Blogs


Notices

OT: Lunacy

Old 01-16-2012, 11:54 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
cb12's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: California
Posts: 147
Blog Entries: 1
Angry OT: Lunacy

My best friend is in a emotionally abusive relationship and codependent. I refuse to support her by feeding her lies that the way she is being treated is OK and that things will get better.

I have voiced that I don't know how to help her/support her until she really wants to hear what I have to say. Until then, there is nothing that will change her mind. She has to want to the change, right?

Ok, so when I voice these things to the small group of friends who are closest to the lady in the abusive relationship I get ignored. Nobody acknowledges what I said, because they don't like it. Denial. It's simple denial and it makes me feel like a lunatic.

I'm exhausted. The continual denial makes me start to question my sanity.
I would like some outside perspective. I'm obviously too entwined in the drama and hurt feelings to be objective.
cb12 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to cb12 For This Useful Post:
catmilkyo (01-17-2012), TakingCharge999 (01-17-2012), Tuffgirl (01-21-2012), Willybluedog (01-17-2012)
Old 01-17-2012, 12:10 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
 
laurie6781's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Well what I have found is I CANNOT FIX anyone else.

I can say it once and I am done. If I have to say something more than once, the person is NOT ready to hear, they are still in denial and I am wasting my breathe.

So you have shared, they are still in denial, now it is time to change the subject.

When the person in trouble comes crying, it is best to say "I cannot help you, I am sorry."

Ideally that person would leave and get their butt to the nearest DV Shelter, but she is still in denial.

I work mostly with those that are 'ready' for help, be they newly sober alkies, newly clean addicts, or someone just coming into recovery for codependency.

I am sorry but it does sound like for your own peace and serenity, it is time to step back from the 'drama' of this group.

J M H O

Love and hugs,
laurie6781 is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to laurie6781 For This Useful Post:
cb12 (01-17-2012), LifeRecovery (01-21-2012), TakingCharge999 (01-17-2012), Tuffgirl (01-21-2012), Willybluedog (01-17-2012)
Old 01-17-2012, 12:24 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Willybluedog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
Blog Entries: 3
You know the old saying "you can't fix stupid" well that applies here, I agree with Laurie, you are just going to have to step back. Nobody wants to hear the truth, they are not ready to deal with it. Keep a close eye out, be ready to step in and call 911, I do not believe there is anything else you can do until she pulls her head out of her butt.

I know it is incredibly hard to step back, my therapist is trying to drum this into my head where my parents are concerned, I know she is right, I have fought against their denial for years.

God bless you for trying, but at some point they have got to fight their own battles.
Willybluedog is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Willybluedog For This Useful Post:
cb12 (01-17-2012), laurie6781 (01-21-2012), MyBetterWorld (01-17-2012), Tuffgirl (01-21-2012)
Old 01-17-2012, 12:29 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
A jug fills drop by drop
 
TakingCharge999's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,783
I felt similar things when tried to "convince" XABF's friends he had issues. LOL.

I found new people to talk to....

No contact/limited contact is advisable.. I mean, if you are refusing to spend energy with people in denial, it extends to these friends as well... very frustrating I know...

Hugs cb12!
TakingCharge999 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to TakingCharge999 For This Useful Post:
cb12 (01-17-2012), laurie6781 (01-21-2012), LifeRecovery (01-21-2012)
Old 01-21-2012, 12:44 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
cb12's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: California
Posts: 147
Blog Entries: 1
I read on SR, probably 6 months ago, that people don't like it when you start and stick to recovery for codependency. Just wanted to say, I agree.

The friends mentioned above are having a really hard time adjusting to the "new" Claire. I think it might be time to move on. This saddens me because we have been through almost 10 years of friendship.
cb12 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to cb12 For This Useful Post:
LifeRecovery (01-21-2012), Willybluedog (01-21-2012)
Old 01-21-2012, 10:42 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Tuffgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Blog Entries: 4
Originally Posted by cb12 View Post
The friends mentioned above are having a really hard time adjusting to the "new" Claire. I think it might be time to move on. This saddens me because we have been through almost 10 years of friendship.
This may be true. I've had some great friendships over the years that didn't last for one reason or another - usually related to what point I was at in my life. But it may also be a time issue. Give it some more time and see what happens. And stick to your boundaries!

In situations like these, I like to say something to the effect of "I am here to support you but I can't condone (fill in the blank) nor deny (said blank)." What anyone else does with that is their problem.
Tuffgirl is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Tuffgirl For This Useful Post:
cb12 (01-22-2012), Willybluedog (01-21-2012)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:53 AM.