Forum description
 

The description of this forum reads as follows:

12 step based recovery forum- for families, relatives, and friends whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking. If someone close to you, such as a family member, friend, co-worker, or neighbor, has or has had a drinking problem you'll find support here.

Recently, we had someone visit the Secular Connections forum who was looking for F&F support, and felt reluctant to post here because she wasn't planning to utilize a 12 step based path.

Frankly, I didn't realize that all the F&F forums were labeled as being 12 step based until this happened. I've since looked, and indeed all the forums are labelled this way. The alcohol and substance abuse forums have both open forums and 12 step based ones, but that isn't the case for F&F.

I've raised this with moderators and have been told that even though the forums are labelled as 12 step only, they aren't really, that all are welcome. If that's the case, how would folks feel about changing the description to make clear that it's an open forum? And if it isn't, how would folks feel about asking that an open forum be added so that people who aren't seeking 12 step based support can find a home?

I personally never worked the steps, but this place has been a tremendous help for me, a life saver.
I believe this to be a place of shared wisdom and experience, where you can take what you like, what it works for you and leave the rest.

So yes, for me this is an open forum, and since I believe there are others who feel it this way too, I think it is good idea to have it labeled as an open forum too.

If you go and pick a couple of threads to read you will see that most times, most of us suggest

Therapy

and/or

Counseling

both with someone who specializes in Addiction,

if a loved one is in rehab to take advantage of what the rehab offers for Friends and Family

we also suggest Naranon or Alanon as a means of Face to Face with folks who WILL and DO UNDERSTAND.

That may be the description of the forum, but our forums go WAY BEYOND THAT.

We talk about Meditation, exercise, taking care of ourselves, etc

Judging by the numbers of 'new' folks we get weekly, I highly doubt if that description is keeping many folks away.

This format has worked pretty dang well, since the inception of this site by Jon many years ago.

When something is working Why Fix It?

J M H O

Love and hugs

I'm not suggesting that anything is wrong with the forum--not in the least! I'm suggesting that the forum description doesn't accurately depict what the forum is about, and may discourage people who would otherwise post. I've been assured by numerous people that this is "really" an open forum, and my only point is that if it's an open forum, the description ought to reflect that.

(BTW: You can't judge the number of people you aren't attracting, by the number you are. You'll never know about the people who don't post because, well...they don't post!)

I'm new to this forum and I love it, I've been reading and making friends along my way. If its not broke, don't fix it IMO.:groan

I am NOT saying it's "broke". I'm saying that it is being described as something it isn't.

So your solution is to open up new subforums for those who utilize the steps as opposed to those who don't, and then those who don't care to do that will then post in the open forum which they so far have been prevented from doing because they are not comfortable due to being presently listed as containing people who are utilizing the steps as a solution.

Sure, I vote for that...why not?

Well, you know we cannot help everyone.

This site has so many forums now it is a REAL CHORE to keep a handle on them all and monitor them all ALL the time.

So although I understand your suggestion, I really do not think you will get this site to do that. Maybe if you are that concerned, do some research, find some 'existing' sites that are that way, and ............... give them to those that ask or visit in the Secular Connections forum.

J M H O

I personally do not feel 'another' forum(s) is/are needed.

Love and hugs,

Well, let me try to phrase this issue differently. I am really not suggesting that anything be changed, other than perhaps a couple of words.

Is this forum--the one right here, that we are currently writing in, a 12 step forum or an open forum?

It wasn't until I gave up all my "plans" and "requirements" and preconceptions, and began to be willing to be open-minded and do whatever it took, that recovery began to work for me. Part of that was putting an end to being hung up on terminology, and semantics.

When I thought I knew, was when it didn't work.

When I became open to observing successful folks, and what had worked for them, was when it began to work for me.

Turns out, I knew a whole lot less than what I had thought I knew.

CLMI

Deleted.

Maybe an addendum to the description .. something like, "an open forum that encourages the use of 12 step....etc" .. instead of a whole new forum.

We don't change what we have.

We do open new forums when the need is great enough.

I have opened 2 or 3 new forums when I saw enough members here that seemed displaced in the other forums.

I don't see a need for a new forum at this time. What others have done in the past is start a thread in a forum with a title for a specific method they want to discuss.

My question still has not been answered.

Is this a 12 step forum or an open forum?

I've been around here long enough to remember when the description was more open-ended and encouraging of all points of view. It seems someone felt the need to change it several years ago. Not sure why.

I don't think we need a new forum, but I do wonder why the description has to be so specific to just one philosophy.

Just my two cents,
L

I haven't been around as long as you, L, but it seems to me that if the forum description could be changed several years ago, it could also be changed now.

The 12 step philosophy itself never declares itself the sole route to recovery and does not espouse a single, correct point of view. Indeed, it admits there are other routes than the 12 steps that can work, and that each person has a unique pathway to their own recovery. All 12 step approaches are based on suggestions, not rules. And they are based on attraction, not promotion, meaning they find no need to convince parties of their rightness but rather leave this discovery to the exploring party. The Higher Power is whatever one chooses to focus upon, that is not Oneself in control of the universe. There is nothing that would exclude a secular person from experiencing the 12 steps in their own version, and they are free to have their own version.

There's a bit of irony here in that those who explore the 12 steps are not the ones excluding the secular party from participating; it is the secular party who rejects the 12 steps who is excluding themself.

Part of the 12 step process is that one is entirely free to explore what works - it's a bit counter-intuitive.

Just making observations - I have no dog in this fight whether said party chooses to participate in this group, or not. But I don't think they are unwelcome...

CLMI

The description used to be Alanon and Naranon.
We were required to change it due to copyright issues.
They have always been 12 step based forums.

Gracious me, I am not trying to exclude anyone.

I am reacting to the forum description and trying to clarify who is and who is not welcome to share their viewpoints on a forum that is labelled 12 step based, but which I have been told is open.

I am trying to play by the rules, as I understand them, of SR. It has been my experience that the mods here try very hard to keep things on topic for the particular forums, and I want to respect that while making sure that have a full understanding of what topics are and are not allowed. This effort on my part uncovered an obvious discrepancy: a forum that was, according to two different mods, labelled as 12 step based when in fact it was not.

I should mention that I am often amazed by the interaction that goes on between adherents of faith based and non-faith-based approaches elsewhere on this site. The discussions are often very enlightening to both sides--very beneficial to everyone.

If you feel uncomfortable posting on these forums there is the Newcomer's forum, What is Recovery Forum, and the Secular Forum.

This is all we can do for now. We won't change the description of this forum so that is not really up for discussion.

If the need ever becomes great enough we will consider a new forum. I don't see that happening now though.