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Old 12-02-2011, 10:37 PM
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I messed up

I let AH suck me back in. 2 Weeks ago My AH called and asked if I wanted to
do something? I said yes but iffy on it. We went out to a bar. Red flagg. We had 2 months of little contact. We had a talk we thought of getting back together. it lasted a week.The last few days he started the jerk talk. Today
He was over the top. I drive him crazy. I did not go after him. I messed everything up. The last 2 weeks when I stayed there I wanted to go home in the morning to my house. He took it as running away. I know it as peace. Yes he is drinking. It was really bad to do. Im kicking my own butt. We had 25 years together. I even wrote a letter for him of what I want in a marriage. I think I put it 50/50 of what needs to change. All he said after he read it was I will not stop drinking for you. I told him he has to do it for himself. He cant do it for me. I will just go back to working on me. I really wish I didnt to this. I love him but I can not fix him. Im sorry for a ramble. Just need to vent
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Old 12-02-2011, 11:01 PM
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You know, we are human, and we are fallible. Don't beat yourself up. Of course it is hard to say good-bye after spending 25 years with someone. At least you realized what course you were on and were able to catch yourself before falling too hard.

It is hard to accept that someone is just who they are for me. I see this person in front of me and I have all these ideas about how they should treat me, BUT, I cannot for the life of me get him to be how I want him to. I just can't. If I could will it, he would be a prince in shining armor, would have an awesome job, would support me in anything that made me happy. It just isn't so. It is never going to be so in my case, ever. He isn't the kind of man who I envision myself with for the long haul because I can't change him into someone that treats me in an acceptable manner.

I think this process is all about discovery of ourselves because we have essentially given our souls over to this other person for safe keeping. (Or at least I did). My ABF doesn't care about me, he cares about alcohol. I should never have entrusted him with a part of myself because I knew it wasn't safe. I went against my own gut feelings and the words of those who truly DO care about me. I used to be very confident and I gave my life over to the disease of alcohol. Just keep enlightening yourself, keep searching, keep being your own beacon in the dark. You are going to be just fine!
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Old 12-02-2011, 11:26 PM
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Thank you

When I meet my husband when He was 16. We had alot of good years. Thats what makes it hard. I hardley Get to see the guy I fell in love with. This last week I seen it abit. It was just his words not actions. He wants me to act. I am going to keep working on myself. No contact for awhile. Which means he will not see the grand baby. That hurts me. I know he loves her. Im the only only one that will bring her there. Ok enough cryn. I need to get better.
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Old 12-03-2011, 04:19 AM
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So sorry for how things are going with you, please come often and talk or just vent, I will be happy to listen.

Best of luck to you,

Bill
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Old 12-03-2011, 10:55 AM
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Totally agree-Chronsweet, your words are beautifully expressed.

Originally Posted by chronsweet View Post
You know, we are human, and we are fallible. Don't beat yourself up. Of course it is hard to say good-bye after spending 25 years with someone. At least you realized what course you were on and were able to catch yourself before falling too hard.

It is hard to accept that someone is just who they are for me. I see this person in front of me and I have all these ideas about how they should treat me, BUT, I cannot for the life of me get him to be how I want him to. I just can't. If I could will it, he would be a prince in shining armor, would have an awesome job, would support me in anything that made me happy. It just isn't so. It is never going to be so in my case, ever. He isn't the kind of man who I envision myself with for the long haul because I can't change him into someone that treats me in an acceptable manner.

I think this process is all about discovery of ourselves because we have essentially given our souls over to this other person for safe keeping. (Or at least I did). My ABF doesn't care about me, he cares about alcohol. I should never have entrusted him with a part of myself because I knew it wasn't safe. I went against my own gut feelings and the words of those who truly DO care about me. I used to be very confident and I gave my life over to the disease of alcohol. Just keep enlightening yourself, keep searching, keep being your own beacon in the dark. You are going to be just fine!
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Old 12-03-2011, 01:55 PM
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Thank you you guys. Im feeling alot better today. I know I cant be around him. Maybe sometime later we can be friends but not now.
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Old 12-03-2011, 02:02 PM
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I knew that you would figure it out for yourself...you have lots of tools in your toolbox AND you know how to use them.

No contact works, as you already know!
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