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Still here. a different kind of soul sucking ...

Old 12-27-2011, 10:49 AM
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Still here. a different kind of soul sucking ...

I love my husband. I do.
He has over a year sober now.
He doesn't go to AA near as much. It is like every other 'hobby' he's ever had...he jumps in with both feet and gets bored quick.
I was attending Al-non. I haven't been in months.
I still dream of living in a house with serenity.
A place where I don't answer to anyone but myself.

I don't get choices. If I move the furniture...I can bet within an hour I hear he doesn't like it and moves everything back. If I moved things in the kitchen he can't handle change and puts everything right back..forget about the fact he doesn't cook much.

I am beginning to think it's about control.
I can't have what I want...whether it be a new pair of boots, "oh those are funny looking", or "those pants look like pajamas!" or even moving the couch a foot. Unless he does it...it's a bad idea.

After awhile you begin to doubt everything you do. Everything you think. Every choice you make.

I don't know whether I would term it abusive since i don't believe it's intentional but I do know I'm not happy with all this. I blame myself. I allowed it to progress to this point and I at this point don't think I can do anything without his approval, his help and his permission.

I'm just worn out. He's sucked the life out of me day by day for the past 20 yrs. I'm sick of the complaints, I'm sick of not ever getting what I want. I'm tired of being the one who sacrifices for everything he wants.

I'm just praying for the new year. I'm praying I can find a way for my own happiness. I'm praying for serenity.

I just don't know. I just want to have some hope.
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Old 12-27-2011, 11:04 AM
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blwninthewind, go do something today just for you. Go to a movie, read a book, take a walk, go SHOPPING (my favorite) even if it's for a bar of soap! You've heard the saying "a change of scenery" sounds like what you need.
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Old 12-27-2011, 11:06 AM
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May be going back to Alanon would be a good idea?

BTW, I think I was with that same person not too long ago!
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Old 12-27-2011, 12:00 PM
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With people like that, I go out of my way just to **** them off.

Sobriety isn't a hobby, it's a way of life.
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Old 12-27-2011, 12:08 PM
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I agree, going back to Al-Anon is a good idea.

Also, you'll hear this a lot here. Alcoholics don't have relationships, they take hostages.
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Old 12-27-2011, 04:32 PM
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Originally Posted by m1k3 View Post
I agree, going back to Al-Anon is a good idea.

Also, you'll hear this a lot here. Alcoholics don't have relationships, they take hostages.
Talk more about this...what exactly do you mean by this??
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Old 12-27-2011, 04:44 PM
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Hugs to you. Please remember you have choices. Go back to Al-Anon and reclaim your life. I love "Courage to Change" as it really helped me. Do the next right thing to help in YOUR recovery. If you want something to change, YOU must change something.
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