onlythetruth

All right. Thank you for the answer.

Obviously I was misinformed.

This is really too bad. I was hoping for something more like what we have in the open alcoholism and substance abuse communities, where people who use all approaches talk about them with each other. I don't really want to start a "secular only" forum; people can head on over to the SMART Recovery F&F forum for that or they can find us over at Secular Connections.

I've said this many times but what is really unique about this website is the opportunity it gives people with various recovery experiences to share them with each other. This can be challenging at times and we do get into dust-ups from time to time, but it's always enlightening and helps all of us to keep our minds open.

EarlHickey

:

Ann

You may be unfamiliar with how 12-step meetings and program work. Unless they are specified as "closed meetings" then anyone can come, share and join in. That's how it works in every single 12 step meeting I have ever been to, on both sides of addiction and codependency.

All are welcome to post here and in FFSA, always have been. People who actively work a 12-step program share what works for them. Those who use other methods share what works for them.

Our only rule on this is that we respect each others programs and do not bash those that differ from our own.

As mentioned above, there are many forums here for anyone who isn't comfortable posting in these two.

I suspect that whatever is troubling you has nothing to do with the description of these forums. If you care to share we would be delighted to offer our experience, strength and hope in support. These forums are for those who are looking for recovery and support and those willing to share what worked for them. It is about healing from losing loved ones to addiction. We don't care much about words, we care more about the heartache of watching someone we love destroy themselves with drugs and helping others going through the same pain.

dandylion

dear onlythetruth, I welcome the suggestion to make it clear that it is an open forum. After all, it is only going to make it more clear to those who might not understand that right away.
The only reason that I read regularly on here is because I was able to "figure that out on my own". I had fled from another site that was not so accepting---and have benefited from doing so.

I vote in the affirmative.

In support, dandylion

Morning Glory

We used to have a special forum to discuss all open topics and it was a disaster and had to be closed. We've had to create strict rules about program discussions to avoid heated debates that take away from recovery and cause members distress.

There is a lot of history behind all of our decisions. This is why SR runs so smoothly even though is is a large forum with many members. We have over 100 threads per day and 1,300 to 1,500 posts per day. We've learned over time what keeps it all running well and adds the most to recovery for all our members.

I never ignore a need when I see it unless it is something we don't deal with here.

dandylion

To me, I interpret "open forum" to mean that all roads leading to recovery are embraced----not just limited to 12-step programs, only.
Thanks.

dandylion

onlythetruth

No, actually I'm pretty familiar with 12 step, Ann, and I can't imagine showing up at a 12 step meeting (open or closed) and sharing about how a different recovery approach was working for me, especially one that wasn't based upon faith. I also can't imagine showing up at, say, a SMART Recovery F&F meeting and talking about Al-Anon. I CAN imagine an open discussion, not based on ANY particular approach, where different perspectives were addressed.

I was told that THIS was a place where different perspectives could be addressed. Obviously, that was not true, and the forum is indeed accurately described.

Morning Glory

Welcome dandylion.

Unfortunately it depends on each individual to make that happen and we have made tremendous progress here, but we aren't there yet.

The Friends and Family forums have been the most tolerant of different approaches.

I found my own approach right here and no one ever objected to it. I borrowed a little bit from everyone.

onlythetruth

SR has an open alcoholism forum and an open substance abuse forum and those seem to work pretty well. I can't see why that wouldn't work on F&F too.

The 12 step based forums in the alcohol and SA categories are, of course, anything but open minded. But that's ok, because of the open forums.

Morning Glory

It could work, but there isn't a great enough need for it.

Opening up a forum for a few people has never worked.
We always end up closing the forum.

This is why we start with individual threads first.
When I see that there are enough people participating I open a forum.

Freedom1990

I see you registered in 2010. Have you benefited at all from this forum prior to making the discovery of the actual description of the forum?

Both mods and an administrator have replied on this thread.

I respect the mods and the administrators, and respect their decisions whether I agree or not.

I too suspect this really isn't about changing a few words.

I'd love to help, but can't if I don't know what the underlying issue is.

Sending you hugs of support.

Terminally Unique

This forum has indeed been the most tolerant, at least from what I read.

Terminally Unique

That's some fine Orwellian double-speak there, CLMI. Kind of like saying that Christianity doesn't exclude Orthodox Jews, and that the latter exclude themselves.

onlythetruth

Yes it has.

tryintosmile

When I found this site, I wasn't sure if I'd even be going for the 12 steps or not but I kept an open mind, regardless. I'm glad I didn't take the 'fine print' to heart in this case or I might not have felt I belonged either

onlythetruth

There is no "underlying issue", and yes, this is really about changing a few words.

As I wrote in my original post, I didn't notice the forum description until someone came to us recently in the secular connections forum saying that she wasn't comfortable with the 12 step bias here.

I had thought, up until that point, that the FFA forum was open; I was at the point of telling the person exactly that when I took a look at the description and noticed what it said. So I wrote to a couple of mods to inquire. Was told that it was "really" open even though the description said otherwise. I thought this was an easily correctable discrepancy--I actually thought you guys would be interested in addressing it.

Now, I am sorry I even brought it up.

choublak

Maybe change the forum name to "Recovery From Codependency"?

Freedom1990

Again, have you benefited at all from this forum prior to making the discovery of the actual description of the forum?

LaTeeDa

FWIW ott, I don't think you have an underlying issue or a hidden agenda or anything else for that matter.

Like you, I find it disappointing that someone would be discouraged from using this forum because of the "12-step based" wording in the description, whether intentional or unintentional. I think a suggestion to change the description to something that more accurately reflects the discussions that take place here is perfectly reasonable. If the SR administration disagrees, then so be it. But, I don't think you deserve to be attacked or ridiculed for making the suggestion.

Two more cents, and I'm all out of pennies now.

L

choublak

I don't know if you are personally asking onlythetruth, but I'll answer anyway.

At times, yes, this forum can be beneficial; other times, it feels like a dictatorship.