles and kept sending love to my family members.

I don't know what today is going to bring, but I am interested to see if I can turn negatives into positives today.

I started going down the road of "what if" and worries about my grandson (the "what ifs" around stuff I know about that other people don't know and the worries about this and that outcome - my mind is very strong and leads me astray).

I am trying to focus on the fact that the counselor said my grandson's basic trajectory is going up, not down - the positives are that he went to rehab so has the tools he learned there - and there is an aftercare program for him if he chooses to take part in it - he is young, handsome, intelligent, etc., and he has a higher power and higher self who can guide him to reach his dreams.

It will be interesting to see the choices I make today and if I can turn around negative habitual patterns.

I am going to start by praying for guidance, strength, and healing.

jamaicamecrazy

You have some wonderful tools in your recovery kit. Feeling fearful does not mean you are not progressing. Everytime you turn to those tools to help yourself is a step in the right direction.

feelingalone43

My AH is away for the weekend, and since he didn't call last night, I assume he had too much to drink. I have told him that I do not like to talk to him when he's been drinking. I could, of course be wrong, and he just got busy. But anyway, instead of stewing about it this morning, I did a good workout. His health is his business; my health is mine. If he got drunk and has a hang-over today, he will have to suffer the consequences. I feel good and energized.

lillamy

Instead of obsessing about what my children might be exposed to on Superbowl Sunday, I made a menu plan for the upcoming week that is teeming with healthy foods. I went to the store and did my weekly grocery shopping. And then I spent several hours in the kitchen, making a couple of soups, prepared a couple of dinners to stick in the fridge, and baked some rolls and uber-healthy cookies (that mostly taste like cardboard ).

I have decided to focus on creating a healthy home for my children HERE. And leave them in God's hands when they're not here.

seek

I noticed today that I seem to "catch" emotions from out-of-the-blue - this morning, one of my children had texted me saying we would chat tomorrow (meaning don't call today) - and then I was doing something and noticed I had a missed call from this "child" and tried to call back and got no answer. I was very nervous for a half-an-hour, dreading bad news . . . it turns out her butt called me.

I did some gardening . . .that was nice and basically continued to "clear clutter" (on a campaign) . . .then, for no apparent reason, got despondent and sad and lonely - went to YouTube, did some EFT and tapped through it and also put on some essential oils and burned some incense.

Was going to go to a meeting, but took a bath instead and am doing homework and communing with my dog. I am kind of tired today.

In conclusion, I think I basically "took care of myself" today the best I could. I am surprised that I have such deep layers of grief and sadness - it seems bottomless. I think part of it is knowing this could go on for a long time and I am already so exhausted. I looked at some pictures of myself and I have aged so much in the past year, it is unbelievable. I am not beating myself up over that, just noticing.

One thing I heard today is that loneliness is the yearning for communion with the "one spirit" - in other words, it is a call to become more connected to spirit and is not there for any other reason.

LostinBA

Seek: what are you afraid of? A little trick I learned through therapy was to list what was bothering/scaring me. Writing it seems to take some of the power away from it.

LostinBA

Seek: what are you afraid of? A little trick I learned through therapy was to list what was bothering/scaring me. Writing it seems to take some of the power away from it.

LostinBA

Seek: what are you afraid of? A little trick I learned through therapy was to list what was bothering/scaring me. Writing it seems to take some of the power away from it.

LostinBA

Seek: what are you afraid of? A little trick I learned through therapy was to list what was bothering/scaring me. Writing it seems to take some of the power away from it.

seek

I am afraid of a lot of things: Having my peace-of-mind disturbed, losing trust, having a very dysfunctional family - those are the little fears - the big fears are worst-case scenarios for my grandson - trying not to go there and to think positive.

So today I will imagine my grandson in recovery, sober, learning about himself and his higher power and that connection - learning how to be a man, figuring stuff out for himself. That is the stuff I need to write about. It is too easy for me to get bogged down in the negative detail and I really believe we create through our thoughts and I want my grandson to be healthy and to have a happy life.

Deborah55

Recently read a quote that says as follows:

If we live in the past - we have regrets.
If we live in the future - we have fear.
If we live in the NOW - - everything is always ok...

Really just a day at a time and be relieved that tomorrow morning you'll wake up feeling good. I am only on day 18. And now I can enjoy my life the way its meant to be. - Lavender bath sounds great...Hot baths and saunas are supposed to be good for detoxing of any kind. Take care a be good to yourself!

quetzal

Restles sleep last night as I blocked my number from my AHXBF and so I struggled with that in the night, woke up focused on my new business venture ...fact finding, sat in a coffee shop for about 3 hours and worked there came home and enrolled in some college classes... posted and talked to you wonderful people, super proud of that. Looking forward to seeing my kids at work tomorrow and going to my amazing Al-Anon meeting, cried today but it felt good. Hard but something I had to do, proud of myself and overall very fulfilling day

Deborah55

You know it sounds like you are worried of things that are out of your control. You can't save the world, but you can save yourself. In saving yourself things will fall into place. This is your time for healing, you cannot heal everyone else. I wish the best for my kids and grandkids...but I have no room to be throwing stones. I have had my turn and almost blew it at being a grandma because I was drowning in booze. Since I have quit drinking (18 days) its only been this past week to where our conversations are better than before. One step at a time. Trust has to be built up. It will if you just LET it happen. Its happening to me...Hope things work out for you.. One day at a time.

seek

Congratulations to you! I love to take baths and have been known to take three or more in a day, if I am upset. I use Epsom Salts that I get at Costco, and Lavender Oil (Aura Cacia) and at my health food store, there are other special salts I get (only pure salts, nothing with additives). I already had one shower and one bath today, but writing about this makes me want to take another one. It always cures what ails me! Hope you enjoy!

seek

Tonight I plugged my headphones into my computer and went to YouTube and put "healing sounds" into the search engine. There are certain vibrational sounds that inspire healing. Then I put "clearing negative energy" into the search engine and listened to some more vids. I feel so much better!

seek

Thank you. I love hearing what works for others and their experiences. Thank you and the best of luck to you.

You are right - I can save no one but myself but somehow I got confused on that issue.

seek

- Took care of business at home
- Ran errands
- Took my dog for a walk on the beach
- Bought some healthy food
- Bought some flower essences (Chicory to let go of those I care for so they can live their own lives, Sweet Chestnut for optimism and peace of mind, Red Chestnut to love without anxiety or fear for the well-being of loved ones) . . .let's see how those work!

FindingJoy

When my mind starts going down a fear path some of the tools I use to get back on track are:

Look up a positive mantra for the day or for the hour from Louise Hay

Eat healthy food

Drinks lots of water and healing detox tea

Reading something spiritual healing or something mindless like a magazine

Going for a swim or taking a hot bath (I use Epsom salts too amazing!)

Talk to friends with positive vibrations

Field trip to health food store, favorite clothing store, candle shop, etc...

A nice yummy nap with my healing cat Puddins.