cldothan

been with my 2 yr. old's father for 3 years and during that time he drinks from 7pm to 7am every night, doesn't work or do anything, is a chore getting him to eat most days, if it is past 4pm he won't eat because he says it makes him too bloated to drink. he flies off in a rage even when he is not drinking. i was in recovery in my 20s so i told him i won't pay for his beer, so he drives 3 hours away every weekend and gets the money from his mom. i have 2 autistic kids, 1 is almost 14 the other 2 and possibly i may have it as well and we can't emotionally handle the rages, i usually shut down and it is if he isn't there, but my teenager son has tried to stab him.
i don't know what to do. he has warrants for child support, he never went to court. he won't get help. lately his health has been bad. he says the drinking makes him tired, so he uses 5 hr. energies and lately his left arm goes numb when he takes them.
his mother said he can't live there but i don't know how much more i can take. the sad part is i have thought to myself if his mom passed away he would have no way to pay for it any more and quit.
he also says he can't even read a book without drinking and seems convinced he has a mental disorder and the beer is self medicating.
i'm just tired of the excuses but feel trapped and don't know what to do...he is 40 and his lifestyle is just crazy, he is not 19 any more...

Willybluedog

Dear cldothan,

Welcome, so glad you are here, this is a great place to get some much needed support.

Please consider counseling and al-anon, also I would recommend reading the permanant posts at the top of the page, there are many good resources there.

Also I would suggest going over and reading the ACOA thread, this is the life your children have to look forward to if you stay with this man.

If you need to vent, would like to talk, need a shoulder or a hug, I will be there for you.

You deserve better than this and so do your children.

Best of luck to you,

Bill

Squigg

Hi cldothan, I feel your pain and frustration. I've been married to my AH for 30 years. We also have 2 autistic sons who are now young adults, and most days I feel like I'm taking care of 3 disabled men. The behavioral challenges of autism in addition to the unpredictable behaviors of an alcoholic spouse can lead to extremely stressful living conditions. I expend much energy trying to maintain peace and harmony in our home.

My AH is not physically abusive, but is prone to spew out verbal attacks on me. Thankfully he never directs the verbal abuse at our sons, but they are often within earshot when he is yelling at me, and his drunken behaviors confuse them. One important thing I've learned is to not get sucked into unproductive arguments. I just walk away from my husband's nonsensicle ranks and have taught my sons to do the same. That always gets my AH angry and he usually accuses me of "running away" or "quitting." But I consider it more of a "strategic retreat."

I encourage you to keep reaching out. Work on yourself. Definitely give Al-Anon a try if you haven't already.

All the best to you and your children.